From the Archive – 2005

Dec 30

It’s been a trying week. Wednesday night, the Pumpkin woke up at 12:30 and never went back to bed. I stayed up with her but couldn’t make it to work. Thank God for home access because I managed to get done what I had to before crashing. It’s times like this that I am quite sure that I do not have the stamina to have another child. I am joining the gym next month so we’ll see if that changes. I’m hoping to lose some weight, shrink one dress size and gain energy. Anyway, before I left work, I printed out the tags for my mom’s wedding favors and the table assignment cards. Both came out very cute. I would love to have professional cutting apparatus that cuts circles perfectly but alas I don’t. They have a little homespun feeling to them but it’s still very cute.

Today was an early day for both Frank and I so we had a relaxing afternoon, alone. We sorted through the Pumpkin’s toys and packed some away for “shipment” to grandma’s house. All in all it was a good night. I copied the new website to my work server so I can work on it from here this weekend. I’d like to get it out before the end of the month and since I finished most of the work project I had to do, I should be able to get it out. Plus I have oodles of pictures to add.

This weekend will be quiet. I have cleaning and laundry to do. Frank is heading out to his cousins for the holiday. Mom and John are coming over to assemble favors and assign seats. I can’t believe the wedding is next week. All I need to be prepared is some body shaping undergarments, just to hold things in a little bit and voila, I am all done. I plan on taking the Pumpkin to the Met on Sunday. I figure we can go first thing. Who’s going to be up New Year’s Day morning? Should be empty and I can let her run around.


Dec 27

We had a wonderful Christmas! Our families were very generous with the presents. the Pumpkin got lots of Legos and blocks and Little People things. She was so well behaved and said thank you for everything and shared nicely with her cousins.

Friday was a half day for both of us so we hit Target and Atlantic Avenue and picked up the last of our presents. Nice to have an afternoon together. We managed to make a nice giftbasket for the daycare ladies. Saturday, we drove over to John’s house and enjoyed family time with my side for Christmas Eve. Everything was quite relaxed, which was nice after the hard week. After a nice lasanga dinner, we opened presents. John has a huge tree with hundreds of ornaments. the Pumpkin behaved and didn’t touch it. She did touch the piano which was ok. I hope going forward we can coordinate with John’s sons. Although we did visit with Joey, which was really nice, we missed John and his wife. As of Jan 7th, we’re all family so hopefully things will pull together. I’m used to being very close to my mom and sister so maybe that will carry over to our new extended family. 🙂

Sunday we had presents at home and a nice visit from Kelvin and Shawnda. More presents. I think I should have had breakfast ready but we didn’t eat really. Next year, I will be better prepared. I will have stollen! Frank is not a breakfast guy so I just ate oatmeal with the Pumpkin which made her very happy. Nice thing about friends like them is that it’s ok to wear your bathrobe while hanging out. Thanks to a lift, I made it to church. I was nice without having to chase the Pumpkin around. We sang lots of traditional German carols which was so nice. Reminds me of my childhood. I have to download some so we have them handy.

We spent way too much time traveling out to the island. Poor the Pumpkin got sick in the car. Not sick but barfed. She’s fine. It’s strange. I think she got car sick, like I do when Frank drives, but Frank is debating that. Eventually we made it to my sister in law’s. More socializing. the Pumpkin loves playing with her cousins. Now that she’s older, I don’t have to watch her every minute with the boys. She didn’t destroy their Christmas tree either, even though it was covered with candy canes, which she loves. More presents. Again, she was just a doll. So well behaved. We’re so proud of her. She handles social situations so nicely.

Yesterday I had to return the car to Mom so I treked to Queens. I hit Target and Toys R Us to make returns. Thank God I got there early because by the time I was leaving it had turned into mayhem. I planned on returning home early enough to do laundry but instead got kidnapped and remained at Mom’s for the afternoon. On the way back to Brooklyn, Mom and I saw my sister, baby Rose, and her 8 tons of luggage, including a snowboard, off to Vermont. Rose is going with her mommy to visit her daddy and close friends. My sister is lucky in that her friends are all nannies so she is going to get to go snowboarding while the baby is well looked after. It’ll be a nice vacation for them both.

Back to work today. It’s quiet. Everyone is on vacation since we can’t carry over. I’m looking forward to finishing up the website here at work.


Dec 24

Yes, I’m working on Christmas. That’s fun isn’t it. The pumpkin is napping and we’re just hanging out. I would love to work on the new zansite but unfortunately I didn’t have my buddy from work send it to me and I can’t get to my hard-drive at work from home. Sigh… I’ve been having fun at work. I’m sorry to go back.

Merry Christmas to everyone!! We actually managed to get the shopping done. There has to be an easier way but getting things ahead of time presents a storage problem. Of course after the Pumpkin gets her presents, we’re going to have a storage problem anyway. I wonder if people realize we live in a small apartment. I smell a need to go and pick up some more IVAR. One can never have too much. The little storage thing we have now is an inefficient use of space. The bins are too small. We’ll figure something out.

So today we’re off to John’s house. Then tomorrow a morning at home and then out to Frank’s sister’s for afternoon visiting. Then Monday we’re just going to hang out here, take the Pumpkin to the park.


Dec 20

In brief:

Working from home means every minute is precious (I get alot of interruptions with Zoe). the Pumpkin didn’t nap so I am trying to work with her awake. Mom is crashing with us which is nice. Daycare can watch the Pumpkin for the morning so I can get work done then I get her before naptime except today I got stuck in a conference call and was late which screwed up naptine. I have no problem getting lots of work done in the spare moments the rest of the day. the Pumpkin can actually entertain herself very nicely. When Mom and Frank get home, I can switch to work mode because I have already spent hours of quality time with her. Right now she is counting along to 5 with Baby Einstein. She actually counts a lot now and has 1-to-5 totally under control, as in “Zoe how many cookies are here?” which she answers when she feels like playing along.

I can’t believe they actually went on strike. I mean who doesn’t have to pay for their health insurance and pension/retirement plans? Give me a break. Fine, they want a raise. Ok, but they want a lot if they want 8% a year. I don’t know anyone who gets that much. And the reprimands? I mean who doesn’t have to follow rules where they work? Why do the MTA workers think they are above being treated like everyone else on the planet? Annoying. How dare do they ruin Christmas for those of us who needed the subway to get to the stores. Jerks. At least I got most of my shopping done.

At least our contigency plan went well. Mom brought the car over for Frank who got to work no problem. Mom’s shuttle bus was three blocks away and she got to work with out problems as well. I’m obviously at home, as mentioned before, which I like better anyway.

I have a lot a crackers to vacuum off the floor. I let the Pumpkin make a mess so I could work. Then we get to go food shopping because I can now do something better with the time I used to spend commuting. So ha! Take that MTA.


Dec 16

Having worked at home today I accomplish much. One, I avoid my office holiday party without taking a day off. Two, I have no commute to waste time with. Three, I can spend the afternoon cleaning my apartment in preparation for tomorrows Festivus. 🙂

I love working from home.


Dec 15

Yay!! I was getting hungry and didn’t want to shlep outside to get something and behold! There was a meeting today, in house, and one of my coworkers, actually a higher-up who I do oodles of work for, offered me leftovers. Who-hoo!!! Now I can relax, shlep-free, for lunch. Then my boss brings us chocolates from the printer people who always send 30 boxes for the production people. Mmmm so tasty.

The company next door is renovating which is noisy and annoying. It’s ruining my groove and I need to groove because I have to outfit-do the entire work website with the new style arrangement. Not quite doing it over but still time consuming. A whole-lotta copy and paste action.

I feel like so much is slipping by and I’m not writing about it. the Pumpkin’s getting so big and doing so much. It’s like an evolutionary big bang. I’m getting motion sick from my life lately.


Dec 14

It’s 10:20 pm and I’m on the computer because I am a glutton for punishment and like to work from home. I am so tired I could sleep right here. As soon as I entry I have to wash up and can sleep. Frank is passed out already, couldn’t wait up anymore.

We’re ready for the transit strike. Mom is coming through with car rental services, as usual. Man, I am such a loser that I have to ask my mom for help all the time. Thank God she can or we’d be screwed. Then she invited herself over next week so it’s going to be fun. 🙂 I get to work from home because my workmates can all take Metro-North and NJ Transit. No excuse for any of them. I, however, am limited to the Water Taxi, which, while very cute, costs an arm and a leg and only takes me from Fulton Street to East 34th which would still leave me with a very long walk, times two, each way. When my boss asked how I could get in I mentioned the roller blades that are collecting dust since Frank messed up his foot. No one objects to me staying home.

I like to work from home because it’s quiet. I can drop Zoe off for the morning, get some work done, pick her up and play together when I’d normally take lunch. Then when she naps, I can work some more. After bedtime I can finish up my hours and voila! Working from home. I can get even more done if I leave her in daycare for longer. I can work 8 to 3, skipping lunch. I eat lunch at my desk anyway. Never ceases to amaze me how much time the process of commuting wastes. Plus the entire dressing factor. It takes five minutes to throw on sweats and I do not have to look at all presentable for working at home.

I’m afraid the stupid strike will put a damper on our festivus. I hope not. We rarely get to see people. Still, no reason not to have people over more often. In the new year I will join the cheapo gym, miss less work thanks to work at home, finally commit to and paint my apartment, and invite people over more often.

Otherwise I still have Christmas shopping to do and I have to buy stamps so I can mail my cards out. This year was crappy card year. I can no longer write and didn’t find out until it was too late. Next year, I’ll include a little newsletter type thing. I’m sorry peeps but I can no longer manage a pen. I’d rather type out 50 personalized cards instead.

If there is no strike than I have my Christmas party on Friday. I hate it. I have the social graces of a putz. I want to be polite and say hello to all the VIPs especially now since I am becoming more visible in my company but I never know how to escape a chat once I’ve said hello. Last year I carried a pointsetta from the hotel lobby around with me as to have an instant conversation piece. I have no idea what to do this year. Corporate parties scare me. I prefer small groups instead.


Dec 13

I can’t believe it. I am officially a rowhouse type personality, according to a little quiz. Usually these tests are a little hokey but this one actually has me pegged. I lived in Baltimore, home of rowhouse heaven and certianly there are more than a few right in my own ‘hood. When I grow up I am only living in other neighborhoods with row houses where I don’t have to have a car.

I thought my entire new website got eaten up by the backup disk monster but behold, Darrel, my awesome coworker and programming genious found it for me. Now I only have moderate work to do before the thorn gets back from vacation next week.

Zoe counted the bars of the downstairs passageway all the way to six without prompting or anything. I don’t think that’s normal for a two year old. After much deliberating, we decided to postpone pre-school for one year since she is essentially getting everything she needs in terms of socialization, arts and crafts, reading and structure at daycare. It really is a great place and Frank and I are very involved and everything is a learning experience really. So instead we’re spending the money on music lessons which she’ll start in a few months. The cheapest pre-school is $8,000 which is a lot when you consider it’s only half day. Mind you, this is pre-nursery, which is pre-kindergarten. She already recognizes several letters as well and can sing several songs in a recognizable manner. Point being that I’m committed to my little pumpkin and would rather spend the money on extra trips to the museum, art classes, german music and singing, etc etc. Hell, for that much, we can get a small piano up here. My grandmother has a really cute model that sounds just like a full size.

Ok, so tired. Have to sleep now.


Dec 12

I am too tired to write. Birthday celebrations went well. the Pumpkin behaved well. Our friends and family are very generous. Rose kept us up and made us seriously think we do not ever want to have another baby. We did some food shopping. We relaxed. I designed my mom a new kitchen for the downstairs. We decided to definitely paint the apartment shades of pumpkin (LR), pear (BR) and currant (Bath) come the spring. I have a new smell that I like – Clinique Elixer.

I just had my first legitimite phone conversation with the Pumpkin including “hi mama”, “I love you” and “ok”.


Dec 9

On the way to work today I was working on a pair of legwarmers for the Pumpkin and some lady says to me that I’m holding my crochet hook wrong. I say that I’ve been crocheting for almost 25 years and I am just fine with the way I hold my hook. She says, well, I’ve been crocheting for 35 years and you really should hold it like so. I repeat that I don’t have a problem with the way I crochet. Thank God she got off the next stop. She muttered something and I’m thinking to myself how goddamm rude it is to lecture someone who is minding their own business on the train. My good God, crochet is not a specific science. Everyone is entitled to hold their hook however as long as the end product is the same.

Oh yeah – and I cut all my hair off. I look like my LJ icon again.

Busy birthday weekend with a party for the Pumpkin at my Mom’s.


Dec 7

I am so burned out from my research report that I absolutely cannot function. Good thing I spent the afternoon hanging out at a going away party that included cake. Of course I couldn’t help myself. And now it’s practically five and I can leave really, really soon. Plus, I worked for an hour last night on my project so I’ll be leaving early one day this week to pick up the last of the presents I need for Christmas.

I didn’t realize before I left home but my formerly white shirt was completely stained when I got to work and saw it under the florescent lighting. Nothing to do but head to H&M for an emergency top pick up. I was looking for something cheap or at least a white blouse to replace the one that probably won’t ever be white again and I couldn’t find anything. Everything seems to need a vest over it because it’s sheer. I like the bodice over sheer look but can’t fork over that much. I really like what’s out there and when I get money, it’ll all be gone dammit. Anyhoo I narrowed it down to a black t-shirt, which I have plenty of, and a brown turtleneck sweater. I ended up with the turtleneck. My pants are tweed and the shade of brown is ever so present in the pants so I hope it matches nicely. This color thing is new to me.

Poor Frank. Tomorrow he has to get his wisdom tooth pulled. Damn tooth is going to cost us $800 to get out but eventually it will be reimbursed by our lovely insurance company. I’m waiting until next year when I can use the tax refund to get my teeth out because I need three out.

Off to get the pumpkin!


Dec 5

It was a busy week. Work is insane, hence no updated or redesigned website and few journal entries. I am trying to merit a promotion which means I have to broaded the scope of my job. I never made reports and analysis for work before, even though it was routine for my freelance clients. Now I’m applying what I used to do outside to my inside job. All needing to be impressed parties are impressed. Silly people didn’t realize the blonde freak is actually capable of organizing her thoughts coherently. Thank God for spell check is all I have to say.

My super stressful meeting with the COO went well. Although she changed her mind the next day. Not to worry, my bosses are on it. That’s what the research and analysis is for. I must make a case for my design and ideas. No biggie since I already did the work. Reminds me of school when you’d get docked points for not showing your work. Turns out, somethings you learn in school really do apply to the real world. Strange the small things. Added bonus… I may have come up with the corporate tagline. I have my fingers crossed. It’s a good one and we’ll see. I think certian people, the thorn for one, will simply shit a brick if this happens. Imagine little old me who no one takes seriously coming up with the tagline. Although, lately, people are starting to take me more seriously which is long overdue and nice.

I had to take the Pumpkin to the ENT doctor on Friday. She passed her hearing test with flying colors and we should have fairly smooth sailing from here on in. Apparently in winter, ear infections are a little less likely. Hopefully that’s true. We were just leaving the doctor’s office when she started to fall asleep and, being that we were close by, I opted to stop in a pick up my research to work on at home. Since she napped so nicely, I decided to stay and actually got lots of work done. Friday can be a half day off instead of a whole day which gives me another day to take off later on just in case.

We had super family clean day resulting in a sparkling apartment on Saturday. We even got the laundry done and a trip to Target. Nothing left but to relax and have a nice brunch with Carly and Dave on Sunday. the Pumpkin slept for much of the brunch which meant we could relax and have a nice time. Once she got up though – it was pretty horrible. She did ok for a little while but as always is the case when she’s not straped into a high chair, she wanted to run around like a crazy person. Plus she was energized from a full nap. So we bid a hasty adeiu and headed out in search of winter boots. I thought we’d sneak by but no… Sunday morning we woke up to snow, wet nasty snow. Neither Frank nor I have decent boots. Must remedy that. We didn’t find boots but I did get to hop into Pottery Barn and Crate and Barrel and I got presents for my Mom and John. Yay!! Two down. I feel such accomplishment. On the way home we thought about getting our tree. It’s totally early but Frank is so excited this year. We’ve been listening to Christmas music already every day.

So we hit up the neighborhood tree sellers. You’ve got to check them all out to see who has the greatest deal. We found a perfectly cute tree bue decided to look for something else or just to make sure that was a good one. Then we checked out the Epsicopal church selection and they had a wonderful tree. However, by the time we went home to get the money and put the Pumpkin in the backpack, our tree was going home on someone else’s car. No worries. God provides. We found another tree. A nice seven foot Douglas Fir from Vermont. The Douglas Fir is very aromatic and even when it dries out it still looks bushy. We spent last night decorating. I felt so bad because the Pumpkin wanted to help and then Frank was giving her the ornaments and she would bring them over to me which worked out nicely and she was so happy to assist mommy with the decoration. Do you think we got a picture? No. If you ever wonder why we don’t have many pictures over the past few months it’s because she never holds still long enough to get a decent shot. I know our camera can take moving shots, we just have to figure it out.

I stayed up late last night wrapping the few presents I’ve collected and you know, there are quite a few. I’m off to do more shopping on the way home tonight. Frank jumped at the opportunity to have a nice daddy daughter dinner versus facing the shopping crowds. Typical. In a way, for me to go shopping is sort of relaxing anyway. The worst crowds are not half as much trouble as a rambuncious toddler. I have to go to pick up the Pumpkin’s birthday present and something small for Frank and also Christmas presents for my sister and Rose and my grandparents. My plan of attack is Kmart and Pearl River and all the store in between going down Broadway. I am a woman and I have a plan and a shopping list and I’m wearing really comfortable shoes. Everyone look out!


Nov 28

Wednesday I managed to get my haircut and cut up thousands of veggies. Thursday, I woke up early and started cooking. Everything went smoothly and I even had time to check out the parade every now and then with the pumpkin. I could have done without the two hours of traffic going to my sister-in-laws but once we got there, the veggies heated up nicely and my last minute winged-together yam glaze actually came out tasty. Score one for Martha and her Everyday Food veggie recipes.

Frank stayed out with his cousin so I drove back to Queens myself with the Pumpkin. She slept, missing the first snow of the season. She didn’t even stir when we transfered her to the bedroom. When I got inside, I got to have apple pie with my mom, sister, John and mom’s friends Michael (not the ogre, of course) and Joan. Mom is trying to be a little match maker with Joan and Michael who really would make a nice couple.

Mom and John dropped us off Friday afternoon. the Pumpkin and I just hung out and played and whatnot. Stupid cold weather. I did take her to the park for a little while though. She would stay out all day but it was so cold. It would be ok if she would keep her mittens on but that’s a battle and a half. Frank finally came home later in the evening. Silly boy, slept most of the day away.

Saturday we did laundry and checked out the laser light show at Grand Central and the holiday market they have there. Then we walked to the Citicorp building, passing all the decorated lobbies. Every year, Citicorp has this giant train set up. The trains are small but the exibit is huge. Lots of little towns and whatnot. The lights are set to simulate day and night as well. It’s so cute. We could spend hours there but it’s hard for the Pumpkin who loved it but wanted to touch. We kept saying no touch and she says no touch and then touches anyway. We have to work on that a little bit. It was early enough when we got home that we could decorate so we dragged everything out.

We can’t really use our ornaments on the tree because it’s still a little early for the Pumpkin so we decided to use bows instead. Sunday we headed out to get more lights and ended up at K-Mart where, thanks to Martha, everything was all organized and easy to coordinate. We decided that since we’re going with something new, that we would do something really different and we decided to go with a purple tree this year! We got lots of ribbon and bows and some really cool lights. They even have plastic balls that do not look cheesy. It depends on the tree though since if we get a bushy tree, we can probably forgo the balls and just stick to the ribbons and bows. Purple is just so much fun. I would have gotten the tree skirt too but we were getting up there on the total so I passed. – Oh I actually have perfect fabric for a tree skirt and just got a great idea – who-hoo! Anyway, now we have a toddler safe version of the tree that we can pass around to my sister in the next years and probably need again if we decide to go ahead with the next baby idea.

Back to work. the Pumpkin woke up 6 times last night so I am completely exhausted. I was going to work from home but then remembered that I have a meeting about the website with the COO that I cannot miss so not only did I have to come in, but I had to wear a suit. Frank ended up taking the day so he’s off to the Central Park Zoo with the Pumpkin and will meet me for lunch later. Just as well. I’ll have time to work on the holiday card this morning.


Nov 23

Today was very productive. I’m all caught up until the next disaster.

Now I get to leave early which means a much needed haircut. Then food shopping for side dishes. I hope things don’t get ruined in transit. Then I’ll cut up everything so that actually cooking tomorrow can go smoother. Best to do as much as possible while the Pumpkin is occupied at Daycare. Oh dear. I just remembered, I didn’t get the car from my mom and have no idea how that’s working out – must make call.

Since tomorrow I won’t be by the pc, I’ll just list thankful things today:

1) Good family

2) Good friends

3) The light at the end of the debt tunnel getting brighter all the time

4) Decent housing and the possibility of the BQE moat getting covered

5) Good employment situation

6) Kick arse daycare

7) No more ramen unless we really want to eat it

8) No major health disasters

Who-hoo!!! Yay us. Now for the turkey who won’t be as lucky.


Nov 22

I am so busy…

I have to come up with like 80 new designs for the work website. Yes, the very one I was 90 percent finished with two weeks ago. The powers that be here have no idea what to do. They cannot help me. I cannot tell them what to do because I have no power or seniority.

Then I got in trouble with HR for taking too many sick days. WTF? If I could’ve worked from home I would have so it’s there fault. Since I got home access, I havn’t missed a single day and have completed a full week’s worth of hours every week, regardless of what I had to do or if the Pumpkin was sick. I hope someone notices this. My boss says not to worry since he knows very well that I am working from home a heck of a lot now.

I have been spending some time working on a Christmas card for our European office. Normally I love this but I am so swamped. Still, I think it came out pretty cute. I sent it off to them for review.

Ok, I have to spend my lunch hour getting organized for turkey day cookery and whatnot so no time to journal. At least I had a cup of Au Bon Pain’s fantastic pumpkin soup which makes any chore more enjoyable.

I need a haircut too…. too too too much on the plate.


Nov 17

I just got finished looking over People’s sexiest men alive and I’m glad to see guys who aren’t so much pretty boys. I’ve always liked more dainty men who are more inclined to be hairless and slight but I think I overdosed on Orlando and now I think a little manliness is ok. One of the choices is this older gentlman from HBO’s Deadwood series. Why is it that a man in his sixties can be sexy but it’s nearly impossible and a mammoth feat for a woman to remain appealing past 50? Sexy men are from every age spectrum and honestly, sexy, for women, is so much beyond just the way a person looks. It’s all attitude. I am all for leaving the clothing on, thank you very much.

However, when lists of sexy women pop up, everyone is so young. At 35, no matter what they try to tell you, you are fairly close to past your asthetic prime. Maxim is full of young chicks, Desparate Housewives aside. I don’t want to have to be a desparate housewife in order to be sexy over 35. What sort of message is that to a young girl anyway, that your life is reduced to that at 35? What about life experience? Sexy is knowing exactly what you want. Sexy is confidence about who you are. Works for men… should work for women too.

Of course we all know, men are wired differently. Men are visual. Women are more mental. Women are much more likely to overlook a few wrinkles if the guy has a nice voice and really knows how to romance a girl. I know this much from reading massive amounts of Maxim, which is always laying around.

Life is not fair. You can’t fight a system that seems to be biological. Fortunately Frank has more wrinkles than me, cos he smokes, and he has gray which I don’t because I dye my hair. But things aren’t where they used to be. I’m not going down without a fight. I have Olay and I know how to use it!


Nov 16

This morning’s meeting went well and resulted in immediate photo donation from people who normally ignore me. Pays to play well with others. I get the feeling that the thorn doesn’t like Crayola-upchuck either. I am creating a few examples now to present to the VP who is like the hand of God around here. What she likes, goes.

The thorn is leaving for a month’s vacation tomorrow. Just when things are going well, he ups and leaves. I promised to send examples to his in-box in the spirit of teamwork and cooperation. My old boss is now getting involved in the mix too, from the marketing perspective. With so many cooks in the kitchen I bet it takes a year to get a design I was almost done with posted live. My boss is fortunately going to push that some decision get made before mid-December because as long as I have a month I can get it done before the end of January. Such is the drama that is corporate in-house design work.

I stopped sulking long enough to realize that my career has just taken a turn. I get to be involved much earlier in things and I get to be around a lot more when decisions are made which means as time goes on I will get to make more decisions too. All this equals a promotion. So no more sulking for me.


Nov 15

Um…. yeah. Looks like the work website is going to be one ugly motha f*cker. Not my fault or my problem. I am trying to make lemonade here and work with the dayglo palette.

The thorn is going on vacation so I don’t know what I’m supposed to do in the meanwhile other than let my bonus goal fade into oblivion. I hate relying on others I cannot control.

The good news is that once I stop sulking I am sure to find something to be happy about. And I have demanded to be in on meetings of all design as to better understand the brand of this zoo and so my designs won’t be so left field, even thought this wasn’t, by any stretch of the imagination, in keeping with the overall brand. I do not get this branding thing. It seems like it can mean whatever any given person wants it to mean. Oh yeah, we’re surving blue mashed potatoes at the Christmas party because it’s our brand.

The thorn was respectful and polite and very nice about everything in general. It just sucks to have to be told what to do 95% into a project that is supposed to be done in a month. When I asked why we didn’t have this meeting earlier I got, well I was busy. I said well 150,000 people see the site every month. Perhaps the website should be either more of a priority or you should just let me do what I want as long as I don’t put flapping bats on the homepage. Anyway, I sense being told what to do which I hate, hate, hate, hate, hate and I think after seven years shouldn’t have to.

Now I get to go to the dentist for what is probably a root canal. It’s been a bad, bad day and it’s not going to get any better.


Nov 14

F*ck. I know what’s coming. Damn Damn Damn!!! I just got an email about a meeting the… usual thorn in my side wants to have about the redesign. Thing is, that three months ago, before I started updating the entire site, we had a meeting and he was fine with the design. I have to have this done before January 1 so natually I started working on it. I am almost done with a month for last minute changes and what-nots that always come up. The thing is that he’s had several months to say something. Why now? When I am so close to deadline and a month to go is cutting it close if he wants to make major changes. Not fair to me who will have to implement them. God I hate people who just throw changes out and have no idea the work it takes and don’t care what other people have to do because it’s not they who have to do the work. They don’t understand how harsh extra hours are when you have a daughter because they don’t have kids. They don’t understand working until 1 in the morning because they don’t have a computer at home. Yet somehow they are a graphic artist. How the hell does a graphic artist not have a home computer? But I digress.

I’m just apprehensive because with his new title, he is given control over all the media including web which he didn’t have before and I’m like I’ll be damned if I’m going to roll over and let him come in, this far into the project, one he said he liked, and make major changes. Nothing has happened so far but I feel it in my blood and this call to a meeting doesn’t rest well.

I can’t help it if I have the sort of work ethic that allows me to get to work on projects right away and leave lots of space at the end before the deadline hits. I do not like waiting for the last minute and I do not appreciate those who come in at the ninth inning and request major changes which I just worry is exactly what will happen. Besides it’s demeening to have put so much work into something, which everyone likes so far, and have the rug be pulled out and made to create something that doesn’t look like anything I would do in a million years.

The last project this happened with, I created these great html emails and all my designs got shot down, and instead they went with something the thorn created which wasn’t as good IMHO. The thing is, later on, I got to do something for an outside meeting that didn’t have to look the same and so I used my original idea and everyone loved it and wants more like that. A year later, the thorn agrees that these are ok and not only that but the print publications are looking a hell of a lot like my original design for the email. More than a coincidence amount of similarity. Almost like they were the basis for the new design.

Point is, I feel like on some level I can hold my own and don’t want to just get bumped from the process. So far things have progresses nicely and I’ve been left alone but whenever I have to deal with this person, I feel threatened mostly because up to now, his ideas have superceeded mine even if they weren’t as nice and I had a million reasons for designing my products the way I did.

I am not looking forward to tomorrow. I am probably going to need a donut after the meeting. My dress mantra is not going to cut it.

On the good side, we took the Pumpkin bowling for the first time. She didn’t quite grasp the wait your turn concept but she did beat both mommy and daddy with a 88 score.

Yesterday they were having a street fair and there were ponies to ride and the Pumpkin was such a brave girl and rode the horse like a pro. Held on and everything. I got to walk along side which was nice. She only fussed a little when the horse went a little too fast but then when he spend up the second time, she was all ready for it and really enjoyed herself. We forgot to bring the camara and have misses yet another milestone… Bad parents… bad bad bad…


Nov 11

I just had the best lunch ever! I returned a very cute but not “me” skirt to BeBe and instead headed over to Cache and found a lovely brown dress. Hopefully I do not look like an Eastern European olympic swimmer in it because it’s a halter and I am pale as hell. Then I went to Nine West because you cannot wear black shoes with a brown dress and voila! Perfect shoes. I have to try the entire ensemble on tonight and see what Frank thinks. I not have inspiration to lose weight again because it would look even better if I lost 5 pounds or so. It helps to have a mental image of the dress looking great except for the blob of tummy that is highlighted by the charmuese fabric. There’s always shape-ware and duct tape. Meanwhile, it really is a pretty outfit even if it is brown and I can wear the dress to the office Christmas party and new years as well as the wedding so I’ll get some wear out of it. Nothing to nuts about the dress so it shouldn’t go out of style in two minutes like so much else does.

Now I know why women shop together. It’s one thing to get a standard black gothy outfit that you know works and whatnot but to try to get something fashionable is much more tricky. The ladies in both Cache and Nine West were very helpful and seemed amused by my enthusiasm because to me, finding a dress that isn’t black and shoes that match that particular shade and nothing is black is like amazing. I even think that the outfit is in keeping with my notebook as to avoid impulse purchases.

Ok – I just got a hellish project at work to do. Back to work for me…


Nov 9

I left early this morning, having gotten the Pumpkin all ready to go so that Frank had minimal things to do to get her off to daycare. I got to Atlantic Ave only to find out my train didn’t leave for 45 minutes. Nothing else was open so I hung out in Starbucks reading sub-standard celebrity gossip magazines. My trip to Hempstead went smoothly. The walk to the transit court place was a little longer than the two blocks the website noted but still not very long. There wasn’t much of a line because I got there before they opened. 30 minutes later, I was in front of an official person, ready to plead my case when he tells me that Frank has five tickets and would have been arrested if I didn’t show up. I ask if I can just pay the stupid tickets and he’s like nope. Apparently we have to come back in two months with a lawyer to find out what we owe, how many points Frank will get on his license and how long it has to be suspended. All this over 5 to 7 year old tickets. The good news is that by the time you get to your second in-person visit, they’re usually willing to work out some deal with you and given he works on cars and hasn’t gotten a ticket in five years, perhaps we’ll get lucky. Meanwhile, I can spend my bonus on something else as everything related to this is on hold.

I got back to the city by 11 and decided to go shopping for a holiday dress for the Pumpkin. I got her lots of cute socks and a shirt for me from H&M. I found the perfect dress from Old Navy as well as a casual dress for her too and some more cute socks. All her socks at home are getting rather tight and creep into her sneakers. I tried to find something festive for me but without my fashion notebook, I am learly of making an impulse purchase. Tonight, I begin the odyssey that is online holiday shopping. Who-hoo! I plan on being done before Thanksgiving. I also drew up the cards so as soon as I am doing with Mom’s invites, I am going to get going on those.

My final word on today is that gangstar hip-hop rap lingo does not belong in a corporate environment. “Y’ y’ yo ,” “Bro,” and “Word” have no place in workplace vernacular. This is a fairly academic and certianly professional place and I enjoy that most people here speak relatively decent English. Unfortunately, recently, things have done downhill. Time to get those earphones out again.


Nov 7

Tired. Way too much weekend for me. Saturday I was supposed to come into the city really quick in the morning to print out my mom’s invitations to her wedding. But we decided to go as a family so we left a little later. We got to Daytona Trimmings for the ribbon. Not exactly what I had in mind but an ok subsitute. Then the E and V weren’t going to my stop so we have to walk from W. 39th all the way to E. 50th. Blech! the Pumpkin was a good sport because it’s a long time for her to be stuck in the stroller. Frank was supposed to take her to the Sony wonderlab but he opted to stay with me while I printed out the stuff. Things didn’t go as smoothly as I would have liked due to printer non-cooperation so that took a little longer. Then Mom and John are now not sure of the date so I could only print out certian things. Still I got a decent amount done.

From work, we headed to Queens where Mom picked us up from Shea. Not bad considering we had both the Pumpkin and a suitcase to drag around. We got back to Mom’s where she cooked us a great dinner. After the Pumpkin went to sleep, Frank and I headed out to the WLIR Luxe reunion. Plenty of familiar faces. Our friends Sharon, Marty and his girlfriend met us there as well as lots of people from the old Detour crowd. Looks like it might be a monthly so maybe we’ll try to get out once in a while. Everyone looks more or less the same. Strange how freaks don’t really age. They actually played decent music which was nice except for this one set which was all like clubby house techno. Blech! If I wanted that, I could go to Webster Hall. And plenty of guidos. I never appreciate our crowd until I am subjected to a room full of normal people. Anyway, they allowed smoking inside so that was a little crappy too. I just read that smoking can actually make you gain weight by causing some sort of imbalance. Yet another reason to give it up. Frank is still trying… I am still nagging.

Another familiar face was that of Mallrat. I actually didn’t spot him first. I think Sharon did. Homeboy was all alone, drinking away. He looked like crap, has gained a bit of weight. Maybe he quit doing blow? I’m sure he recognized us because later we walked right in front of him as he was trying to kick it to some girl. Still pathetic. Karma really does work. No need to get revenge there. Still, not getting closure sucks. Not getting an apology sucks. Not getting to inflict physical pain sucks. Then again, I’m not in a dark corner drinking alone. Sigh, why do certian things get under your skin and just fester no matter how much time passes? It’s annoying.

Mom and John were heading out to the Island to pick up their rings so we got to go home early enough to do laundry and relax which was nice. We also took the Pumpkin out to the playground for some exercize.

On the agenda is the Pumpkin’s birthday. I think they have a party at daycare so maybe just a small family gathering would be ok for the family. Just as well since space is such a premium. I think we’ll do it at our place this time. I have to think about it and price things. I also want to start holiday shopping and get my Christmas cards out early. Have to think of a design for those.


Nov 3, 2005

I do not see why Mallowmars can’t be considered an acceptable breakfast food. They are so good. I am so happy eating them. I figure I’ll have a few every morning and try to make the box last longer than one day. Wish me luck because they are better than I remembered.

I got a very pleasent comment from the wife and a friend of Frank’s from back in the day. He’s going to be so happy when I relay the message because this is a person he always talks about missing and wanting to get back in touch with. Of course, it’s always the wives that have to do the work. 😉

I completely forgot to shop at Duane Reade because I didn’t write in on a post-it. I am now officially and completely beholden to the mighty post-it if I hope to get anything accomplished.

I just spent 70$ at Duane Reade. I decided to spring for expensive lotion to cure the leprosy that had hatched on my left hand and wouldn’t you know it? It’s already looking a little better. My skin is so dry and the cheapo stuff just doesn’t cut it because my skin is falling off. I bought Lubriderm for the hands, Neutrogena for the body and Olay body wash. Nothing too girly since Frank needs to use it too. I intend on fighting this dry skin thing head on. I also got lip moisturizer and new anti-wrinkle stuff and mascara because you have to replace this stuff. I love shopping for beauty things. Now I feel pretty.


Nov 2, 2005

So annoyed. The Nassau Country Traffic jerks are coming after Frank for 7 year-old speeding tickets. I have to take a day off, or a half day hopefully, to go to lovely Hempstead and fight them on the late charges since this is the first time I’ve ever seen a notice. I do not want to spend my hard earned bonus on something Frank did years before we got together and the fees accrued becuase he was too careless to pay them off in the first place. This is why I manage the money, in case anyone questions that. Frank sucks with money and paying bills and anything involving paper work. He is the stick it in a drawer and forget about it. He is pissed off but it’s his own fault. Damn, I would have rather spent the money on something more fun but at least I have the money to cover it instead of us getting into some deep shit or having to borrow once again from my mother. I’m not going down without a fight and I intend on opening a can of Zan-flavored whoop-arse on these morons.

I am having the sort of day that involves many small projects which always goes faster. I have to remember to review this website this weekend and make sure everything is in order for its submission to the Webby awards people. Wish me luck! Winning a Webby would be nothing short of amazing to have happen to this little website.

the Pumpkin has a nagging cough. If it’s not one thing it’s another. When is my little girl going to get a break? I am tired of her being sick. After procrastinating for weeks, I finally wrote all the things I had to do on a post-it note and voila! I got everything done. Zoè has her ENT appointment with a specialist covered by our insurance. I have a dentists appointment to take care of my pesky cavities. I deposited my bonus check to cover the stupid traffic crap as forementioned and I had a nice walk outside as well and I cancelled our order for the potraits we had done over the weekend because they really weren’t all that good and for that much money, we’d rather pay one of our friends instead. I love the power of the post it. It’s amazing what it can accomplish.

Next few projects include Christmas cards and mailing. Presents for the immeadiate fam only. We’re still budgeting and can’t afford much. I figure I’ll start now and not get myself into a pinch. Last year I made goodie baskets for everyone which was a big success. On the bad side, they were generic but on the good side, they enabled us to reciprocate with those who gave us something while not making us have to get something for everyone which we just can’t do. Luckily Martha Stewart has some wonderful ideas on handmade presents. I just have to make my list and mock-up a schedule and I will be all set. Can’t forget to get going on Mom’s wedding invitations as well. She picked on out and is working on content. I just need to get out and get the paper supplies.

I’ve eaten too much Halloween candy and I feel like all the work I’ve done with my diet just went out the window. The good thing about having my teeth hurt is that I really can’t eat the stuff any more. Speaking of Halloween, the Pumpkin makes the cutest “ooooo” sounds when we ask her what a ghost says. She calls them “go-s”

I read an encouraging article that said that wooley-bear catapillers have predicted a mild winter by the colors their displaying. I love that — weather predicting fashionista bugs. I love caterpillers. So fuzzy.


Nov 1, 2005

I’m fianlly back at work. We were able to take the Pumpkin trick or treating which was the cutest thing ever. She got the hang of it really fast when she realized what was going into her pumpkin. They actually close off the streets for a few hours so the kids can trick or treat in safety. I’ve never seen so many kids, probably because everything is so close together. Only in Brooklyn do the moms and dads have wine and cheese while they hand out candy. It was the best Halloween in a long time.

Sunday I took the Pumpkin to the Prospect Park Zoo. We missed some of the festivities because we got a late start because we had to do laundry and with just me, that took a while. But still, we had a decent time. I can’t believe how early it gets dark now.

We ended the evening with a showing of Nightmare Before Christmas and some candy eating. I love the fall.


Oct 30, 2005

I am more tired than anyone should be. Working full time and being a full time mommy is no joke. I was hoping for a little relief this weekend but Frank has been gone for half of it, attending his aunt’s birthdy party. Only one of us can have liberty at a time. Of course when the Pumpkin is gone away to college I will long for these days again. Already, she is such a big girl.

She is feeling like herself again, eating away and sleeping regular dispite the time change. Neither one of us wanted to do the laundry but we had to do it. I still have to fold so the rest of this will be brief. After laundry was done we headed to the Zoo. I think she had a decent time. She was tired so it was a little trying and then I threw away her applesauce because she said she was done with it but changed her mind after I already threw it away. Whoops. She forgave me when I produced some apple juice instead.

So without futher ado, I’m off to fold laundry then pass out from exhaustion.


Oct 27, 2005

I love working from home – la la la

I’ve wasted an entire hour waiting for my boss to answer his email. Damn!!! Another fifteen minutes and I am going to start the intranet redesign just to have something to do and be productive. I will not lose valuable work time when it’s not my fault. I figure I can get about 5 to 6 hours of work done a day and make up the rest on the weekend so I do not have to actually take any sick days off.

Plus I cleaned the turtle tank and took Zoe to the park. Thankfully there weren’t any kids for her to pass the pox too. Ok – I am getting back to work now, pussyfooters be damned!


Oct 26, 2005

the Pumpkin has Coxaksies or however you spell it. It’s very contagious and annoying but not deadly. I’m missing two days of work this week which sucks – I have so much to do. So meanwhile, I will be giving this working from home a try.

This email has been brought to you by the letter M and the numbers 0 and 2. Thank God for the distracting qualities of Sesame Street or I wouldn’t have been able to answer my email at all.

the Pumpkin’s mouth is full of blisters and she can’t really eat anything and she has a fever. Such a trooper though. Besides getting tired more often, she is playing and running around. Thank God when you get sick, you aren’t as hungry anyway. Like chicken pox, she just has to wait it out. Meanwhile, it’s super contagious. Hopefully, we won’t get it. I’m using the anti bactirial stuff like crazy but she’s drooling all over everything and her drool is full of the pox! Blech.

I hooked up to work from here so at least I’m getting some work done. I did half a day’s work so I only have to take half a sick day and if I can make up some more tonight, maybe even less. It gives me a chance to catch up on some backend stuff. I just really have to get things done and can’t afford to miss this much time.

Keeping the pumpkin entertained has been a challenge. When she wakes up we’ll have either playdough time or fun with finger paints.


Oct 24, 2005

It was a good weekend with lots of accomplishments. Friday I caught up with all my bills and paperwork including spending two hours shredding old documents and credit card applications we definitely don’t need. Saturday we headed to Mom’s. the Pumpkin got to meet her cousin for the first time. It was so cute. She gave Rose little kisses and was like baby this and baby that. We even let her hold her, sort of. the Pumpkin is very gentle and every time Rose would cry, which wasn’t very much, the Pumpkin would run over and see what was wrong. So cute. I think, if we go there, that the Pumpkin will make a very good big sister.

Rose is a very good baby. She really seems easy to please and rather low-key which is good for my sister who is on her own most of the time. We all got to take turns holding her, not as hard as I thought it would be with the brace on. She screamed the first time I held her, which is expected because kids hate me, but then I told her about shoes and taking her shopping and all the girly things we’re going to do together and she seemed to like that. I can’t imagine having two kids at the same time before one is old enough to behave and sit still, not to mention double diaper duty. Rose is so light compared to the Pumpkin who is pushing 30 lbs now and so tiny. the Pumpkin didn’t get jealous at all which is such a good sign just in case.

I got all the laundry done and even a hellish trip to Target and BabiesRUs. I’ve assembled the goodie bags for daycare because next weekend we get to do it all over again. I had planned all these outings to Prospect Park and the zoo but we have a sudden family event to attend on Sunday so Frank and I will be spending next weekend by mom’s too. I think Saturday is open so maybe I’ll take the Pumpkin to the Queens Farm museum which I think she’ll love. Her homework for October, yes she has homework, is to learn about farms and fire safty, which it’s too early for but made Frank and I review what we’d do in the case of an emergency. She also is supposed to learn the color orange. We’re working on that still since so far she hasn’t said any colors yet. In any case, the homework is good for us too since it let’s us know some neat things we can do with her at home for constructive play.

Mom and John booked the hall for January 7th so we’re full swing into wedding planning. They’ve already picked a DJ and the church is all set up so they’re moving along with the planning. I noticed that my notebook I made for them went along to the location so I feel really good about all the time I spent on it and am happy it’s proving to be useful. They also picked out one of the proofs for their invitations so now we just have to pick out raw materials so we can get that finished and out in the mail.

When I woke up Saturday, my back was killing me. No more massages for me. I’ll just stay stressed out thank you very much.

Stupid weather. We’ll be taking it easy this week and eating lots of soup.


Oct 21, 2005

Here I am thinking I’ve been writing a lot and I haven’t.

First, I got my review. I did very well. Still need to improve my working with others. I think what’s happening is, that the one person who is thinking I am not communicating is thinking I actually am designing more stuff than I am. He doesn’t have the slightest idea what it is that I do so he doesn’t realize that a lot of what I do is populating and not design. All my projects I have run by this guy so I don’t know how more communative I can be without moving my computer into his office and setting up shop there. He’s a slob so I would go absolutely bonkers.

Doesn’t matter. I still got a raise and my boss said that although my request for a promotion got shot down, he’s going to find out why and let me know and in six months I’ll get another review and should be able to get it then. My bosses, two immeadiate above me though I deserved a promotion. I think it might be about money, even though I said I didn’t want any. There is some sort of grade thing too so I probably have to change what I do a little bit, become a little more involved and vocal. Blah blah blah. Nothing I can’t do once I know what they’re looking for.

I’ve been treating myself to a few nice things. My teeth are killing me because my wisdom teeth have to go. Means only soft food. I’ve been eating oatmeal from Au Bon Pain but realize how stupid that it and will return to Quaker, ha ha ha I just typed quacker by accident there chuckle chuckle. I ate an entire box of Snackwells. I don’t care. Tomorrow – back on the diet. One off day isn’t going to kill me or change things much as long as it is one day.

Today was the health fair. I got my first massage, which hurt very bad until it was over and then I felt like jello. I also got a hand massage. I’ve never been so relaxed. I got to meet a nice chiropractor who I can see once I visit with the neurologist about my hands, if the neuro guy says chiropractic can help. I’m all about non-medication solutions. Because I stayed until the end of the fair, I got balloons to take home to the Pumpkin which is also nice. She will be so surprised.

Two hours is a long way to go. Back to get a few more things done before I leave.


Oct 19, 2005

Somehow my result got screwed up on the what’s your religion test.

Nothing new to report except that I’m a Taoist. Hee hee. I wonder if that entitles one to any good days off of work? Those little quizes are always fun. Speaking of work, I got a good review and the bonus is coming. Not a moment too soon since I need to have my wisdom teeth out pronto. My mouth is killing me. Stupid dental pain is always the worst.

Otherwise all is well. I am one week closer to being back on budget. I have filled out my book faithfully all week and already feel so much better. I found out from a coworker that I can get a gym membership for $75 a year! which is something I can actually afford. All I need is a dry and safe place to run. I might start going twice a week during my lunch hour. Another co-worker want to be my gym buddie so I’ll even have motivation. I can already feel the pesky belly fade away. Not to mention the increased energy which I need especially now to keep up with the Pumpkin.

Now for something sad. My red mushroom jacket, which I made and have had for over 10 years has dissappeared. I am very sad but not quite distraut yet. I plan to clean out the closet because yesterday I found a dress on the floor that I hadn’t seen in months that somehow fell to the back. I wonder and hope that the jacket has just been the victim of closet appitite and with a little searching will resurface.


Oct 17, 2005

Someone was handing out little samples of Dove in the break room. I like Dove. If it’s good perhaps I will change from the usual Olay.

Anyhoo, good weekend. Got all the housework done with time to spare. Went out to look for paper for Mom’s wedding invites on Saturday. Kate’s Paperie had the nicest stuff but they’re way over priced. In the end we got a book of art nouveau motifs and will work with that. I really get to stretch my artistic legs so we’ll see how it goes. John bought us dinner (the Pumpkin was with us) and afterwards we hung out in a playground for a little while. Everyone in Manhattan was out and about. Bad weather is much worse to deal with when you’re stuck indoors in a 10′ x 10′ apartment. Of course that many people make being outside as crowded and cramped as being indoors. We took back roads.

Yesterday we managed short outings for laundry and food shopping. Frank woke up with back pain on Saturday so our weekend was pretty homebound, at least for him. Even the perscription strength muscle relaxers aren’t working. He’s being a trooper and going to work anyway. Last night I played with the Pumpkin and organized all her toys so that she only has to get out one bin at a time. She’s still refusing to wear clothes in the apartment and it’s getting cold. At night, if I put a blanket on her, she wakes up crying. Does not like blankets. We’ll have to figure something out since it’s getting too cold to just wear a diaper.

I got an email with information about being a Method cleaning product representative. Who-hoo!!! Let me spread the word. Love Method. Love love love it. And now I get to go out and tell others and give them coupons. Aside from the dish cleaner, which doesn’t bubble up like I think it should, everything else works great. I haven’t scrubbed my bathtub in months and low and behold, no mildew or scuzz. When I finish cleaning the apartment it smells good, not like cholrine. The wood cleaner smells like almonds. The living room smells like marzipan after I clean the floors. Plus, if the Pumpkin happens to drink any, all we have to do is give her water to drink and call the pediatrician. Clean apartment plus no dead baby equals a happy mommy. Love, love, love Method. So when they asked for people to represent and spread the word around, I gladly volunteered. I get a little kit with samples and coupons and a t-shirt.


Oct 14, 2005

I got here early, so I am leaving early. I am moldy. This has been too much rain. I long to feel sunlight on my face. Poor the Pumpkin hasn’t been able to run around outside at all this week. She’s watching far too much TV. I wish she was a little older and we could do fun projects like rearrange the closet or bake cookies. She already arranges her toys just so, so I think she has inherited my organizing gene. This weekend we’re going to get out and do something rain or not. The Met is always there and cheapo.

I outsmarted the work heating system by wearing a tank top to work today. I also used my new shrug sweater for the first time. I’m wish I could wear my trousers but will not in this weather. I prefer to have easy dry legs which means skirts and cropped pants only. Just as well since I’m roasting at work.

I screwed up the family finances again but this time is the last time, which I say every time. I find myself with a little time left before bedtime these days so I am starting up the budget book again since it never let me down. Laziness always bites me in the arse.

Of course I just got something to do and I am supposed to be out of here already. So typical on a Friday. People BS all day and pussyfoot and then realize at 4 pm that they actually had work to do for today and then everyone have to haul arse to get things done. So aggrevating.


Oct 12, 2005

I like a good rainy day. I like to bake cookies and work on Frank’s blanket on days like today. I do not like to come to work and take the train. Wet subway smells worse than wet dog. I just want to stay in bed and snuggle with the Pumpkin. She gave me a super long hug before I put her in her high chair for breakfast this morning which is the best thing in the whole world. We’re using the backpack for transit so our mornings are a little longer since I don’t need the same amount of time to get to daycare. Being a working mom sucks so instead I try to think about the relative calmness and peace and quiet I get here. There is order at work. I have a schedule at work. These things make me happy too.

Today is going to be a nice day of updating the website. I should be able to make some progress. Unless it’s an emergency, I’m not doing it. Being Wednesday, the work week is almost half over. Gotta love those holidays.


Oct 11, 2005

I didn’t want to come back to work today because I knew what was waiting for me… the INBOX OF DOOOMMMMMM!!! After one hour I just wanted to hide under my desk. By now though, I’m ok. The leftover cake from my workmate’s baby shower which I missed on Friday is less than a foot away from me but I don’t want to be the first to take a piece. I just might have to cave though. It’s Veneiro’s. I know this cake and I know it’s very tasty. I give myself 15 more minutes of willpower.

Not that I’m going anywhere but having an open journal doesn’t help me really work out issues. Note to self… comment out the private stuff and get it out because I’m driving everyone except the Pumpkin crazy and that’s only because she is too young to figure out her mama’s certifiably nuts. I wrote a little on the subway this morning and already I feel much better. Not like I have a whole lotta shit to say about other people in my life but sometimes certian opinions are better kept to oneself, you know? But as a verbal person, not saying anything is driving me mad. By tomorrow everything will be better or worse or the same – who knows. I have some balls to throw into the court.

We spent the weekend recovering from family duties. The weather was God-awful so we took the Pumpkin to the Transit Museum. She loves to run around on the subway and there we can let her. I have no idea why but I get totally creeped out walking through the old subway cars. She doesn’t care and could have run around all day. She also got to sit in the driver’s seat of a “bus” and “drive” mommy and daddy around. Too much fun. I think I got a picture. We’re bad parents. Always forgetting the camera.

Sunday started off bad. Frank and I are bickering a lot. Nothing serious. We probably just need some QT. Anyhoo, we spent the afternoon at the South Street Seaport museum. More old stuff. Very smelly. Frank was dissappointed by the lack of pirate items. There was a very interesting exhibit about Walt Whitman including a recording of his voice which has a definitely Brooklyn accent to it. I wonder. Exactly how old is the Brooklyn accent? Going to museums is difficult with the Pumpkin. She is running around too much to see things and we have to slow her down a bit. I’m usually tethered to her so I see very little. Good thing she does laps because by the second or third go, I usually do get to see something. She knows boat so we looked for pictures of boats and everytime she saw one she laughed.

Yesterday I got a personal day since daycare was open but work was not. Frank had work so I was all alone. I did my hair and some laundry but mostly just watched tv. I could have been productive but wasn’t. Felt good.

Last thing – cute the Pumpkin thing. It was nearing bedtime but I was asking the Pumpkin if she wanted to play for a little more and when I didn’t come right away she decided to just lay down, right on the floor and tuck herself in. She says tuck tuck tuck. She’s really on schedule. So cute. Frank and I were laughing so hard. I really love her so much. Moments like that make all the fuss worthwhile.


Oct 7, 2005

What a week for us. Tuesday I stayed home because I figured I got Frank’s flu. He already had been excused for the week by the doctor because last time he pushed it and worked through the flu, he ended up in the hospital. That afternoon, after a nice three hour nap which did wonders, my sister called and said she was in the hospital and they were going to induce. Silly girl didn’t realize her water broke but when a pregnant lady two days over her due date wakes up in a puddle, what else could it be?

We decided to make it a family outting although I think it would have been more relaxing for Frank to stay home, but we headed on the LIRR for Lake Success and L.I. Jewish Hospital. Everything was fine and speedy; transfers smooth and enough space for the baby jogger on the LIRR. Then we tried to wait for the bus. 50 minutes later, preceeded by some very strong language, we decided to walk it. 40 minutes later and over 3 miles later, we finally made it to the hospital. Christine was just starting to get some decent active labor contractions so I was just in time. Mom and John beat us by an hour so she wasn’t alone. John left to get some food and keep Frank company and Mom and I stayed with Christine. We thought the boys would go and get Matt, my sister’s boyfriend, but only John went. Frank and the Pumpkin cruised the hospital until she fell asleep. Thank God for the PSP because otherwise Frank would have gone postal. During this time, the anastetheologist came by with the epidural which was the end of labor for my sister. Once Matt showed up, Frank went back to my mom’s with the Pumpkin so they could get some sleep. Matt stayed with Christine while Mom and I went to join John for some energy snacks. By the time we got back, she was ready to push. About an hour later she delivered a relatively large baby girl, at eight lbs. Afterwards she was very energetic while the rest of us tried not to fall asleep. She didn’t have a private room so we couldn’t stay overnight. Rose had to spend the night in the NICU because my sister had a fever and they were worried about infection. All in all it wasn’t too bad.

She found out the next day that Rose has hip displasia, for which she gets to wear a pretty cool brace outfit that’s sort of sporty. It’ll just be for a few weeks hopefully and aside from a little difficulty changing her, doesn’t seem to be too bothersome to her. Plus, I bet it makes her more sturdy to hold instead of like a mush. She nurses pretty well although getting a bottle in the hospital has made her prefer the bottle when she’s tired which is a lot. There’s a little concern for jaundice so my sister has to wake Rose up to feed her which really makes her mad. Poor girl, first couple days have been really hard. She just wants to be left alone. But things will work out. My sister has an electric pump so already things are a lot easier if she has to pump and feed.

Because I’m a little sick I didn’t want to touch the baby. She’s very cute and rather baby-like, alert and looking at everything. I’ll have pictures up if I can get a spare moment tomorrow. Lately the Pumpkin’s been a little trying and very cranky which is so hard because I want our time together to be really fun and not full of fussing. We’re getting so many words – stop, go, bagel, pumpkin, eel, thank you and please. There are more but I don’t remember right now. We spent the day cleaning so the weekend’s open for something fun. Maybe the Transit Museum since the weather’s supposed to be crappy.

I’m tired but now that I’ve passed off the wedding portfolio to my mom and John, I can relax. It was just in time since they had written their guest list out on a napkin. They’re off this weekend to look at venues. It’s going to be a lot of fun.

There’s more but I’m too tired to write it…


Sept 30, 2005

I am not working anymore. I have Friday burnout syndrome. Instead I have added another chapter to this fiction thing I am working on. And now I am catching up with the blog for the week. Nothing terribly exciting happened. the Pumpkin has developed a distaste for clothing so now getting her dressed is a battle of wills. A wiggling and screaming toddler is very hard to dress but as the weather is getting colder, I can’t let her go out naked. I am thinking about offering her a truce. Perhaps if she gets dressed nicely in the morning, we can forgo pajamas at night. I have a funny feeling she gets really hot at night anyway.

We have a busy weekend planned even though we’re supposed to be taking it easy. Not my fault both my church’s Octoberfest and the free Ren Faire in Fort Trylon are both this weekend and we’d like to do both. We’ll see. Everything is pending on my sister anyway since she could pop at any moment. For the prelim we have a haircut (Frank) planned for tonight and then relaxing with a quick dinner. Tomorrow, early to Target and then home to nap and after, off to Octoberfest. Sunday, we’ll hope the Pumpkin takes an early nap and then head out to the ren faire. Somewhere in this I have to clean the apt and do laundry. We’ll see how it goes since just writing about it is making me tired. Might have to choose one over the other so the Pumpkin can get decent naps this weekend.

Finally, last night I got to organize my clippings into my scrapbooks. I have one for home things, fashion and beauty, and gifts. The idea is that when I’m ready to buy something, I don’t want to make an impuse purchase. This way I can review the items I’ve liked over the past and pick something that fits in with my long term instead of something trendy. I can make a beeline for what I want and skip shopping entirely. Also, picking out gifts ahead of time means I can do birthday or Christmas shopping in an hour picking things out of my notebook and then going online instead of spending last minute weekends rushing around like a maniac Christmas Eve. Plus, like 80, dogeared magazines have been replaced with three neat notebooks. Oh – I just remembered that I have to get more tape.

Ok, enough time wasted. I’m off!


Sept 26, 2005

I hate Mondays. Now that that’s out of the way…

Friday… can’t remember that. Frank was feeling under the weather so we didn’t get to see his sister. She’s on medication for the Crones that compromises her immune system. Frank’s little cold could really make her ill so we had to pass. So sorry about that since we really hate missing a visit. Instead I went to IKEA and bought little vases for my bamboo plants, a rubber mat for the tub since the Pumpkin is now taking little showers and doesn’t like a full bath anymore and a kick-arse potato peeler. My seriously ravished hands are happy. I peeled an apple as soon as I got home just to see and it works great. For $2.99 I can afford to buy several a year and have a nice sharp one always available. We ordered Dallas BBQ in, which is a big splurge and it came late and was cold. The stupid delivery person didn’t go into the Baltic Street entrance even though I explicitely told the order taker to go that way. Instead of calling into to the restaurant to confirm, he just sat out there until someone came out of our building and he had the nerve to complain about waiting. Frank had to walk into the other room to keep from screaming at him. I mean what’s the point of having a cell phone if you’re not going to use it. I complained, nicely, to the manager and got 15% off our next order. I’m creating a little map to attach to the door showing the correct entrance into the building to help wayward delivery people and guests. Should have done it months ago and figured the office would do it but you know, if you want to do something right…

Saturday night we thought we heard a horrible car accident, which woke us up but then didn’t see anything. Several minutes later, we also thought we heard gun shots but could have been anything really. Didn’t see anything, not that I’d want to. Didn’t sleep very well after that. No more sleeping with the windows open.

Sunday was Frank and my anniversary. Who-hoo. We don’t make a big deal of these things since we’re happy with things every day. We went to the aquarium with an old class mate of Frank’s, his girlfriend Maggie, their son Noah (5) and her son Jonah (1.5). She is really nice and her kids are very well mannered. Absolutely no fussiness. I am amazed and in awe. Maggie is a really great mom and they’re both such relaxed parents. the Pumpkin was her usual energetic self so I was teathered and off running most of the time. She was happy to have someone her own age to “talk” to and when she held still, they did babble back and forth to each other. We took some great photos which will be on the website soon. Work is still crazy so maybe tomorrow or Wednesday depending. It was nice to be out with people who understand toddler craziness even if theirs is a great deal more calm than the Pumpkin. Frank participated in a plate spinning trick a Russian magician did. The show was part of Russian culture day.

the Pumpkin crashed on the way home and never woke up. Even later, when my sister and Matt came over for dinner, we took her out of the bed, and changed her and she didn’t do more than open her eyes and re-adjust. We were worried that she would wake up early but she slept fairly well and until 5:45 this morning. Since she wouldn’t wake up, we had a nice relaxing dinner.

This might be one of the last hectic weekends. We’re trying to squeeze every last bit of good weather and summer out of the season, even though it’s technically fall. I think we’re a little burned out and are going back to one major outting a weekend and better adherance to the schedule.

Lucky me. Today at work I got to listen to a conversation about someone at someone’s church who has just gotten hemmeroid surgery, and not the laser kind either. I can’t wear earphones because I need to concentrate on my flash navigation so I can’t help but to hear this cos she’s loud. At least during lunch it’s quiet.


Sept 22, 2005

I am not doing any more work today. I am exhausted and worked through lunch just to get some headway with the uber design. My boss has had more meetings and no one is trashing the site yet. I might get to have my vision realized after all. About time really. Meanwhile, I am flashing like a maniac. I need to find someone who knows how to generate flash navigation automatically based on a Cold Fusion query. Sounds like fun.

We initiated the new schedule last night and so far so good. I posted it on the frig so Frank and I are on the same page. the Pumpkin slept until nearly 7 which was nice and woke up with a smile which is more like our little pumpkin. We had a little power struggle over getting dressed although I gave her a choice of two, the maximum she gets, outfits. Can’t win when she wants to be naked. Thankfully, even when she’s screaming I can get her dressed in two minutes. We had a very nice walk to daycare. Mr Rat got to ride in the stroller. the Pumpkin buckled him in first which was very cute. She’s really evolving into a little person these days.

I stayed up too late last night watching stupid television and I can’t even remember what I watched now… I hate being burned out from work and need a nice weekend to relax. We’re planning on visiting my sister in law on Saturday and my sister is driving us so that elimitated much stress right there. I’m looking forward to good company and a change of scenery.

Not much else. Too tired really.


Sept 21, 2005

Had a wonderful visit from Pookie this weekend. He braved shopping and brunch with the Pumpkin. We enjoyed a very good time and good conversation of the grown-up variety. He never ceases to impress me with not only his intelligence but his down-to-earth attitude and good sense of humor. Hopefully we’ll have another visit sooner than three years…

Rita is headed towards my cousins. Hopefully they’ll be ok. My uncle has a habit of making poor judgement calls so I hope the fam overides him and they leave instead of trying to brave it out.

Otherwise it’s just work and trying to install a new schedule to accommodate the Pumpkin’s new sleep pattern. Too late to be up. Watching new shows lately; Supernatural, Weeds and Invaders. We like Weeds – not too sure about the other two. We shall see.


Sept 16, 2005

I have no idea where this week went. I’m very sure I did not call in sick but I don’t remember working five whole days. I’ve been very very very busy. The redesign, which actually looks like something I designed for once, has been recieved very well by all those who could kill it if they wanted to so it looks like my vision will finally be realized. I have been working on mad flash navigation and have finally outsmarted Macromedia. It is now my bee-otch. Process – slave – process! We’re are working together nicely. Yesterday at the staff meeting I found out I pretty much have to do everything all over but it’s ok, I’m looking forward to getting it perfect now.

Sometimes I need a break so I’ve been creating a portfolio of items for my Mom’s upcoming wedding. Initially I hear something along the lines of November which is tight. Mom cannot party plan. For some reason she is being a party pooper simply because this is wedding number three. I think she should have a huge party because finally she is with something she can spend the rest of her life with and we really like him. They are very romantic and should celebrate that. No reason to have a down-low sneak wedding. I did and I regret it. Anyone who wants to see what I’m up to can go to http://www.zansite-ny.com/flash_momWedding.html. I made a flash for her because I don’t get to see her in person as much and two months is a hellish short time to prepare. All she has to do is say yes or no and my sister and I will take care of the rest, even down to making the wedding cake. My sister is an excellent baker and with Frank to help with construction I think we can make a beautiful cake.

So I’ve been busy. For the last two nights, the Pumpkin has picked out her own bedtime story. I hold each on up and she either says yes or no. Such a big girl…


Sept 14, 2005

I am making fabulous progress on my work projects but they are taking up all my time so not as much writing being done. What I am doing is adding a lot to my American Gothic fiction project. I got my first reader comment which I’m thrilled about.

We spent a nice weekend in Queens for my sister’s baby shower. We spent way too much at the party goods store but it was worth it to decorate the place for her party and get the Pumpkin a rather cute halloween costume. I really could have made something but I am lucky to have time to clean the apartment, let alone sew at this rate. Target is a bad store and even with a list, we went over budget there too. Of course Halloween is in full swing and there are so many nice things we’d like to get because there is nothing for the rest of the year. the Pumpkin did the cutest thing. We told her that “A-tee’s” baby is in her belly. And the Pumpkin was pointing and said baby. Then she looked under my sister’s shirt to see the baby and since she didn’t find anything, she promptly told us no, accompanied by a disgusted face, as if how dare we tell her there is a baby there when quite plainly, there is no baby. We all laughed quite hard.

We couldn’t figure out what she was singing but now we know – twinkle twinkle little star. She sings all the time. So cute. I especially get a kick out of it. No words, of course, but you can definitely tell what song it is.

I can’t believe it’s Wednesday already. I know there was more to the weekend but I have a lot of work to do so this will have to do.


Sept 9, 2005

I have recovered from yesterday’s misfortune and risen to kick Flash’s butt. I got the navigation for the index page done, only like 200 more to go. Doesn’t matter, I still work 80 times faster than the decision makers at work. I’ll be done before they even finish tying their shoes. Corporate America – surprised anything gets done around here. When the Chinese and Indians figure out how crappy we are and that they are more efficient and cost effective, we’re screwed.

Anyhoo, looking forward to a relaxing weekend in Queens. Tonight the seester comes to get us. I have to do dishes and clean Clutch’s tank before we leave. Tomorrow is her baby shower which should be fun. After, we’ll swing by Astoria to drop off needed items for NOLA loved ones. Sunday my sister is having a yard sale. I am so happy to be getting rid of crap. I cleaned out any extra lines we didn’t need to send to NOLA and I am surprised how much room I have. I forced Frank to park with our Halloween sheet because they’re so thin. The problem with novelty sheets is that they are always like 180-count and therefore do not last long. I kept the quilt since that’s a little more sturdy but still, polyester. I hate polyester-blend bedding. From now on nothing less than 220 and 100% cotton. Anyway the closet looks nice and empty and I no longer have to cram things in only to be attacked by an onslought of falling sheets and towels, ever time I want to change the bedding. Do two and a half people really need 12 bath towels? Of course not. And especially not when other people really need something. Should be a nice relaxing weekend in any case.

I finished reading “The Vice-Counsel” by Margarite Duras. Didn’t care for it really. I liked “The Lover” but this was a little too fragmented and kind of gave me a headache while I read. Characters were coming and going and she uses a lot of incomplete sentences and strung together phrases. I don’t have the energy to read literature these days. I’m on to some short stories by Margaret Atwood. I have a week before they have to be back to the library. I just read in TONY that Gaimen came out with a new book so hopefully they’ll get a copy in.

I watched “Harold and Kumar go to White Castle” earlier this week and almost pissed my knickers. I’m not sure if it’s funny if you’ve never made a run for munchies at 3am but since I have, I thought it was very funny indeed.

I’m slowly getting into Halloween mode. I have no idea what to do with the Pumpkin. All the pre-fab costumes just aren’t cute and I don’t know if I’m going to have time to make something. Then again, I should just bite the bullet, tell Frank he has to take her out to the park and just pound out a costume for her. But what to make? Last years butterfly still fits, just in case as a last resort.


Sept 8, 2005

The ladies who yap constantly got into with another chick from another department about how things are done. Rather amusing. Honestly, this place has a habit of doing things arse-backward. Any time anyone tries to initiate a process improvement, it takes a force of God or literaly a VP threatening firing to get the old fogeys here to change their way of doing things. I’m surprised these people know how to use a computer at all, they are so stuck in a circa 1970s rut. This place keeps people way beyond their prime when they could hire people who are more flexible. I wonder if it’s a coincidence that the particular parties involved do nothing but talk about crap all day long that is completely unrelated to the job. Maybe if they actually paid attention to their work, they wouldn’t have so many problems.

Unlike some people at this place, I have been very busy this morning. I made most of the changes suggested at yesterday’s meeting and it looks very nice and still like my design. I am working on the navigation now and hope for the best with that. I’m taking a little break to eat lunch and play scrabble and hope to really burn through the afternoon in order to get the site ready for my boss to show to more people. I’m actually happy our half-day Fridays are over because I need more time this week to work.

The worse part about co-workers acting in unprofessional manners and having arguments, loudly, nearby is that it is so disruptive to my work which requires a fair amount of concentration. I think this afternoon will merit earphones so I can tune them out.


Sept 6, 2005

We took a break from current events this weekend and opted to just have a good time and be thankful that we can and that we’re together. I enjoyed my last half-day Friday by cleaning the apartment very thoroughly. Unfortunately I am losing the battle with the schmootz and don’t forsee anyway to get the walls to look clean except to paint them. Scrubbing them, as I found out, now only results in a schmear. I hate the BQE.

Saturday Kelvin, Shawnda and my sister joined us for breakfast. A word to the wise, if you ever plan on going to the Statue of Liberty, best to camp out in Battery Park the night before because you will be met with a mile-long line. It did move quickly but not quick enough for us to make our tour. I have a feeling that many of the people in front of us had later tours and had they arranged people by time of tour instead of letting people randomly line up we would have made it. Still we had a very nice time checking out the lady in green as well as Ellis Island. I tried to find my grandfather’s name but I think you have to pay something and we didn’t get to go to the special museum because it was closed. It’s interesting how someone’s garbage or small memento can be another person’s link to the past. We found the exibits facinating. None so as much as the section where you actually follow the path of the immigrants. From the registration room, you go into various screening rooms which are only slightly renovated and still bear the wear and tear of the many people who passed through. the Pumpkin makes taking in the details difficult but much of the space is wide open and really fun for her to explore. I needed to change her so we headed to a bathroom that looked eerily original and didn’t have a changing table. Luckily we found a semi-private bench. I tried to imagine what it would have been like to come to American with a young child and, like Katrina, I can only be extra thankful I have a comfortable and blessed life relatively free of disaster and tribulation.

Obviously Kelvin and Shawnda and gluttons for punishment because they let us tag along for a trip to the zoo on Sunday. We tried to get an early start but were a little late. Fortunately they went on ahead in without us. We met them by Tiger Mountian. Fortunately the Pumpkin is so small that she got an up-front spot to see the Tiger Enrichment demonstration. Thank God for the leash because I couldn’t have held her. She stood still and watched everything very nicely. Then it was off to various animals. Some she knows, like bear and bat and turtle and fish and others are new. She got so excited everytime she saw an animal and especially the ones she knows from the Prospect Park zoo or from the Baby Einstein DVDs. She was endless energy. Too bad I was giving my docs another run and ended up with sore feet. They are officially retired after this weekend. I will miss them. We’ve been through a whole lot together. Anyway, we had a wonderful time. Shawnda was very patient with the Pumpkin since the Pumpkin really took to her and wanted to be picked up all the time. We decided to make a quick pit stop to get her a new lovey. Not like we always get her something from we wanted to have a zoo animal to go with the aquarium animal. We let the Pumpkin pick it out and she choose a Red Panda. Not only did the panda get lots of hugs she even kissed his nose. After a little more walking around we headed home. We wondered what would happen when panda met cow but the Pumpkin has no problem lugging them both around and now has two favorite lovies. We did some kick arse food shopping and then settled in for the night.

Yesterday we had a home day because we were tired and, to be honest, have really stretched the budget. I had planned to do laundry but the place was closed so we took the Pumpkin to the park. She shared her BMW nicely with another little girl and spent a hour running around. Frank made a wonderful dinner and we all watched “The Princess Bride” which was fine until Wesley and Buttercup get attacked by the R.O.U.S. At first the Pumpkin giggled, because she likes rats. Then when the rat attacked them, she started yelling no no no no and then she started to flip out and cry. Frank fast-forwarded to the next scene very quickly and now we know to skip that in the future. Speaking of rat, my sister was a IKEA this weekend and has picked up a replacement rat. We’ll see it we can’t keep this one for more than 1 week.

Back to work today. Nice and quiet. I am making progress on all my projects. I am glad there’re only a few more hours of the day left.


Aug 31, 2005

I can’t believe I forgot to mention this but we have a new addition to the family. Spook is a beta. He is white with blue highlights with the ends looking like they got dipped in red. He’s rather small and probably on the young side which is good.

So far he is very perky and we’ve put him in the bubble pod my sister lent us. I see a lot of bubbles in his tank so I assume he’s happy. We decorated the tank with a little tiki god and a small red plant. Spook is already a well-traveled fish because we walked from 85th to 45th and then took him on the subway. I’ll get a picture soon.

I am a little disturbed to hear about the local tornado warning. All those shows about the end of the world that I try not to watch on the Discovery Channel because they bother me are suddenly coming to life. I saw “The Day After Tomorrow” and I am a little freaked out. Hopefully the weather will pass without incedent.


Aug 30, 2005

A busy weekend. Friday was the last bowling. I did fairly crappy but I think it’s because I was rushing to be done in time to get the Pumpkin early. I still have this Friday afternoon off as well so we’ll try to make a visit to Daddy’s work or perhaps lunch with my friend Nina.

Saturday began well with getting all the chores done and opening up our weekend for fun things. Then we packed the pumpkin up for a trip to Queens for my friend Danielle’s birthday BBQ. None of the trains were working right so we had the trip from hell plagued with transfers up the wazoo. I wonder, does the MTA do this on purpose to spite me, right after I defend it’s over-bloated, buerocratic arse to a transit-hating friend? Hmmm… I had thought the worst part was going to be the transfer to a bus at Main Street but surprisingly, we were able to not only get a bus in a timely fashion but also make a quick pit-stop to Payless to get the Pumpkin the cutest fall shoes, 100% leather, for less than $25. The worst part was when her stroller got wedged between the gap. Thankfully, I wasn’t moving from between the doors and someone helped us get her free. That’s the scariest thing ever. Of course the trains won’t move with a door open so we weren’t going anywhere. The conductor scolded us for having her in the stroller but I’m not going to let her out so that she can roam around the train which is like being in a car without a seatbelt. Until they install baby seats, she stays in the stroller. The BBQ was nice. the Pumpkin was supercharged and ran around for the entire time we were there. Unfortunately she had a little spill in the driveway and got a nasty bump but Danielle’s cousin had some first aid and assured us she would be ok. Worst part was the ice pack – the Pumpkin would have rather just skipped that. No sooner did we put her down and she was laughing and running around again. I decided to use the leash, if for nothing else than to be able to catch her before she hit full force again. Frank was a good sport because by the time the night was over, he was in horrible pain due to a toothache.

Sunday we headed to the Museum of Natural History. the Pumpkin has learned to say turtle so everything she saw, including animals she knows are not, are turtles since she likes to say the word. We walked through the park afterwards which was nice. Frank was ok until the afternoon again but still in a lot of pain.

Monday, he took the day off to see the dentist who came to the rescue – Go Dr. Christal! I had a horrible dream about my mother and since I didn’t know if he’d need assistance based on what shape he’d be in after the appointment, I decided to take a day as well. Turns out, Dr. Christal was able to help him a bit and after a nice calm lunch, courtesey of a nice the Pumpkin nap, we headed back into the park for rowing. the Pumpkin had a blast looking for turtles. She also likes to row although it’s hard for her. We made-believe along with Daddy which seemed to keep her from getting fussy. Now if you say row, she mimics the motion. From the park we walked down to Rockafeller Plaza (35 blocks) since it was a great day for a long walk. We made a slight pit-stop at Frank’s favorite model car store. I let the Pumpkin out to walk around and look at all the cars and turned my back for two seconds and wouldn’t you know it, she headed straight for the Ferrari go-cart ($1,000) and had sat her little toosh down in the driver’s seat and was “steering”. Mommy and Daddy wish we could afford it because it was really cute but alas.

All the walking around has left us tired but happy. This week should be very quiet which is ok. We’re sticking close to home next weekend, more or less. I’m hoping that with the holiday weekend, the MTA will be more cooperative for any adventure’s we decide to have.

I’ve been following Katrina a bit and am just horrified. Frank has been to NOLA and we both planned on going in the near future. We thought of the graves above ground and wonder if the corpses are floating around? And all the distruction, all that history and architecture and the people’s homes. It must be like something from an apocolyptic movie. I can’t even imagine and the pictures are disturbing. Although if you have your life, that is something. We’re praying for friends and their families, that they are safe and alive. I worry if something happens here being that we are close to water. Perhaps I will complain less about living six floors up.


Aug 26, 2005

I would have chosen dork but nerd is fine with me.

Nerd…. hmmm… brings me back. The demographics of my middle school were as follows, eight or nine really popular kids, four bonafide nerds, one pastor’s son who ignored us all, one dork who everyone made fun of due to his perpetual lying about being the Queens of England’s nephew, and two leftovers with no where to fit into, of which I was one of the two. The other leftover was just a normal girl. I was already dressing weirdly, pre-goth/proto-goth without knowing it, and wearing a whole lotta eyeliner and hairspray (Aquanet anyone?). Until I saw music videos and SNL years later, I thought those popular kids were so witty and clever but they were just little copycats, spitting out whatever they saw. I was actually mad that I had spent so many years thinking I was inferior and dull. They were a fairly mean bunch and I would spit on almost all of them if I saw them in the street now. The cuts you get as a child always cut the deepest and stay with you.

I blame this and other times I was subject to hanging out with people I had nothing in common with, although my own fault, for my social anxiety. This is why I won’t deny the Pumpkin knowledge of pop culture but rather let her find out how stupid and pointless it is on her own. I hope she always stays true to herself as I’ve fallen short so many times myself. Of course, it’s all in the past.

Ahhh… bowling approaches.


Aug 25, 2005

Been getting to sleep at a reasonable time so I actually feel fairly decent. Work continues to annoy me. Now that I got the stylesheets to work. damn floats, I am faced with trying to think of a new look. I know what componants I want to use and the architecture as it is, is ok. It just needs a facelift. Not sure how to go about it. Anyone know any visually interesting sites, please comment because I just feel stuck. Doesn’t help that I am stuck in this stupid cubical. I feel like a nice walk outside will do me good. Maybe going through MOMA? I don’t know – anything where I can be inspired. The thing is that the site isn’t half bad now. The design is clean and appealing. It’s hard to improve something that’s already ok. But still. I made a mock up that looked like a piece of torn legal paper. Very cute but not work appropriate. A lot of what I think of is cute but not work appropriate. Story of my professional life.

The weekend approaches. We’re heading to Queens for a birthday BBQ in Flooshing. Hopefully the Pumpkin will take a nice morning nap so our trip goes smooth. We’re not going to have the benefit of a car so we need her to be a good sport on the train. Sunday is open. We have to do the normal housekeeping but maybe we’ll try to go to a zoo and take advantage of our membership.

I am loving this weather. I can wear normal clothes without sweating and yet do not need to wear a jacket. It’s a little tricky for the Pumpkin because she doesn’t have any fall clothing yet. I already know what I’m getting for her, just have to go out and get it. I’m not going to pussy foot – just go and get it over with.

I’m afraid to go out and get lunch because I’m not going to want to come back in. Frank is feeling rather blah at having to be stuck inside too. Such a shame to waste a perfect day on work when we could be having a family picnic day in the park. Being a grown-up positively sucks. Maybe we’ll spring for take-out and eat dinner in the park.

Ok – I’m going to do it. Going to go out and get some food and fresh air. Oh – hit the library too. Ok. have a plan. Wish me luck.


Aug 22, 2005 – So tired. Damn you discovery channel and your facinating wares.

There is no one else here yet. I love being the only one here. Still, strange that no one else is here and no message or email or anything. Hmmm…

Weekend was good. the Pumpkin said new words, acorn and please. Friday, I spent the afternoon with my sister and grandmother. We had a lovely lunch and then shopping. They stayed for dinner which was nice. Frank got invited out so off he went. Nice quiet and uneventful.

Saturday I woke up with a full house. In order to not disturb anyone, I took the Pumpkin out to do laundry. We enjoyed a mother daughter bagel breakfast. On the way home we ran into Thomas and his friend Angie who had crashed at our place thus making our couch useful which is why we bought a sleeper in the first place. I was glad I didn’t miss them entirely.

Once the Pumpkin naps, we all got a little more sleep. After our morning nap, I cleaned the place a little and got ready for my outting to Ami’s place for her surprise birthday. I arrived early to help her husband, Travis, set up and decorate. It’s so nice to be useful. Of course I forgot the card and present at home so it’ll be a good excuse to get together soon. Also good for Frank to make friends since he’s so shy. I had a really great time and stayed much later than I should have. It’s always good to have conversation with peers even though somehow I always end up talking about the Pumpkin. So hard not to since she’s my universe, not on purpose but just is. I thought I missed her entirely but when I got home, she was still awake and I got a few hugs in.

Sunday was supposed to be a fun family day but Frank’s friend needed some sort of car repair so Frank was stuck doing that all morning. By the time the Pumpkin took her morning nap, it was too late to do anything. That on top of Frank burning his hand on the guys radiator hose, sort of killed any fun plans we had. We did go to Target. Frank was cranky and tired due to his hand so it was the fastest Target trip ever. When we got home, we snacked and then all off to bed for another family nap.

After dinner we played with the Pumpkin and after she went to bed, we watched a facinating show about the Amazon and some very interesting catfish. It would be really cool to actually see places like the Amazon but we couldn’t have had the Pumpkin and afford to travel so nature shows are the next best thing.

Mondays are always the worst. We love family activities and having to separate really stinks although it is impractical to think we could be together all the time. Frank and I can talk on the phone so mostly we miss the Pumpkin.


Aug 18, 2005

When I go to the bathroom, I expect to gain a nice relaxed feeling of relief and clean hands. However, when faced with a less than cooperative t.p. dispenser, it becomes very annoying, very quickly. Of course I can’t tell that the dispenser is dispensing at the rate of one sheet per pull until after I sit down and take care of nature’s call. Then, I end up with a handful of little sheets which don’t exactly hold together all that well and even that takes too much effort. I don’t get it. The roll is round. The holder bar thingy is round. What’s the problem? And yet the roll does everything but. I hate public bathrooms. I hated them as a child in school and I hate them now. I’m an adult. I should not have to fight a battle with an innanimate object in order to be fresh and tidy.

Frank and I had a nice talk last night about the thwarts to our move to Queens plan. We both agree that staying in Brooklyn is far more viable than dealing with crazy car insurance and non-existant daycare. We then talked about all the nice things we like about our neighborhood and decided there are worse places to be.

Last night we stayed up and watched “Dodgeball” which was rather amusing. Tonight I have to go to sleep early. So tired. Can’t believe I have another two hour to go. I even took lunch – played poker with my workmates – and I still feel drained.


Aug 17, 2005

Is it normal to see faces in the marble paneling in my office building’s lobby? I don’t know but I could stare at the marble forever. I actually really love marble. It’s so smooth yet somehow pourous. The veins are these never ending paths, one blending into another. Ahhhh marble; hard, cold marble. However, one should not put several different colors and type in the same lobby. This is tacky. There is such a thing as too much of a good thing and multi-marble-color up-chuck is one of them. Jarring, jarring, jarring…

I miscalculated and our budget is screwed up again. I hate doing that. It’s so annoying and makes me cry when I could very well have prevented the problem by just being ever so much more vigilant when keeping my checkbook. These things never happened before that bloody ATM card. Oh – I hate it so.

I am so glad it’s Wednesday. I conquered my little pirate themed, CSS project. I would love to submit it but I didn’t exactly create original art for it. I sort of scanned in art from a book. I didn’t exactly morph it enough to call it my own. Still, I am pleased that I managed to complete the project anyway. I also finished my work flash project and am taking the rest of the day to do minor things because my brain is really fried.

I watched “Ray” last night while I was folding laundry. I thought it was fairly decent and I tend to like musician bio-pics.

I’m in a debate about what to do this weekend. My grandmother is staying through Tuesday and I’d like to see her again before she goes back. Friday is a half-day for me so I could meet up somewhere with her or head to Queens for the afternoon. Of course, that would mean I have to miss bowling. I don’t want to miss bowling but I am sort of too broke to go. Friday evening is a going away party for friends but we can’t get a sitter but possibly can bring the Pumpkin with us. Saturday I am most likely going to do a friend oriented thing. Frank seems ok with the Pumpkin-duty for the afternoon and evening. Sunday we hope to get to the Zoo but it’s pending on doing something with my grandmother who isn’t here all the time.

I’m far too tired for a Wednesday but perhaps because the movie was a little long and lately Frank has taken to sleeping on top of me, practically kicking me out of the bed. He’s boney so it’s uncomfortable and he has a habit of whacking at me if he’s having a bad dream. I’m wondering about that queen sized bed again…


Aug 15, 2005 – A busy weekend

Ok, we went to Mom’s on Friday after a successful Fresh Direct delivery. We had a lovely BBQ with the usual family group. Poor John litereally roasted over the BBQ but the food was very tasty and worth it. We ate inside. Oh, before the BBQ, Frank and I drove all over Queens looking for a kiddie pool. We ended up going to Port Washington where we got the grand-daddy of all pools. A wonderful 2 foot deep, 12′ by 7′ kidney-shaped, kiddie pool, with fish motif on the sides. We thought everyone would think we were nuts for getting such a big pool but everyone was in that pool multiple times.

the Pumpkin had a blast. She said two new words, pool and bubbles. She was so much fun this weekend, running around and having a good time in general. We brought her to Home Depot, which we thought was a very suberban thing to do. She loves Home Depot. We love Home Depot. First we had to go out and get a new toilet handle bar thingy. Then the next day we went back to get tubing for Mom’s ac so the discharge wouldn’t drip on the deck. If it weren’t for the two hours it took to get home to Brooklyn, we would have had a really nice and relaxing weekend. You’d think 1010 wins would have known the BQE was closed but noooo.

It looks fairly certian that we are going to move to Queens next fall. The big issue is the Pumpkin and the daycare/preschool situation. Obviously we have a really good deal now and I am not thrilled about taking her somewhere else. Otherwise we’re ready to go. There are so many perks to moving there. 1) Rent money goes to mom which is better than to a stranger. Helping mom out means that she’ll be able to help us out when we need to buy a house. Otherwise we’re all just paying a lot of money for nothing. 2) Being close to lend my sister a hand since she is 6 weeks to becoming a single mom with no permanent employment. 3) Two bedroom apartment with backyard for the same rent we pay now. 4) Car compliments of my grandmother who is buying a new one and is giving us her own one. Living in Queens means we can actually afford the insurance. 5) Very good elementary school system for the Pumpkin. 6) My commute is only a little longer. The 7 express to Grand Central is only 30 minutes. And my sister is close enough to get the Pumpkin in the case of any emergency.

The only cons are that College Point is not the same sort of neighborhood that I’m used to. I like where we are. The restaurants and just walking around. Of course we can’t afford half of what’s around anyway. We’re more likely to stay at home and BBQ instead of getting out and going to a museum or park. But with a backyard there really isn’t that feeling of claustrophibia that we get at home. the Pumpkin will certianly benefit from the increased room and lots of outside play. It’s a dead-end road so it’s inifinitely more quiet and with no BQE, much cleaner. I think we will all benefit from the better air quality. Oh, and my mom has a piano which will stay. Mom no longer has to pay for a mortgage when she isn’t there anyway. My sister will have someone around to babysit when she works crazy night hours at the French Institute. the Pumpkin will have her own room. And we can take care of the place. Mom is more likely to go and have an adventure with John and her house suffers. Frank and I will be around to paint and garden and up-keep. And it’s easier for our Long Island friends to get to. I think we’ll have more family visits. Of course with a car, it’ll be easier for us to go places too.

I’m not entirely sure about the suburban life. I like living in the city. But I knew the day would come and this way we can help mom and my sister out too. Every day that the Pumpkin gets bigger our place gets smaller. She deserves a safe place to run around. And it’s not like we’re moving to another planet. Besides, we don’t want to get too comfortable because we want to move to Mass anyway. Frank is beyond ready to get out of Brooklyn.


Aug 11, 2005 – I’m missing out.

My grandmother’s surprise visit went very well. Mom, whose birthday it was yesterday, had no idea my grandmother had come up to surprise her. We had a nice lunch together and then Omi (the kraut version of grandma) and my sister came with me to the Pumpkin’s doctor’s appointment. We got to Union Square really early so we shopped around a bit. Filene’s Basement had some adorable fall clothing but as discounty as it is, it’s still too much for our budget. I really like The Children’s Place, Old Navy and Target which are all in our price-range. I had thought all the cleaning I did was in vain, but alas, Omi will stop by on Friday and see the new apartment arrangement. We’ll see what she says. I always look for her opinion since she is like the style and organization guru in my family.

Today she and my sister are going to IKEA. My sister sent me a picture of the meatballs she’s eating for lunch because that’s just the kind of person she is. I’ll forgiver her, this time, because she is picking us up some more rats and Boomerang wooden hangers. I wish I was with them right now. Mom will get her present this weekend. We wanted everyone to be together since it’s a group thing.

Back on a strict budget again, I have returned to bringing lunch from home. I found out, that if I put my sandwich in the microwave to melt the cheese, it somehow tastes better. Is there scientific reasoning behind melted cheese tasting better? Hmmm… Ponderous.

Tomorrow is a short day. Might not get to update so I’ll note the plans now. Tomorrow I go bowling with my work buddies again! Christine and Omi and stopping by after her dentist appointment and coming with us. Then they’ll get the car and join us in Brooklyn for the Fresh Direct delivery wait. Then we’ll head to Queens where we’re staying for the weekend. That means free laundry!! There’ll also be a BBQ to celebrate Mom’s big 50 birthday so it’ll be lots of fun.

I’m off now to drop off my perscriptions.


Aug 8, 2005 –

Another busy day. Friday… went home and organized the baby gear for my sister to take home. Saturday, we cleaned and then took the Pumpkin to Prospect Park zoo. Yesterday we went out to Frank’s sister’s house for a BBQ.

Unfortunately we lost Mr. Rat on the LIRR 😦 Hopefully we’ll make a trip to IKEA soon and get a replacement rat. This is why we never take cow out of the house because if we ever lost him, we’d be so screwed. So far, the Pumpkin hasn’t noticed Mr. Rat is missing. We’re horrible parents. I’m bringing a separate toy bag from now on instead of trying to fit everything in that one diaper bag.


Aug 2, 2005 – A memorial for our dearly departed one.

Last night when Frank went to feed Yoshi, he didn’t swim to the top of the tank as he does every feeding time. Sure enough, when he looked in the tank, Yoshi was laying on the bottom. He was fine in the morning so this happened very quick which is a blessing for any living creature. We’re sad but Frank bought Yoshi for me in 2002 which means he was at least three years old which is pretty good for a beta fish. We buried Yoshi under our ficus (apartment living being what it is) which has been renamed “The Yoshi Memorial Ficus” and there is a little plaque with his name and estimated life span and the quote, “Best Fish Ever,” because he was. I’ll miss him because he was so cool and followed your finger and jumped out of the water when you fed him and of all the animals, had a lot of personality for a fish, and he cost the least and was the easiest to take care of.

There are no plans to get another fish and instead we’re probably going to buy several bamboo plants since those we don’t seem to kill and they don’t get annoying spider mites, which I’m still fighting on the rose. The rose is a trooper as long as I’m vigilant about spraying with water everyday.

the Pumpkin has spoken some new words. Sounds like “table” and “book.” She also made the sign for puzzle. Horray for Baby Einstein and Baby Wordsworth!


Aug 1, 2005

I have more work to do. Now that the site is live, I have clean up to do.

I went bowling on Friday, had a blast. First game got a 45 but also a strike so there you go. Second game, 81, better. By next game I think all will be well. There is talk of another bowling outing this Friday which I’m all down for.

Saturday Frank was feeling crappy so I took the Pumpkin to the block party by John’s. Aside from the stupid kids running her over on their bikes (grrrr) it was very enjoyable. Perhaps the Pumpkin isn’t the only kid that should be on a leash. They had a animal show with all sorts of creatures. the Pumpkin got to pet a monitor lizard. She seems pretty brave about these things as long as mommy does it first. So much more but not enough time to write about it.

Sunday was supposed to be Crab Shanty in City Island outting but since Frank bailed on the block party and we didn’t stay in Queens overnight, we lost our Queens to the Bronx transportation. Relying on others sucks but having a car in Brooklyn sucks more. Anyway we decided to go to the Aquarium. Seeing as we go to these places all the time, we decided to become members and now we never have to wait on line ever again and we get to bring a guest and as many kids as we want for a whole year. the Pumpkin loved all the fish. The jellyfish scared her a little bit but it could have been the dark room and the crowds as well. Now that we can go for free, we’ll be back as much as we can.

On the way home we stopped at Target. We got her “Baby Wordsworth” and after only watching it once, she already said two new words, “cup” and “chair”. Frank and I are overjoyed. We know she knows these words so if we can help her get them out, we’ll do anything.


July 29, 2005

I feel crappy. Took a day quil and hope it starts to work. Frank wanted to stay home for a family day but since I had to come in because today is the final day of testing before my new design goes out into the world, I figured I couldn’t miss it. He can’t exactly take days off either. Plus, after work is bowling and I really want to do that. Hopefully the dayquil will allow me to have a decent time. Skipping breakfast probably didn’t help either because when I got here, I already felt horrible. I’m having a nice muffin and grapefruit juice so hopefully I’ll feel better soon. So hard to work when my mind feels foggy. I just can’t concentrate and I need to.

I’m thinking about entering zansite for a personal site webby award. Please click around and let me know how I can improve it. Thanks ahead of time for your imput.

That’s it. To tired to write anything else.


July 28, 2005 – Nicole Kidman is tall

I got home early afternoon and cleaned the place. Was going to relax but the Pumpkin woke up from her afternoon nap kind of early so I went to get her so she could enjoy the blasting a/c we have in our apartment too.

The lighting guys set up the lights around 5-ish and were in an out. I have never met a bunch of more professional and polite guys in my life. They all said hi to the Pumpkin and even stopped to pet the kitties, kitty permitting. After waiting a while, Frank decided he wanted ice cream so we found our contact and asked if we could go to the store for a little while and he said yup as long as we give him our key, which we did. As Frank was handing over the key, who should come around my courtyard’s corner, but Nicole Kidman herself, surrounded by about 5 people. My first impression was that she is extremely tall. Taller than Frank and thin, almost lanky. No curves to speak of, which also could have been the dress. She was wearing a sort of pink, vintage dress, appropriate of the time frame of the movie. Ms. Kidman kept her eyes forward at all times and seemed a little aloof. But this could be because she was on her way to the shoot and needed to concentrate. I think people forget that this is a job to them. I wouldn’t want someone yapping to me while I work either. She is attractive but not exceptional. She does have immaculate skin which could be make-up but doesn’t seem to be.

By the time we got back they were gathering all their things. I gather that the shot must have gone well since it was over and done with in less that 30 minutes. Must be nice to work with a professional who can deliver a performance so quickly. It would have been nice to meet her had she hung around after the shoot but I bet it was way too hot to entertain people and she probably just wanted to rest.

Today I did a little research on the person the movie is based. Diane Arbus was a photographer in the 60s who specialized in photos of freaks, not the gothy kind, but the sideshow variety and insane asylum immates and what-not. She began as a fashion photograher but changed because she found freaky people to be better subject matter. She committed suicide by OD. Strange person really, especially for that time, and her photography is sort of disturbing. Of course, who and what is really strange these days. I look forward to the movie actually. It’ll be fun to try to spot our building.


July 26, 2005 – The work thorn strikes again…

So irritating. I go to open my flash in order to create a nice web version of the fabulous snazzy thing I made for the lobby and wham! access denied because someone else is using a flash registered with my number. How can this be? There was one number for each person on the webteam and really I am the only on who uses flash so who is the mystery person.

Surprise, surprise… it is my “favorite” graphic branding nazi co-worker. Grrrrr…. so annoyed. First of all, he is a print guy. What the ever-living-crap is he doing working in flash without keeping me in the loop, for consistancies sake? Flash is clearly my domain anyway. And if he’s not working on a work project then he has no right taking up my number during work hours. I mean I do personal things, obviously, at work too, but I do not prohibit others from doing their work to do so. I am more than a little annoyed. I sent an email asking him to get off so I can work, five minutes ago, and still no response. I hate, hate, hate being treated like a second rate designer person just because I didn’t go to night school and I’ve taken professional courses instead. So annoying and aggrevating.

Meanwhile, the site is in a little standstill because we’re switching the new design, which is minor enough to avoid having had to ask anyone for their 2-cents, and to a new server. Updated in small pieces, I have an idea that this site will finally look like something I created rather than too-many-cooks-in-the-kitchen crappola in the end. If it wasn’t for the benefits and flex time, I would so be out of here but it does allow me to be there more for the Pumpkin – sigh.

So I have plenty of time to work on a new, interactive flash for the website, making good use of my time. But noooooo – because someone – grr grr grr grr – has to be greedy and selfish with MY NUMBER – grr grr grr grr – I can’t get my work done – grr grr grr grr.

In order not to go postal, I am thinking happy thoughs about successful space shuttle launches, new photo wall art that Frank helped me with last night, and the awesome steak we made together for dinner. I doubt this will be the last post today…


July 25, 2005 – Long Island public transportation sucks.

We had a really great weekend. Friday, I got home early and cleaned the apartment then went to Mom’s to partake of the free laundry services (8 loads). Ran Target errands with the luxury of car transportation. While I was waiting for laundry and the Pumpkin and Frank were napping, I tackled my mom’s front yard which was quite overgrown. She has several flowerboxes and stones. The boxes with rose bushes in them, look really nice. The other two, with assorted wildflowers do not. I explained to my mom that something confining, such as a flowerbox, need a flower that lends itself to looking good while being in a box. Wildflowers are for spreading around, which they did, and in the box, looks messy. Anyway, two hours of weeding later, things look a lot better. Her neighbor smiled at me and said thank you. To be honest, mom just isn’t home enough to keep up with the extremely fertile College Point soil.

We got home late Saturday and were supposed to take it easy on Sunday but instead we decided to trek to Adventureland. I’ve added both pictures and mpgs to the site. Anyway, all would have been ok had the bus been running, which is wasn’t. So it was a mile-long walk from the LIRR. Would have been quite lovely had the sun not been so brutal and my boots uncomfy. I’m still trying to ignore the fact that my feet have changed since having the Pumpkin and no matter what I do, my size 4 docs are just not going to magically start fitting again. I might have to bid my docs adeui. (sniff)

We’re taking it easy for the rest of the week. We have the movie people from the “Fur” production coming to use our fire escape on Wednesday. I am taking the afternoon off to get ready for them. So exciting. Maybe I’ll get to meet either Nicole Kidman or Robert Downey Jr. In anycase we get our building in a movie and we get a stipend for being cooperative. Should be fun!


July 19, 2005

I spent the better part of my morning being rather productive by writing a review of my short, yet very enjoyable career as a runway mooo-dle. Work is still in a stand-still due to things beyond my control. I also brought some more recipes to type in so just in case things continue at their lava-movement-esk pace, I can look busy.

Stupid Cingular gave FedEx my home address when Frank clearly gave them my work address, several times, to deliver my new phone to. My apt office is only open while I’m at work so they said they’d leave it with security. If anything happens to this phone, I am not paying for it since I emphatically told them to send it to my work. Perhaps after the flower-pot got blown up they are afraid to deliver it here? I pay them… they are my bitch, damn it. If I want my phone on the moon, they should be able to accomodate me. When I become goddess of the universe, FedEx will be the first to get exiled to an unplesant planet, followed by the Cingular shipping department.

Mistress McCutchen dropped off some comics for me to review for Morbid Outlook and already I am laughing my arse off. I’ve been missing out by reading all these stuffy novels written by people who are long dead. I must supplement my choices henceforth with snappy gothy comic humor.

I have no idea why but I am burning to do laundry. It’s a big pile. I’m going to leave the Pumpkin at daycare and spend Friday afternoon getting it done so I can relax this weekend. It’s pretty much all I can think about; the pile, the sorting, dragging it down the block, stuffing the machines, drying, folding… hmmm… freshness. I simply cannot make any other weekend plans until I get it done.

the Pumpkin did another cute thing this morning. She watches Sesame Street while I get ready. She was becoming restless in the corral and can entertain herself now so I put on S.S. while I get ready for work. She already laughs when the count comes on but this morning, when Cookie Monster was introducing the letter of the day, the letter “G”, the Pumpkin mimed stuffing things into her mouth. So now we say count and she goes “ah ah ah” and Cookie Monster and she “stuffs” her mouth. It’s so much fun! I check on her between make-up application and dressing. This morning we looked for “baps” and cows (“moos”) since they were on the TV. Oh, and she sings with Elmo’s theme song when his segment comes on. Actually she sings a lot. Only two hours, 45 minutes until I get to see her…


July 18, 2005 – Ouch – I’m fried.

What a weekend! Friday, after work, I bolted to the hairdresser. He was busy so I had to go to an alternative. She did an ok job, everything being very neat and tidy. Then I rushed to get the pumpkin. We hung out for a little while which was nice. I was hoping to dye my hair during naptime but she never went down. She helped me get myself together for the Asthetik fashion show in Trenton by putting shoes in my bag and running around with my make-up bag. Then we made dinner for the two of us. Once Frank came home I got to take a shower. Then I shoved all my crap into the car and was off.

Brooklyn was enjoying some nice sunny weather. A quarter of the way over the Verrazanno bridge, I became enveloped in fog. Strangest thing really. I couldn’t see more than 20 feet in front of me. Staten Island was very foggy and completely different from Brooklyn which was just weird to experience. Once I got over the Gothels, thinks were all sunny and nice again. Apparently, S.I. has it’s own weather system.

My journey down the turnpike to Trenton went very smooth. I got on the smaller local road and figured I would stop for a little snack. The sign for Wendy’s was a tease. I did see a sign for Trenton and decided to take that instead of backtracking. Things were fine until I couldn’t see any more signs. I used the force until I tripped over a familiar road. Not sure, I pulled into a Wendy’s, of all places, to get pointed in the right direction. Not even 10 minutes later, I was pulling into the club parking lot.

The club was very nice. While we got ready, the DJ was playing this kick arse set. But I didn’t want to stray from the group. I got to wear this entirely tied up outfit. The skirt was a red chinese brocade hobble. Very pretty. I wasn’t nervous until we lined up. Reviewing the video, I probably could have been more creative and definitely could’ve smiled more but at least I didn’t fall off the stage. I stayed for a little while to dance. Thankfully, I had some passengers on the way back to the city so I didn’t have to worry about dozing. The trip back was rather uneventful being that I found the right roads. We made a pee-break at this God-awful gas station just before the Holland Tunnel. Gross doesn’t even begin to cover it but we all had a good laugh.

I got home at 4:30 ish. Frank was feeling crappy in the morning so I was up at 7:30. Talk about day of the living dead. Fortunately I had Mountian Dew. I went back to sleep with the Pumpkin during her morning nap. The extra sleep helped. After fighting with the car seat, the Pumpkin and I were able to get on our way at around 1:30. I decided to take the Holland over which worked out well. I made it to the Turnpike without any trouble. After the previous night, I was very skeptical of Jersey roadsigns. We stopped for lunch at a rest-area. the Pumpkin sat in a chair and ate her lunch very nicely. Everything was going well until I got off for Route 35. We did need to go on 35 but not for quite a while, but I didn’t want to take any chances. Turned out to be a local road. A hour and a half later, I finally got to the beach house.

Today has been painfully boring so far. Still waiting and waiting and waiting for others to finish their parts so I can get working. Such stagnation drives me nuts but I don’t want to have to do things twice.

After taking the local road for an eternity, we finally go to the lovely Seaside Heights area. Mom talked me into the area and her and John were jumping up and down to welcome us to the beach house. The neighborhood was super-cute. One little bungalow after another. Everything incredible neat and organized, just like I like it. As I entered our little place, I came into a room with cathedral ceilings. The open plan was L-shaped and included a sitting area and a kitchen. The bathroom also had high ceilings and was very decently sized. The two bedrooms were smallish but for a week at the shore, it was perfect for a family of four. the Pumpkin and I took the smaller room since I only needed it for one night. It was just wide enough for her playpen/crib and a twin day-bed. But it worked for us. After settling in, we headed to the boardwalk. Interesting. Very much like Coney Island. Lots of interesting people and local color. I could have done without the music which was all clubby/R&B and not my bag. The amusement ride section had very little for the Pumpkin, which was sad because she got so excited having remembered Adventureland. There was one she could go on so it wasn’t that bad. I got her her first “tattoo”. Happily it latested until we got home so daddy could see it. Strangely, she seemed most facinated with the “shoot bin laden” paintball arcane. I didn’t get it and was sort of disturbed that she was attracted to something like that until I noticed the glow-in-the dark stars and put two and two together. the Pumpkin started to get cranky so we headed home after a quick supermarket stop. There is something significantly wrong with $4.50 for a small half-watermelon.

Sunday we woke up normal time. I made a small breakfast for the two of us and we played until Mom and John woke up. John made wonderful blueberry pancakes. the Pumpkin didn’t like the blueberries, just like daddy, so I picked them out so she could eat the pancakes too. After breakfast, we walked to the yacht club. They had a little beach partitioned off which the Pumpkin splashed around in. She would have liked to stay longer but we had to head back for naptime. After a group nap, John’s son John and his wife Coleen arrived. We chatted for a while and then got ready to hit the beach. the Pumpkin had an absolute blast playing in the sand and collecting mussle shells in her bucket. The water was a little rough so we couldn’t do too much swimming. I really missed Frank because it’s nice to have another person to handle her and I felt bad bothering Mom all the time. With all this outside activity, the Pumpkin is really getting a lot of color – not no burning. I got color too but I missed my back and am now sporting a horrible burn. Could be worse, it could cover my entire body which it doesn’t. She did get some surf time and is really working on her “swimming” stroke.

We headed back early to make lunch. I didn’t want to bring the sand in, so I immeadiately headed into the bathroom with her. More trickyness trying to get the both of us cleaned up. So we took a shower together. After she saw Mommy go under the water, she did it too so it was really easy to rinse her off. She really gets more awesome everyday. I made us little coldcuts and yogurt for lunch. Coleen came back so we had a little company. By the time it was afternoon naptime, they all headed out to the store and I took another wonderful nap with the Pumpkin so I would be well rested for the trip home.

I slept until they got back and helped with dinner prep, somewhat. BBQ is so nice and easy. the Pumpkin slept for a long time so we missed out on another trip to the water. Just as well though, I was still tired from Friday. After the BBQ we packed up the car and said our goodbyes. I would have liked to stay longer but I really miss Frank when we’re separated and I know the Pumpkin really feels like something is missing too. The trip home was almost uneventful. The sign to the parkway was covered by a tree so of course I didn’t see it until it was too late. I had to make the stupidest detour because left-turns were not allowed. Grrrrr… I have had my complete fill of New Jersey driving. Once on, it was smooth sailing until the Staten Island expressway which was a parking lot. I even pulled over on the shoulder to give the Pumpkin a snack and drink and I hardly lost any distance at all. Thankfully, we missed most of the rain because I really have a hard time driving at night in the rain. I get something like hypnosis. I’m actually better when I’m slightly distracted which gives my sight some time to adjust and re-focus. Not to worry though, after 8 hours of driving over three days, I am once again comfortable driving.

I was so happy to get back into Brooklyn. I found a good parking spot and Frank came down to help me with the Pumpkin. She was so happy to see him. Since she had slept so much, we let her stay up for a little but while I unpacked everything. It feels good to be back. I think next weekend I might take a break from travel and activity and just hang around home. I have eight tons of laundry to do.


July 14, 2005 – I can’t even begin to catch up… so why bother really.

Everything is ok. I am working very hard at work and trying to keep home tidy. No rest for me and no updating.

Tuesday we had a little emergency with Baxter. He needed a fang extraction which sucked because one, he’s rather uncomfortable now and two, it cost 750$. Thank God the place takes kitty care credit so we’ll be able to spread the bill over a few months. I had to take the day off because he needed to be picked up in the afternoon so I went shopping with my sister. Everything is on sale in Manhattan so I treated myself to a few things. I always feel so guilty but I got two work-appropriate, yet unique, items which isn’t that frivolous.

Yesterday, I had a hellish time trying to catch up with the work I missed on Tuesday. To make matters more stressful, I had a dentist appointment during lunch. I love my dentist. He’s so good at not causing me pain. The cavity is my fault anyway. Since I’m teaching the Pumpkin to brush her teeth, which she is getting the hang of, I can take a little extra time with the choppers now. Anyway, while I was walking to the office, I saw the cutest espadrilles ever!!! I didn’t want to ask where the chicky got them from but should have. When looking online I found them but they cost 39.99 pounds and with shipping are going to come to about $100 USD which is way out of my budget. As I fell asleep last night, I figured out that I can probably take a regular pair and minic these myself, saving at least $75 in the process. It’s worth a try.

I have recently tried some new products so I feel compelled to review and spread the goodness. For my fellow pale peeps, Physicians Formula has a new face powder with spf20 in it. I tried it today, a little leary of the dark color of the powder but pleasantly surprised when it didn’t add too much color to my face. Definitely worth the extra protection. I also got this Neutrogena instant nail conditioner which is super easy to apply and dries instantly and leaves my nails looking very tidy and slightly shiney. It’s a lifesaver since I really do want to have nice fingernails but cannot polish with the constant washing and no time to sit still for drying. It’s supposed to be extra moisturizing and fortifying so I look forward to less breakage as well.

Our weekend plans are a little screwed up but thankfully I still get to do the fashion show. I just have to figure out what to do with my hair. I’m not staying overnight which will save us a bit. Anyway, I really need this outting because I can’t remember the last time I got dressed up and this is something special. On Saturday I’m meeting my Mom and John at a beach-house they rented in Jersey so it’s more driving and back to Jersey. Frank has to stay home to take care of Baxter so it’ll just be me and the Pumpkin. Should be an adventure.


July 11, 2005

Things are still insane at work so very little writing. I had a nice weekend, more or less on my own since Frank was laid up with what I had last week. Unfortunately we got into a fight. Fortunately, we resolved the issue so all is good. Frank is very cranky from quitting smoking so I need to be a little less sensitive to his “tone.” Wish all problems in life were this easy to figure out.

I took the Pumpkin to the Brooklyn Botanical garden for some exercise. She loved it and got to really stretch her legs and smell everything. We had a little incident by a stream she wanted to play in but otherwise we had a very nice time with Mom and John. I got to see the wonderful pictures from their recent trip to Europe since they stayed over for dinner. Mom bathed the Pumpkin so I got to clean up in peace. I even managed to get in a run during morning laundry.

Back to work. So busy. But it’s a good thing. I got my eyebrows done during lunch today. She plucked me within an inch of death seeing that she had to clean up more than normal. Why do they never believe you when you request very thin eye brows? I just have to dye my hair and get it cut and I’m all ready for Friday night’s fashion show. So far our agenda is that we will stay overnight in Trenton at the only hotel in existance there which happens to be a very posh Marriott. Frank wants to come along but if we can’t get a sitter than he has to watch the Pumpkin. Then we’re going to get up early and head to Great Adventure for the day and then to the beach house for the night and all day Sunday. Should be a good weekend.

Now I have to fight with my cheese bagel sandwich.


July 6, 2005 – Greetings from the living dead & Frei Deutsch fur Alles!

I am night of the living dead so a very short entry I will make.

The weekend was awesome. We hung around Mom’s house doing laundry since they weren’t there on Saturday. Sunday we took the pumpkin to Adventureland, a small amusement park on Long Island. It was awesome. She loved all the little kiddie rides especially the cars. I had to get used to putting her on the ride only to have to walk away where I couldn’t touch her. Seeing as everyone else did the same thing, it got better the more we did it. She fussed a little after the first ride but then figured out that more was in store and got very happy. She also liked the rocking fish, ferris wheel and anything involving driving something. I wish we have brought the video camera because the entire thing was really priceless. Monday we have a very last minute and improptu haus party. We just called people up and they came over. Thank God we had good fireworks this year. It was nice to have people over since on a weeknight we are really stuck at home because of the pumpkin’s schedule.

Yesterday I woke up feeling like death. I made it to my dental appointment. I went home, crashed, and then got the Pumpkin and we went to her doctor’s appointment. Frank picked up my sister and mom and John at the airport and my sister stayed over last night which helped since I still feel crappy. Just need to make it through today.

As I sit here, freezing to death despite a sweater, and bored because all my projects are pending on other people getting their acts together, I did some surfing as to look busy. I came across BBC.com and discovered a very cute flash tutorial for German. Although I feel as I might die at any moment, from either malady or boredom, at least I know my German is improving. Who-hoo!

I had this thought about over zealous corporate air-conditioning and wondered that if they lowered it just a tad, how much they would save in energy bills and consumption. If they would just throw out the corporate wardrobe for which this obsene amount of AC is catering to, it would be a whole lot better for everyone. As it is, you have to get changed because you can’t wear the clothes outside that you need to wear inside.


June 29, 2005 – The wonders of peanut butter

I forgot to mention this but Frank and I were recently putting together our new ALVE computer armoir and needed to mark the door pieces to know where to align the magnetic closures and not having any carpenters putty or whatever, I decided to use peanut butter and voila!!! Not only did it leave a decent mark on both sides, letting us line things up perfectly, it came right off with a little soapy water.

Then, further along, we need to know where to cut a whole in the back for the wall outlet so, once again, peanut butter to the rescue. It left a perfect impression on the back of the armoir and again, we were able to cut a perfectly aligned and very small hole for the outlet.

I actually got the idea from watching HGTV’s Weekend Warriors but they used jam instead. Jam seemed too liquidy so I opted for PB. You really don’t need a lot since a little bit goes a long way.


June 28, 2005 –

Somethings deeply disturb me. Probably due to my “unique” childhood during which I had to surrender control of my situation on a regular basis, I now, as an adult, find it incredibly hard to hand over the reigns. This usually manifests itself in home organization and budgeting which is not an entirely bad thing. Sometimes I do not compromise with Frank on how things should be done but I’ve gotten better more-or-less.

So, more than typical horror type subjects, the thing that disturbs me most is the loss of control. I can’t even stomach watching other people go through it. So movies like Requium for a Dream, Summer of Sam, really bother me. I just saw the trailer for Party Monster and the craziness of it, the out of controlness of it just disturbs me. Of course, like a car accident, I want to see it even though I’ll be bothered by it for weeks.

I got permission to take summer hours at work if I can come in by 8:30 and stay until 5:15. Crap since I work through lunch on a regular basis and am more than making up for my half-day Friday. I am now making sure I rest for my entitled hour. Back to making more pages in my cookbook.

I am not looking forward to getting another pediatrician for Zoe. The task is so daunting. I am happy to possibly get someone closer to us but it’s hard to find someone trustworthy. I’ll have to ask the other parents at daycare who they go to.

I’m so drained. I had to get a 3-musketeers bar. Why do they call it 3-musketeers? It’s fluffy and so good and not quite so guilty and very large compared to a snickers or milkyway. But it has nothing to do with the 17th century or muskets.


June 27, 2005 – Advice to my 16-year old self.

1. Stay away from psychotic guys in red Grand Trans Ams even if they are great in bed and excitingly rebellious because you will live to regret it for the rest of your life. Find a nice guy to be friends with who actually has something in common with you and then see what happens. Stop being afraid of never finding love.

2. Spend the money from your 16th birthday on a synth/keyboard instead of stupid crap. Get your music together and get out there because you are talented at least enough to not have people throw vegetables at you. You will live to regret not trying earlier as people become famous who you’re better than. Stop being afraid to go all the way with your dreams.

3. Go ahead. Cut your hair into a mohawk and look stranger that you already do. Why not? You’re going to work all your life. You won’t be able to have a mohawk all your life. So what if you can’t get a summer job. Volunteer. They can’t fire you if you don’t get paid. Stop being afraid to look like yourself.

4. There are plenty of jobs for people who are good in math and science besides just teaching, many of which allow for strange haircuts. Go to Queens College and get a mentor and think about a career outside the box. Stop being afraid of not having a conventional career.

5. Relax, you’re ok. You’ve survivied a lot. You’re ok just the way you are. Don’t be afraid to be alone because it’s not that bad and you always have your mother and sister no matter what and really, you’re not all that alone. That excitement you crave you can get from other things, healthy things that will benefit you.


June 26, 2005 – M.I.A.

Just a note because I’ve been trying to put things in order since this week was all about upheval. In order:

Frank pulled his shoulder out and needed two days off. Then his grandmother passed on, which is a blessing since she was really doing awful as I wrote about last week. So we had to go to Queens to get my sister’s car. Having taken the day off to get the car, we headed to IKEA and purchased a kick arse computer workstation armoir. More expensive than the one I originally wanted but it’s Zoe proof and creates even more room and makes the place look even neater. Case furniture rocks. Thursday I had to take Zoe to the doctor for her ear op follow-up. She had a fever and was feeling crappy and turns out, has another ear infection. So annoying but not as bad as before the tubes. We spent the rest of the afternoon just hanging out because she was feeling bad. Friday I took off so I could get things done because we had to head to Long Island for the wake right after Frank got home. Everything was going well until we got stuck in traffic. Still made it out in time. Saturday we finished up with the funeral proceedings and headed to his aunts house for food and swimming. We got home last night at 11.

Everything back to normal today.


June 20, 2005 –

I finally got my store on Cafepress finished. Just a few things to start with but I hope to add more things if people actually by the stuff. Mostly, I just wanted to make things for us that I fail to find anywhere else. They seriously need to add black t-shirts. Otherwise it rocks. Very easy to set up. I am impressed with how cool the website is. I think every parent will want the “toxic waste diaper bag” in bright yellow. I know we have a way cool orange one but it doesn’t compare with the toxic waste one. We’ll see. I also made some cute onsies and a “mama goth” tank top with a big fat fluer. Time to order…

Saturday we borrowed my sister’s car and went out to the island to visit Frank’s grandmother. She is suffering from advanced emphazema. It’s extremely scary. A woman, who was more or less herself in February, is now little more than a breathing skeleton. All her energy goes to breathing. She cannot eat because she doesn’t have the strength. The worst thing, is that she is mentally sound. As far as we know, she hasn’t suffered a stroke or anything like that. We put on a brave face and smiled and said hello because they assured us she can still hear. She is trapped inside a dying body and we hope that mercifully, she won’t have to fight much longer. Seeing this makes me really hope that Frank can quit smoking soon. We’re buying the patch this week and hopefully this time he’ll be able to follow through. I can’t believe how anyone could smoke if they saw what we did since it is more likely than not that a smoker will succumb to this sort of thing. Really, it was nothing short of horrific. On the up side, seeing Zoe running around the place really brightened some of the resident’s days at the nursing home. They just loved her and it was nice to bring a smile to their faces since it seems like no matter how nice of a place, it is still depressing.

We had some down time at the Houlihan’s where his cousin works which was a nice transition from the nursing home. Zoe behaved very nicely and ate a whole lot of grilled cheese. I had a wonderful salad and am starting on my new salad for lunch daily diet. It’s goodbye crap for me. Seeing as a moderately reduced dessert load isn’t working, it’s time to get hardcore!

After lunch, we headed to Frank’s sister’s house where we freshened up for the party and let Zoe run around with the boys. Zoe loves her cousins and just makes herself at home whenever we visit. We got ready and headed to the sweet sixteen party for Frank’s dad’s cousin’s daughter.

Overall, it was a very nice party with DJ and buffet whatnot. Zoe heard the music and saw the balloons and just ran around like crazy. Once the girls started to dance, Zoe would watch them and try to copy their moves. It was so super cute. She also saw a little boy about her age and started to chase him around. He totally freaked out and ran in the other direction. It’s so hard for her because she is used to more outgoing kids from daycare. We assured her it was ok and kept her dancing. It was hard to take pictures because the place was very dark and we were constantly chasing her around. Thank goodness for her because otherwise we would have been really bored; not our scene entirely. It is good to see the relatives though, many of whom had not seen Frank in many years.

I don’t know if it is because I am becoming an old fart, but the way girls dress is really horrible. About half the girls looked decent. Everyone was wearing a chiffon-type stretchy thing except for the party girl who was wearing a pink satin column with a small train and this one girl who was wearing a knit, micro-mini. The micro-mini girl kept tugging it down and I was like she should have just worn a longer skirt. Very trashy. Then there were a bunch of girls who should not have been wearing chiffon without foundation underneath. It’s ok to be a little curvy but you have to hold it in. The worst of these was a girl that was probably near 200 lbs. She should not have been forgoing a bra. And to make matters worse her dress was bright yellow. It was one bulging, sagging, mess. Frank asks me if we need to have such an event for Zoe. I said no, not if she doesn’t want one. She can get a car or a trip to Europe instead. I would prefer her to use the money for a tangible investment or something more long lasting than one party.


June 17, 2005

I am so glad it’s Friday. After a nice long lunch with some co-workers, I have no desire to get back to work at all. It’s strange. I missed so many days with Zoe being sick but now that I’m basically in every day, I have more time than I know what to do with. I could totally get the same amount of work done in four days. I wish one could work based on productivity rather than hours logged into a cubical workstation and still enjoy the benefits of corporate life, mainly health insurance and paid vacation. So this afternoon looks like more work on the cookbook.

Tomorrow we have a whirlwind day planned. My sister is coming to get us tonight and we’re staying at Mom’s. Tomorrow we’ll get up early, head to Long Island during Zoe’s morning nap and visit Frank’s grandmother, who is very ill and in the hospital. From there we have some time to burn so hopefully we’ll head to the mall so I can continue my hunt for a decent sandal. I continue to be annoyed by the entire shoe shopping experience. I am so close to researching custom shoes and designing a pair myself. Maybe we’ll hit IKEA as well. I promised a friend two Rattas and we’ve misplaced Zoe’s so I might have to get her a replacement if we can’t find him. Then we’re off to a party with Frank’s relatives who are celebrating a wedding anniversary, I think. Then back to Queens and then my sister will drop us off in Brooklyn.

Sunday is recooperate and domestic chore day. If we finish early, maybe we’ll go to the aquarium or some place fun. Most likely, if the weather holds, we’ll have a nice picnic in the park.


June 15, 3005 –

I opted to spent my lunch hour outside today because it is so perfectly comfortable. I’m on the serious hunt for some sandals. Of course, no sandals anywhere near to what I need are available. I found one cute wedge that neither made my foot look fat nor promoted accidental toppling but alas, it was $80 which is way out of my budget. I am sad… I am sandaless… My feet are too warm. The worst thing, is that I’ve had some wonderful sandals over the years. One were these black, suade wedges that were super cute. But alas, sandals do not last forever and whenever I am ready for a new pair, I can’t find a suitable replacement. I would be happy with some nice chunky fishermen styled or a nice, thick strapped, wedge.

I ruined my diet this morning with a cheese danish. I couldn’t help myself and immeadiately wanted another one afterwards. Whoever makes a low calorie, non-synthetic, cheese danish will surely become a millionaire.

I am so tired today. I just need another couple of hours of sleep… Hopefully dinner will go quickly and I can get to bed early. We’re doing well with meals ready in less than 30 minutes which lets us get the pumpkin bathed and in bed by 8:30. The thing is that by then, I’m more or less awake.

I think I need to get some ice cream or candy – more disaster for my diet but I need to wake up and the tea isn’t working.


June 14, 2005 – Yawn… so tired.

It’s mostly my fault. I stayed up until 1 am working on my sister’s bear for the baby. I watched the entire season six of Sex in the City feeling that I wouldn’t get another block of selfish TV time anytime soon. I don’t do it often so I figure I can manage. Then, at 3 am, I was awoken by a loud crash. A kitty, they aren’t naming names, knocked over my lucky bamboo. Broken glass and marbles all over the place. I clean everything up and move the bamboo to the shelf Frank made for my plants to avoid such an occurance. The only reason the bamboo was where it was, was because I didn’t want it to catch spider mites which are still plagueing my rose. It seemed like we had gotten a hold on controlling them but then they came back. I don’t know why all my attempts at trying to have some greenery in the apartment are constanly being thwarted.

Between this latest misbehavior and the pillow incident I am trying to figure out why my otherwise wonderful kitties are acting out.


June 13, 2005 – Um… subject… yeah right.

Ok. So I had a busy weekend. Friday, Frank and I cleaned the apartment as much as we could for Saturday’s stitch and bitch. Everything was going well until he woke up with a stomach thing. Lately we’ve both been subject to this cramping thing and I got it in Floreeda so it has nothing to do with any particular food or location. Zoe seems ok but we can’t tell. Anyway, it left me with baby and prep for the stitch and bitch which is a lot of work (I had to cut cheese and fruit). Fortunately, Zoe did laundry with me, via the Kelty and I got everything, including the laundry, done before anyone came. At about 1:30 I was relaxing and the ladies didn’t come until 3-ish so I was nice and uber-relaxed. I don’t need anyone to discover that I have this nutty side when I get stressed out.

Anyhoo, stitch and bitch went well. I was so happy to have some nice adult female companionship. Not that I don’t like Frank, but sometimes it’s nice to sit and stitch with the ladies. I made some progress on a crocheted bear for my sister to match the blanket I already gave her. Plus since we don’t go out anymore, I’ve been feeling so disconnected from anyone remotely like me. There isn’t anyone at work except for my corset buddy Amanda but we’re so busy we don’t get to chat too much. Plus, since I was home, I didn’t have to not see Zoe for an entire day. I’m so happy the ladies came over. If people are willing to come over and brave the pumpkin, I’d host one every month. It’s fun!

Sunday we decided to take Zoe to the Brooklyn Children’s Museum. Hmmm… it’s easy enough to get too. Only bad side is having to walk through Crown Heights. Not the best area but it was only six blocks. The museum itself was just the right size for Zoe and after casing the place, we figured we could let her off the leesh and just follow closly. She loved going through all the different sections and being able to touch everything. They had a special toddler section with water and foam shapes to crawl on which she really enjoyed. Nothing was overstimulating which is always something we have to worry about. We want her to enjoy herself not feel overwhelmed and we love a place where we don’t have to say no every five minutes. The downsides were that it was a little warm inside and there wasn’t any real food in the cafeteria which kept us from staying longer. It has a distinct low budget aura but for $4 you can’t go wrong. Zoe could have easily stayed for another hour if we let her. They had arts and crafts as well so when she gets older, she can really take advantage of their programs. After our great experience at the Prospect Park Zoo, this also goes on our list of places we can take Zoe to with minimal planning and expense.

We’re making some lifestyle changes. Nothing major but we realize that Zoe needs to be taken outside and let loose as much as possible. Our new commitement is to go somewhere every week and make sure she gets to run around outside, weather permitting, every day. So next week, we’re headed to Governor’s Island. Hopefully we can get some people to come with us, because it seems like a really neat place to spend the afternoon.

After the museum, we hit Target and friends for some shopping. I finally got a new pair of sneakers at DSW. After several years and three pairs, it was time to say goodbye to the Volitile platformed sneakers. I love them but sometimes your feet just want to breathe. And the platform doesn’t really bend so it can be a little uncomfy it you’re running around after a toddler for hours on end. I wanted a pair of those sporty little mini-sneakers which Diesel seems to make the most varieties of. But nothing in anything close to a color I would ever wear. I ended up with a nice pair of Vans, which look a whole like Frank’s. I didn’t notice until after I picked them out. Is it corny to have similar sneakers? They’re so damn comfortable I really don’t care. Then we headed to Target for some things we probably didn’t need. I did get a storage box for my yarn so should the kitties decide to start missing the box, at least my projects will be safe. Then we headed to Old Navy to get a replacement dress for Zoe since I took the wrong size by accident – it was on a mislabled hanger. They were out of the dress but had everything else on sale. I got Zoe short-alls for $1.50. I got two nice t-shirts, kaiki capris, cotton shirt and a camisole. Zoe got the short-alls and a dress and Frank got three t-shirts and a sweatshirt all for $100-ish. I am amazed. And all we had to do was brave the sale racks. I love Old Navy. I went through my closet and purged a little. I still really need time to just go through everything. Some things I am just never going to wear and need to be either donated or packed away.


June 10, 2005 – I am such an organizational geek.

First, some very good news. Frank’s dad has been given a clean bill of health. Seems to be scar tissue, not cancer, which is a very good thing. Frank is very relieved. However, the doctors wish he was healing better so they’re going to keep an eye on him. Good since, if something should pop up, it’ll be detected early on which makes such a difference. So on to more frivilous things.

I am now two projects closer to being an uber-geek of the organizational variety. Project one has to do with my ghetto art collection. I’m not given any art of my own at work because the company, as a whole, does not love the web department as they should, seeing as we bring in over $500,000 a month. Anyhoo, I’ve had to copy art from the other two art people here. Along with the CD, I color copy the insert so I can see what I have quickly. I was just throwing them into a folder but as I pilfer more art, my folder becomes more messy. So I bought a nice binder and some clear folder sleave things and voila – very tidy art folder.

Project number two is more personal. As you might know, I am very into my Everyday Food magazine. However, now I am amassing too many to carry to work in order to make a list and shop. My bag gets so heavy and bulging. There are many recipes I am never going to cook, like anything with mushrooms for example. And some of the recipes we didn’t care for entirely or take too long to make with the pumpkin lurking. So I clipped all my favorites out of the magazine and am typing them into the computer, unless I can copy/paste from the E.F. website, and I’m printing nice neat pages to put into a little binder that fits into my bag. Eliminates both the bulk and weight of the separate little magazines. Plus I can incorporate some non E.F. recipes as well. I’m taping in the pictures if I have them. It’s a fun project and a nice break from work related stuff.

Tomorrow I’m hosting a stitch and bitch. Should be really nice to have the ladies over. Frank is in charge of entertaining the pumpkin. I’m going to try to make progress on the little crocheted bear for my sister so I can be done with the bag of stuffing that is lurking in my living room.


June 9, 2005 – So happy to be back in New York.

Just a quick note because I have a lot of catching up to do at work. We survived our little vacation. We left home 6am on Thursday for our 8:30 flight. Due to some creative booking on the part of my sister, we were able to snag a empty seat for Zoe. She got to sit in her car seat which meant she was comfy and happy for the entire trip. She even took a nice nap which meant everyone could relax. The only fuss was when I had to use the bathroom and then she freaked out a little bit.

We relaxed for the rest of the day, enjoying the pool and letting Zoe get acclimated to her new surroundings. We hit the supermarket for supplies. Friday we spent a rediculous amount of time in the mall which was cold and we could let Zoe run around. She had a ball in this one store where I think they get kids dressed up and let them pantomime music videos. Zoe heard the music and went bananas. Tomorrow I’ll add the mpeg. Then we had more swimming which was a challenge because all Zoe wanted to do was run around the deck which is stone. Of course she fell and of course she is simply covered in bruises. Saturday we opted for a home day so we could all relax. We took Zoe on a walk around the neighborhood. So nice to be able to not have to worry too much about traffic.

Sunday we had the Bednarski’s over for lunch and more swimming. This time I put up the SuperYardXT and blocked off the deep end of the pool and the raised part of the deck and voila! More swimming for mommy and less running around for Zoe. Her favorite game was to throw the rubber fish into the pool and have mommy fetch them and throw them back out to her. She was able to get in and out of the pool by the stairs, by herself. We started to play a jump-in game and soon she was jumping in from the side of the pool, with mommy’s help of course. Still, she is very comfortable in the water and had a wonderful time.

Monday we ventured to Ibor City to meet lj.SquareWave for lunch. It was so nice to finally meet in person. He was very patient because lunch with Zoe is a super adventure and very messy. I was sorry not to get to meet his fiance but I hope to return in the fall with Frank and then we can all go out. We walked around a little bit. There used to be more unique stores and art galleries but now it’s very empty. Only a few trendy stores and club after club. I sort of miss the old Ibor. At least La France, my favorite vintage shop is still there and still expensive. Zoe was mesmerized by the jewelry. My grandmother was out anyway so we decided to head to Tarpon Springs to pick up Frank a natural sponge. Except for the piercing sun and heat we had a nice time walking around there as well. We took Zoe to their little aquarium there. Zoe got to pet stingrays and baby sharks. She couldn’t get enough of the fish and ran from each tank to the next. By the time we got back to the house, we needed a swim so in we hopped and had more splashing and jumping. Tuesday we just took our time getting ready for the flight home which would have been nice except that I had to put Zoe on my lap. She neither napped or held still but was in a fairly good mood so although exhausting, it wasn’t too bad.

Frank was waiting right by the luggage pick-up. Zoe was so excited and ran right to him. It was the cutest thing ever. Mom and John came a little later to help my sister get home. It was nice to have the entire family together for a welcome. Zoe napped for 10 minutes on the subway and then remembered how much she likes to wave at them. Then we got home and she was so excited there was no getting her to bed. Finally, we got her into bed at 10:30 and were able to eat. I heard her bouncing around until 11. So the next day getting ready for the usual routine just didn’t happen so I let her hang around the house for the morning. Finally we got to daycare where she was so happy to see her friends. I got the afternoon to get a haircut and some bubble tea.

Today it’s back to the same old thing which isn’t bad. I have a huge pile in my to do box so I’m off.


May 31, 2005 – One more day until holiday!

It feels good to be making progress on my work project. Feels like I might be able to go on vacation without feeling guilty about the work I haven’t done. I’m organizing the packing list tonight and hopefully everything will go smoothly tomorrow evening and Thursday morning. Traveling with the pumpkin is hard. Doing it alone is nearly impossible.

We’re one more step closer to completing our nesting. Tired of blah curtians, I used the old bedroom ones to create new ones for the living room. It took four hours but I think they look really neat. They just happen to really match our new rug which is bonus. Much to our horror, the cats were mistaking our new down pillows for litterboxes. We took them to the local cleaners only to be told that it would cost $168.00 dollars to clean them. That’s rediculous for five pillows, down or not. They didn’t cost that much new. Figuring I had nothing to lose, I washed them in the washing machine. Voila! The pillow covers came out nice and clean and fresh. The inserts had the strangest smell of wet dog. Even after drying and fluffing every hour, the smell was still there. I figured that was why the cats were going on them in the first place. So I sent Frank back to Target to get cheapo bed pillows and I pulled them apart to make new inserts. It worked out well and so far no accidents. I completed the bedroom curtians and Frank put up my fluer tiebacks so everything is nice a done in there. We put the canopy back on the bed which, together with the risers, really makes the room look very tall. I printed out the art I’d like for now and we’ll get the actual prints later. It’s a little different with the canopy up. It creates a different perspective. I took some new pictures and will post them tomorrow. I almosy have enough to create a 360 degree tour type of thing. All we need is the IVAR extention and the new computer desk and we’re done. Thank God we can take all this with us because it’s been a lot of work.

Yesterday we were supposed to visit Frank’s sister but I woke up with the worst case of stomach cramping. Frank let me sleep in a little bit which was nice but I still felt crappy. We sat around and watched “The Day After Tomorrow” which was creepy only because disaster was happening in our city which is always weird to watch. Around noon, I decided that Zoe needed to get out so, fueled by a caramel frappachino light, I took her to the Prospect Park Zoo. She had a ball. It’s cheap and just the right size for her to digest. It was tricky to do on my own but I tried to let her walk around as much as possible. She really responed well to the fish and sea lions. She identified the chickens with her little arm flapping thing she does. When she spotted the animals, she got so excited, especially when they moved. We had such a good time. Afterwards, I took her on a carolsel ride seeing as she likes to be bounced and tossed around. She was fine for about two seconds and then started to fuss a little bit. But together we made it through and towards the end, she seemed ok with it. We’ll try again next time. An added bonus, our stroller was still there when we got off the ride. Thank God for small miracles.

On the way home, we stopped at Barnes and Noble. I bought her “Where The Wild Things Are” because I’ve been after that for a while and two colors and shapes books. I also got “The Happiest Toddler on the Block” which so far is the best thing I’ve read about toddlers and communication and behavior. I am amazed at how on target this book is. I heard about his earlier book, Happiest Baby on the Block, but never picked it up. I’m so into the toddler one, I’m going to buy the baby one for my sister.

Poor Frank. He is upset about us leaving but we’ll be back soon. He’s probably going to go out to Long Island to spend time with his cousin and do guy things.


May 26, 2005 – Does a frozen coffee beverage count as dessert?

Today I had oatmeal for breakfast and some raisin toast. No breakfast-masked dessert like a muffin or danish in sight. However, I got a Frozen Mocha Blast. I’m wondering if it counts as dessert. I certianly will have a very light lunch because one of these usually fills me up for the better part of the day. Plus I have energy to burn because I think they lace the chocolate with crack. But I’m wondering if this counts against my diet. Then again, I did allow myself low-fat ice cream, Hagen Daaz light specifically, as the one dessert because otherwise I’ll become quite homicidal and we can’t have that. It’s frozen and has milk which is awfully close to ice cream in nature. I am pondering…

Meanwhile, I have decided to plow ahead with the completions of our little apartment makeover. I’m going to get those three posters by LiLiger because so far everytime I go into the bedroom and see them, I just get in a great mood. We lost one of our new pillows to the cat (grumble – bad kitty) so I have to pick up another two large and one more small pillows for the sofa. Also am going to pick up a area rug and some curtians for the living room to really bring out the gold color of the new cushions. And a little more IVAR and we’re done. Just the endless debate about painting the place and the big purge.

I’m making a flier about organizing the yard sale for the building today and hope everyone hops on board because these whopper building sales are always fairly successful. Have to ask the apt office if it’s cool to host the sale in the courtyard if we promise to keep everything tidy.

Not being able to do a complete website make-over, I updated the opening flash sequence with some new photos from a recent walk around the neighborhood.


May 25, 2005 – Finally a break.

Why? Because I can’t view my stupid testing site because some variable or another is not getting passed and I can’t see the pages in order to correct them. So I get a much needed lunch break and a chance to update the ol’ blog.

Just got a call from Frank. The doctors don’t think his dad has cancer. He was in for a biopsy-scopy of his lungs this morning. They didn’t get the results back but based on what they see primarily, it just looks like scar tissue build-up. We’ll see, but it helps us be hopeful if they’re optimistic. Meanwhile, we’re happy he’s stopped smoking. I can’t see how anyone can smoke if they have even a small idea of what it does to you. Frank is working on quitting. It’s so hard. He’s trying to get the patch again.

Of course, everyone has their vices and I’m sure dessert doesn’t do a body good either. Can we say high cholesteral? Today has been a good day. No dessert at all, so far. I had one diet soda because I need the caffeine and I’m eating cherries for a snack. I think now that the G.S. cookies are gone, I should be able to drop a few pounds.

I showed Frank the new pictures I want for the bedroom, thus completing our little facelift. I’ve chosen three prints by an artist called Don LiLeger. Each one is 16″ square and should really look nice above the bed without overpowering the area. If you want to see them, they’re at allposters.com and are called “Terrazzo Garden”, “Spring Chorus”, and “Dancing in the Wind”. They each incorporate shades of green and red which go with the lampshades and the curtians. Although they’re floral, I don’t think they’re too girly since Frank did mention that he would rather not have a girly bedroom. I wanted something Asian but not Chinese restaurant-ish and although I love, love, love, the Japanese giant wave painting, It was too cool hued for the room’s color scheme. Hopefully, unlike my Chat Noir poster, which everyone and their grandmother has now, these prints will be a little more unique.

Next project… new computer desk, living room curtians and completing IVAR, and organizing a building-wide stoop sale.


May 23, 2005

Still working on the work web site of death. Updating like a mo’ fo’ so I don’t have to work during my vacation. Sigh… too much for one little person to do.

We had a wonderful weekend. Got up early, Frank did too which is a miracle, cleaned the apartment and then went for a nice walk over the Brooklyn Bridge to S.S. Seaport, which is like a 30 minute walk from our place. Zoe loved the bridge. She seems a little curious about getting into the city without taking a train, since she’s never done that before. We had a nice lunch at Pizzario Unos, I know I know so cheesy, and took the positively adorable, yet expensive, Water Taxi back to Brooklyn. For the two minutes we had of boat ride, Zoe was adhered to the window.

Sunday Frank also got up early but I felt very lethargic for no good reason. We managed to get going and take care of Target shopping. We finally updated our living room with new pillows for the couch. It finally looks nice in there. And I got sheets to use as curtians for the bedroom divider. Just works out that king size is the perfect for complete floor to ceiling panels and at 14$ it was such a bargain. They’re a nice solid color and decidedly not sheet-like in appearance. Because they’re 275 count, they have a luster and limited transluscence which is exactly what I was looking for. We have only to find a good piece of art to hang over the bed and we’ll be done. Frank picked out the cutest red shades for our bedside lights. I am thinking something Chinese or Japanese for the art. We got Zoe Baby Divinci. Already she has started to recognize feet as well as eyes, ears and mouth from before. We trying to teach her to say “love you” and “excuse me”, “please” and “thank you” next. We want her to be polite.

The weekend is over too soon. I was having a really intense dream and even if you get a lot of sleep, waking up in the middle of one can make you very tired so today I am groggy.


May 20, 2005

This project at work has taken over my life. I’m half way done but it feels like a lot more has been done and a lot further to go. All for what? No one is going to notice.


May 16, 2005

Saturday we came, we saw and we cleaned. We’re totally digging our new furniture arrangement, several days after the fact and love all the room. Our place looks 10 bigger just from moving the sofa. And it’s easier to clean. We need to purge but can’t exactly figure out how to manage the stuff removal. We don’t just want to throw perfectly usable stuff away.

Sunday, we were going to go to the aquarium but Zoe’s eyes becamed inflammed which made her look like she got into a fight but it seemed, after an hour in the hospital, that she is having some sort of allergic reaction. Could be to the new stuff we got to keep Baxter from marking the new plant. He is up to no good, that kittie, and soon he will go to the vet to rule out kitty urinary tract problems. All these years we never had a problem and now they’re acting up because if one does it, they all will follow. I’ve been here before with Sneakers so it was off to Target to buy some plastic cat-proof storage bins. Voila. The trick is to keep the place neat and tidy, thus eliminating cat-marking friendly places.

My sister found out she is carrying a perfectly healthy baby girl!!! I couldn’t be happier for her. Unfortunately, she was really hoping for a boy and is sulking about it. But I think it will be great for Zoe and for the two of them later when they’ll need someone not parental to chat with, almost like having a sister. I couldn’t imagine live without my sister and I am glad she wasn’t a boy. Hopefully she feels better about it soon because baby girls really are a whole lot of fun.

<!— Truth be told, I am rather furious that she is so ungreatful that she is having a healthy baby. I mean let's get our priorities in order here missy. The picture is bigger now than your selfish desires. Things do not always go your way. Are you pissed because you wanted to be different by being the breeder of a boy? How do you think Frank felt because he is the last in his line and was hoping for a boy to carry the family name and line. And he only thought for one second that a boy would have been nice. One second and then he realized his daughter would be the best person in the world and the center of his universe. No surprise. He knew, as did I, before hand that it would be a girl. Honestly we never cared. If I knew that Christine was getting all hung up on this gender thing, I would have said something. And indeed I did warn her about putting too much anticipation in one gender over the other.

I thought she would see the up side since she was complaining about how cute the girl clothes were and how since she was having a boy, for sure, that she wouldn’t be able to get cute things. I pointed out that boy things are just as cute. I am fairly horrified that she, even for a second, has any regret about her baby. It’s her baby and should be the center of her universe no matter what the sex. But all she can think about is all the negative things about it being a girl. She had it all figured out that a boy would really be the best and that a girl is only going to become a teenager who will most likely get pregnant or whatever. Nice attitude. Nice future you’re dreaming up. What sort of mother thinks this way? What sort of mother doesn’t think of the best future for her child? And how come she thinks a boy is so much easier? You never know. Everything depends on your attitude and ability to love your child. I worry about my sister’s ability to be a good mother because her attitude is so crappy. I have to pray and have faith that she will change.

Meanwhile, I am so happy Zoe will have a little cousin to play with. They can dress up together. Another girl in the long line of women in my family is wonderful. Strength and love only get better with every generation so I hope all the best for her baby and Zoe as they grow old together. I just wish my sister could see beyond her own stupid ideas, which she mistakenly holds on such a pedistal. It’s so annoying, but I don’t know why I am surprised. My sister has always been a know-it-all who is incapable of considering anyone else’s ideas or experience. She will learn. Hopefully not at the cost of the relationship with her child.

—>


May 11, 2005 – When you really want to smack someone but you can’t.

I’m sure you all remember the very chatty and distracting ladies that sit near my cubical and talk, incessantly, about everything and anything under the sun. Well, today was no exception. Lots of idle chatter about this one’s boyfriend and that one’s corns or whatever ails her feet. They’ve mentioned Duane Reade on at least five separate occasions. It’s bordering on excessive.

Anyhoo, loud as the angels are bright, the fat and particularily rude one says, “we all know some people are listening and talking behind our backs” blah blah blah. Since I’m the only one within listening distance, they must mean me. Now I have no patience for that because we’re grown-ups… oh God she is humming… here and if you have a problem with someone, you should say it to their face. Besides which, her accusation, as lose and childish as it is, is unfounded since I don’t gossip about my co-workers and other than complaining here I don’t talk about them or what they say. Lookie here bee-otch, don’t flatter yourself. I don’t give a rats… wait, rats are cute… a chicken’s arse about you or your life. I’m only polite to you because I’m that kind of person and because, while brutish and callous, you still remain to be a human and I have standards in the way I treat other people even if they suck.

On the up side I got my long awaited for Girl Scout cookies today! Frank will be pleased his Samoas came. I got the diet lemon coolers for myself because one can’t totally give up the G.S. cookie habit. I’m just proud of myself and that I didn’t even open a box all day and instead munched on grapes for the better part of the morning and before lunch.

You know, if someone reads your journal and they happen to know of whom I write because I don’t use alternate names, and they blab to others about it, a gossip this does not make of me. Honestly, if given an opportunity, I would tell the ladies that they really need to hold the chatter down to a minimum at work. Nothing wrong with asking people to be a little quiet since we all have to work together here. But as long as I can vent why have a confrontation? I am allowed to my opinion as are they. I just don’t particularily appreciate someone thinking I talk shit when I don’t.


May 10, 2005 – Quick note…

Just a quick note to everyone. We got up at the ungodly hour of 4:30 am and made it with breakfast time to spare at the Manhattan Ear Eye Throat Hospital. Zoe handled the long pre-op proceedure and waiting fairly well. They let me go with her into the OR where they administered the “silly gas” and I got to hold her as she slipped into dreamland. Barely 15 minutes later we heard crying from the other room and voila, she was all done and ready to join us in the recovery room. She fussed for a while but eventually she calmed down with the help of some jello. Everything went ok and after a family nap we all feel quite good.

She isn’t screaming as much and seems to notice things around her a little better which is a good indication that perhaps her hearing has improved. Yay!!!

Thanks for everyone’s good wishes for our little girl.


May 9, 2005 – Very quick due to a recovery at work this morning.

Tomorrow is Zoe’s operation so I’m taking the day off and Friday I lost a day of work because my system here got a virus and shut us down all day. So I have to do three days worth of work today.

Friday night, we got too late of a start to go out to the movies so we opted to take in a quiet and peaceful dinner in Little Italy. It was so nice to just eat and not move. Saturday we got up and took Mom and John out to breakfast at our favorite Zoe-friendly dinner. We took a nice long walk through the neighborhood. Mom took me to the merchatile exchange where I made a connect for future piece work of the crochet and sewing variety. When we got home, we realized our plants were infested with spider-mites. After some serious TLC I managed to save my favorite red rose plant, the cactus and the bamboo. The other rose, which was the culprit of infection, got the boot. Our palm also had to go, suffering from scales. Yuck!! Off to Lowes to get insecticide and a new large-type plant. The new ficus, which is very good for our apartment conditions, is adjusting nicely to it’s new home. The rose has recovered somewhat and the other two seem ok as well. We completed the final rearrangement of the furniture in the living room with great results! Everything is more open, spacious and tidy.

After two great days, Mother’s day was a little lackluster. Frank slept in until 2 pm (grrr) so Zoe and I went to the park and had a great time. The rest of the day was pretty boring. I tried to catch up on housework without too much success. The weekend is just too short. The up side is that any day with Zoe is a good one, even if Frank is in less than optimum form.

Today I am wearing a new dress I got during my Thursday birthday shopping spree at Target. It’s one of the Issac Mizrahi designs. It fits so well, like a glove really. The pattern isn’t too obnoixous either.


May 6, 2005 – No reason for alarm really.

It’s so strange to see a place you go to every day on the morning news. A day later from the now famous assult on my buildings cement flower pot and life is almost back to normal. There are two police stationed in front and a few photo journalists taking pictures. No particularily big deal really. Considering it was a homemade device, not strong enough to cause any super damage, and that it happened at 3 am, it seems logical that more likely than not this was the work of obnoixous teenagers. I refuse to let this get to me because I have to come to work. I have to function. I can’t afford, literaly, to hide in my apartment.

Let’s take a moment to remember our friend the cement planter. Alas, it will disfigured forever. Fortunately for our planter, it’s only a small chunk and most of its contents remain intact. The worst part of this entire ordeal is that everyone whose car was parked nearby had their car searched which meant police had to break their window resulting in thousands of dollars of damage. If they catch the person, and they will because it was all caught on survaliiance tape, I hope they make them pay for all the damage as well as community service. They can start with replanting the planter they damaged.

They gave us the day off yesterday while they checked the building for other explosives. I spent a wonderful relaxed morning at Target, spending way too much money, and then Bath and Body Works where I bought my mother some goodies as well as some nice items for myself. I wasn’t going to buy anything for myself but it felt so nice to pamper myself a little bit and everything was on sale. My sister came over and we walked around the neighborhood taking pictures of assorted neighborhood things. She joined us for some Fatoosh middle eastern food and then left, taking the excess furniture with her. I assembled Aneboda and now the bedroom looks so neat and tidy.

We’re fighting a virus at work so I am heading to Hallmark to get Mother’s Day cards. Should be a nice quiet weekend, starting with our special movie night date, mom and John are staying over, and a nice brunch tomorrow.


May 4, 2005 – Not my usual time but…

I’m such an idiot. I didn’t get to Zoe’s paperwork and almost screwed up the entire upcoming operation. Normally I am on top of these things. I think subconsiencly I don’t want to have to do this so I somehow put getting the paperwork and subsequent exams out of my mind. Thank God I made that appointment last night because we were able to get everything done. Poor Zoe had to withstand blood work and the blood-pressure cuff, which she hates. It only took two hours but we finally got everything done.

I want her to get the surgery because she will feel better but I am terrified. The closer the day comes, the more anxious I get. I’m really afraid something will go wrong and she’ll be deaf or not wake up from the anastesia. I don’t think I’m feeling anything any other parents wouldn’t feel in the same circumstances. On the other hand this is a routine procedure that many children get without any problems at all.

The best way for me to handle this is to just get to work. I have a lot to do which helps. I need to think of something positive which, since yesterday, is that I completed my first The Daily News crossword puzzle.


May 3, 2005 – We have a busy evening.

I’m leaving work in about 20 minutes. I have to run home, pick up Zoe and head back into the city for her doctor’s appointment. She’s been really tugging at her ears which mean another infection. I want to get her on antibiotics so that she is feeling well and healed for her surgery next week. Any infection and they can’t do the procedure which means we won’t be able to go to Florida in June. I am not a fan of giving her antibiotics every month so hopefully this is the last time we’ll be dealing with this.

Frank’s meeting me at her doctor’s office and we’ll probably pick up pizza for dinner since we’re on the move. Money’s a little tight this week because I bought Aneboda for the bedroom as well as some items from Target because I forgot the overnight bag but this is it. NO MORE SHOPPING!! Should be ok from here on in. Over the next few weeks I just want a normal routine. When I get back from Florida it’s time to go to the dentist and get my teeth fixed. We’ll have half day Fridays which means extra time to go to the dentist.

I finally got my art up and working for the cross-stitch website so all I have to do is get the patterns created and register the website and voila!!! e-commerce for me. I had a last minute change of idea and decided to broaden the offerings to include crochet patterns too. I also have a new color scheme for the website so a little work is needed there. So exciting in any case. If it takes off, then that’ll be a great side thing to do while being a full time mom.


May 2, 2005 – It’s just so relaxing at Mom’s.

Every time I spend a weekend at my mother’s house in Queens, I feel like I’ve taken a week off. I’m sure if we lived there, which might happen, it would be different. Still, the private backyard and lack of six flights of stairs is so relaxing. Also, I am not surounded by the millions of things I have to do at home. I actually fell asleep on Sunday while we were waiting for people to come over.

Friday night, my sister came to get us. It’s just nicer to have a good solid two days there. Everything was fine until we got all the way to Queens and realized that we forgot the overnight bag. No biggie except that in that bag was my birth control pills and Zoe’s diapers. I decided to double up the next day and opted for a nice sleep instead of a round trip to Brooklyn.

My sister and I woke up early on Saturday and headed back to Brooklyn for the bag (grrrr). It would have been nice to just get to IKEA but I needed that bag. It was nice to feed the cats though, because they needed to hold out until Sunday night when we planned on coming home. They didn’t even come to the door. It’s like they know when we’ll be gone for the weekend. Once I got ready, we got on the road to IKEA. My sister was very patient because it was a total backtrack. IKEA was fun, as usual. I stuck to my list and didn’t spend any extra money. I got my Aneboda chest of drawers so now I can give my sister the changing table, transfer all my sewing things to the new chest and make the bedroom really look neat and tidy. Next project, completing IVAR and the big purge.

Sunday we slept in. When Zoe woke up, Mom said she could hear her singing. She said she wasn’t having it when Mom took her out of her room. Seems she had a one track mind to find the mommy and daddy. Mom said she knew right where to go even though we were downstairs in my sister’s apartment. Zoe is such a smart cookie! We all took nice naps, walked through the neighborhood, helped mom prepare beir-garten BBQ food and have a wonderful time. I really prefer the small family gathering to a full-out party. I mean, how else can you get an hour nap in? The nap felt so good. Like I said, it’s relaxing at Mom’s.

Mom doesn’t want to admit it but having Frank and I live there would be a great idea. We can give her the $1,000 a month we now pay for rent and she can stay with John, which is where she is all the time. My sister would get baby-sitting for her night hours, company and mostly free food, and I would get two less days a week of daycare. Possibly three if I can work four days a week instead of five. Plus it’s good for her baby to have a man around the house. Frank and I can take care of the house and the yard which she just doesn’t have time for these days. My grandmother said we could get her car, thus eliminating a huge issue for Frank and insurance is much cheaper in Queens. It’d be so nice to have a backyard for Zoe to play in. Somewhere where she could be safe and enclosed. None of this is definite and at the earliest it would happen next year around this time. It all depends on my sister and how the baby works out.


Apr 28, 2005 – Invasion of the whipper-snappers.

So… today was bring your kids to work day. After eating McDonalds, which I thought was a poor choice for the kids but it was free for me so whatever, I got to take the kids on a tour of the wonderland that is professional corporate web design. They more or less behaved themselves, the four girls more so than the boys. But boys are boys. They need action, not office life.

So, working with another woman from Economics, we conducted a survey, created content, talked about the difference between photos and illustrations, picked out pictures and drew illustrations on my snazzy mouse tablet. As fast as I could, because they had a short attention span, I threw everything on a webpage. In retrospect, I should have made puzzles. Making a different piece for each aspect of a webpage, like title, paragraphs, pictures, illustrations and then they could put the pieces together and then while they were touring another department, create a webpage for each of them based on their assemblied parts. Man… that would be cool and would have been much better because they could have all worked simultaneously.

One kid probably hates me because I separated him but he was beating up on his sister and causing the other kids to get hyper. The little sister was instigating him so I had to get them apart. Honestly, if your kids cannot behave, and the rest of them did just fine, then you cannot bring them into your workplace where they’ll cause a major disruption. I can only imagine that if a child acts like that in front of a stranger then they must be even worse at home. Zoe will not be like that because I remember myself at 10 and I wasn’t like that. We were brought up to behave in front of adults. God, I must be so old to them.

Yesterday, I took a nice day off from work and mommyhood and spent the morning cleaning out my bedroom. I threw away three garbage bags of crap and sucked up pounds of dust from under the bed. I also raised the bed on stands so now I can store tons of things underneath. I have four underbed storage bins that are empty. Talk about happiness. My sister came over in the afternoon and we headed to Target and The Children’s Place. I got Zoe all of her summer clothes and my sister registered at Target and bought some nice maternity clothes from there and Old Navy. Together with what I gave her, she is fairly all set. She still has a great deal of things to take and I need to go to IKEA to buy Ameoba before she can take the changing table because my sewing things need a place to go. I still have to purge the closet and living room and kitchen but I’m closer which feels good. Instead of painting, because why bother if we’re moving in a year, I am getting new textiles for the apartment. I’ve picked out the remainder of the bathroom pirate items, a new quilt set and curtians for the bedroom, which only leaves the curtian/upholstery for the living room. Towards the end of May, once I get the tax refund – yippee! – I will take another few days off and purge and shop for new things!!! I can’t wait to live in a place that doesn’t destroy all the fabrics in the apartment.


Apr 25, 2005 – A note from the trenches.

I’m still fighting with those stylesheets. I have a funny feeling that I am going about them all wrong and trying to make them behave like tables instead of like what they are. My workmate is having a look because I am stuck. He’s not having much better luck either. In the meanwhile, I created some new LJ icons. One is a new one of Zoe and the other is a very frisky pepper.

Our weekend was fairly decent. We went way over budget. We were supposed to meet up with the freaky-parents group at the Central Park Zoo but because of the weather they changed the location. Then Frank pulled his back out so that was that. We spent the afternoon cleaning the apartment and doing errands. Our little indoor garden hasn’t been too perky so we headed to the hardware store to pick up some plant food. I didn’t know you needed to feel plants so no wonder they looked crappy. Hopefully they’ll be on the road to recovery before long. I really want my palm to come back since it’s such a nice touch. After picking up some items from the drug store, we headed home. While we cleaned Clutch’s tank, we discovered he/she needed a new tank since the silicon was disintegrating. So, since we didn’t want to have a flood, we headed out again. No suitable tank was to be found so we had to make a quick trip to Park Slope on the trusty B75. It’s actually a very nice ride, and preferable to the subway. Quick as it was, we didn’t bring diapers or anything so in Park Slope we had to stop for a snack. Thank God for places that carry juice boxes. Fortunately the weather held out so we didn’t get wet. We finished cleaning up, gave Clutch his new home, and put Zoe to sleep. While I dyed my hair, we watched the original Reefer Madness. I was under the impression that it was supposed to be this funny thing but alas, it was only mediocre and more scary than anything. I know a whole lot of potheads and none of them are motivated to do anything but eat junk food and veg-out, let alone attack people or murder. Scary that people actually believed this stuff.

Sunday was a relax day. We did laundry and basically hung out. Zoe took huge naps so I really got to work on my sister’s blanket. I’m halfway done now with the basic construction. I ran out of squares so I have to make more before progressing. I also started to assemble my domestic design notebook. Taking a cue from the professionals, sometimes it helps to have everything you like in one place that is easy to transport around. There is some talk about us maybe moving into my Mom’s house so painting is on hold. Instead we’re getting new bedding and curtains.

Sunday night we watched “The Girl Next Door” which was surprisingly cute.

Quiz Madness

1. First Name: Suzanne

2. Were you named after anyone? No

3. Do you wish on stars? No

4. Which finger is your favorite? Thumb

5. When did you last cry? 50 First Dates made me bawl.

6. Do you like your handwriting? I used to, and then I got carpel tunnel

8. Any bad habits? Eating sweets

9. What is your most embarrassing CD on the shelf? Probably Ace of Base

10. If you were another person, would YOU be friends w/you? I think so

11. Are you a daredevil? Depends. Living paycheck to paycheck in NYC is pretty daring

12. Have you ever told a secret you swore not to tell? Not on purpose, it slipped.

13. Do looks matter? Hygiene matters.

14. How do you release anger? I don’t bottle it. Five minutes of ranting and raving and then I feel all better. Don’t get mad much really.

15. Where is your second home? Mom’s in College Point, Queens.

16. Do you trust others easily? Moderately

17. What was your favorite toy as a child? Legos

18. What class in school do you think is totally useless? Everything is important

19. Do you have a journal? Several

20. Do you use sarcasm a lot? Only once or twice a month. I’m not clever

21. Have you ever been in a mosh pit? Yup. It wasn’t pretty

22. What do you look for in a guy/girl? Frank

24. What are your nicknames? Zan, Zanny, Saucy Wench

25. Would you bungee jump? No

26. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? Most of the time

27. Do you think that you are strong? Compared to some

28. What’s your favorite ice cream flavor? Right now I am into the Dulce de Leche caramel Hagen Daaz light

29. Shoe Size? 7.5

30. What are your favorite colors? Muted earth tones.

31. What is your least favorite thing? Fear, anxiety, violence

32. How many wisdom teeth do you have? 3

33. How many people have a crush on you right now? I hope Frank.

34. Who do you miss most right now? Zoe and Frank

35. Do you want everyone you send this to go ahead and post it on your blog? It’s cool to see what other people are thinking about

36. What color pants are you wearing? No pants

37. What are you listening to right now? Office noises

38. Last thing you ate? Rolos – it’s been a bad afternoon

39. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Forest green

40. What is the weather like right now? Can’t tell. Stuck in a cube

41. Last person you talked to on the phone? My sister

42. The first things you notice about the opposite sex? Hair

43. Do you like the person who sent you this? Something happened there. She absolutely hates my guts but I read her blog anyway

44. How are you today? Ok, aside from the stylesheets

45. Favorite drink? Water with lemon

46. Favorite Alcoholic Drink? Anything sour

48. Your Hair Color? Today it is blonde

49. Your Eye Color? Hazel

50. Do you wear contacts? No.

51. Siblings? Younger sister

52. Favorite Month? May

53. Favorite Food? Polish

54. Last movie that you watched? The Girl Next Door

55. Favorite Day of the Year? Zoe’s birthday

57. Scary Movies or Happy Endings? Depends

58. Summer or Winter? Winter

59. Hugs or Kisses? Hugs

60. Relationships or One Night Stands? Relationships

61. Do you want your friends to write back? If they’d like

64. Living Arrangements? 1BR in Brooklyn

65. What Books are You Reading? None – crocheting

66. What’s on your mouse pad? Gateway logo

67. Favorite Board Game? Risk

68. What did you watch on TV last night? The Girl Next Door

69. Favorite Smells? Clean apartment

70. What’s the first thing you think of when you wake up? Zoe, of course!


Apr 21, 2005 – You may have noticed my scarcity.

We’re ok, more or less. Frank is actually home sick but nothing serious and Zoe and I are just fine. Nothing bad really. It’s just that once I get home it’s all about the pumpkin and after she goes to bed I have to do housekeeping before I pass out. It’s a wonderfully simplistic routine that I’ve come to love.

I do most of my journal updating at work which means if I’m having a busy time at work, I tend to neglect my journal. That and really, nothing exciting has been happening. Anyway, there is a new section of my work’s website that is using stylesheets and I am having a really pain of a time trying to get all my layers to line up correctly and forget about the rollovers. Seems I can only get one thing I want to happen at a time and if I combine them, it doesn’t work. It’s so frustrating! I know there is a degree of learning curve here and that these things take time but I could have finished this last week if I used tables. I feel like I’m working with a heavy weight on my shoulders. It’s upseting me and by the end of the day, I’m so drained. But I am trying to focus and really problem solve and remember that last week I couldn’t have done half of what I can do today.

Today we had the office healthfair. They had a chiropractor there who was discussing carpal tunnel so I went down to the third floor conference room where they were holding the event hoping she could suggest some exercizes to ease the discomfort until I can get to the neurosurgeon. Not only did she say that a chiropractor could solve my problem because my carpal tunnel is really a problem with my spine, even though I don’t have any back pain or stiffness, she went on to tell me that chiropratic could solve Zoe’s ear fluid problem and that we shouldn’t go through with the tubes. Um… How in the world is a chiropractor going to get the fluid out of her ears when the area is enclosed and internal? Four pediatricians and the baby ear/nose/throat specialist/expert all recommended the tubes, but this chick, who couldn’t have been

over 35 knows better because she is a chiropractor and chiropractics apparently is the only medicine anyone should need. She went on to jump out of her chair and grab my shoulders which, of course, made me shreik since I don’t like being touched by strangers and I’m ticklish and she says, “See?!?! you obviously have a problem with your spine which is causing your carpal tunnel.” Funny thing is, the guy in front of me had a complaint about his back and she did the exact same thing to him and was like oh yeah, you need chiropractics. I believe in physical therapy because twice I went and both times, I felt incredible afterwards and haven’t had either complaint since. The one time I went to a chiropractor, he said I was overweight and needed to change my diet or I was going to degenerate into a horrible state, which was three years ago. I am obviously fine. Of course, that extra piece of cake is probably why I have carpal tunnel.

Yeah… that’s it. I’m sure chiropractics works for some people but I think it’s a choice and this chick shouldn’t have been going on like my going to a neurosurgeon and physical therapist wouldn’t do any good for my hands. I’m sure if there is a problem with the nerves in my spine, the neurosurgeon will figure it out since I’m sure he is at least as smart as a chiropractor. We can only hope, insert rolled eyes here. I just wanted to know if there were some exercizes I could do in the meanwhile. At least I got free lunch, even if I had to endure the chiro-chicky from hell.


Apr 20, 2005 – Quiz. I’m a ESFJ-The Provider

You scored 72% I to E, 57% N to S, 42% F to T, and 10% J to P!

Providers, a subgroup of the Guardians, take it upon themselves to arrange for the health and welfare of those in their care, as well as being quite sociable. Wherever they go, Providers take up the role of social contributor, happily giving their time and energy to make sure that the needs of others are met, that traditions are supported and developed, and that social functions are a success. Providers are extremely sensitive to the feelings of others, which makes them perhaps the most sympathetic of all the types, but which also leaves them rather self-conscious, that is, highly sensitive to what others think of them. Because of this Providers can be crushed by personal criticism, and will work most effectively when given ample appreciation both for themselves personally and for the service they give to others. This is not to say that Providers are afraid to express their own emotional reactions. They are quick to like and dislike—and don’t mind saying so—tending to put on a pedestal whatever or whoever they admire, and to come down hard on those people and issues they don’t care for. You share your type with 10% of the population.

As a romantic partner, you work hard to nuture and protect your relationships. You go to great lengths to maintain harmony and are motivated to resolve conflicts. You have a very clear idea of what is important to you and do best when your partner shares those same values. You want your partner to be loving, commited, and willing to support your frequently overwelming feelings and reactions. You feel most appreciated when your partner is kind, considerate, and helpful, and compliments you often on your hard work in their behalf.

Your group summary: Guardians (SJ)

Your Type Summary: ESFJ


Apr 18, 2005 – I’ve been slacking…

It’s been a busy few days and with working on my sister’s baby blanket, I haven’t had time to write much. I finished all the yarn I had for Frank’s blanket and will have to order more to finish it. This is slightly bad because you hope you get the same color but you never know since the dye lot is always different. The chenille texture should help a little bit with matching. So far it is just the most beautiful thing. So lush and rich looking. I hope it matches the blue I chose to paint the room but it doesn’t really matter. In the meanwhile, I am working at a fevered pace on my sister’s blanket. I’ve assembled four rows so it’s starting to look like a blanket. It’s working up to be a little bigger than I initially thought, so I am glad to have cut the pattern down. Assembly is taking a little long because I have to match the connecting color to the square but it’s worth it. I have pictures of the progress of both blankets as well as recent photos to add sometime this week to the website.

Friday I took Zoe, whose new words include fish, shoes and juice, to the ear, nose, throat specialist. Nothing surprising there. She will need to have tube installed in her ears to relieve the fluid build up. Nothing we have done wrong or could have done to prevent it. The only scarry thing is that she has to be knocked out which is always a risk even they tell you it’s fairly routine. But it should eliminate all the problems and she’ll be able to hear.

Having lunch has perked me up. I have no idea why I am tired but I am. Stupid Monday. Anyway, Saturday we decided to try to find Frank another wedding band since he lost the first two. I’m starting quite a collection since I have them both still. We’re thinking about perhaps not matching them but part of me is old fashioned and things they should match. Frank favors this ring that has little gears on it while I want something more refined. Hopefully we’ll find a happy medium that won’t cost too much since he has a bad track record to date. Perhaps those tattoos wouldn’t have been such a bad idea after all.

After finding nothing, we hit up bubble tea at Jenny’s. Oh how I have missed it. I had Taro Milk tea and Frank had a beer. Ever since they started to serve beer, Frank has been very willing to indulge my tapioca whims. It’s nice to find common ground. Zoe was doing so well and then lost patience when we wouldn’t give her a scallion pancake (too greasy) and let her run around wild. I look forward to the times when she can sit nice and behave herself. From there we progressed to the BBQ. It was nice to see everyone. These are friends of mine from college who Frank really get’s along with as well. It’s a nice bunch of artists, graphic artists, theater people and generally creative types. Of course, with Zoe running around it’s hard to have a conversation but at least I got enough time to touch base. I bailed early because Zoe was fussing (bedtime) and it was getting very chilly.

It’s always hard to hang out with people who don’t have kids. It’s not their fault, I mean I used to be the same way, but they view a child as a liability. I could tell that one chick, not a friend but a friend of a friend, seemed horrified, just under the surface. What I don’t understand is that we’re getting into our thirties. This chick was 32. You don’t live forever. A woman cannot have kids indefinitely. And really, no one wants a teenager when they’re sixty. We wanted to be young enough to have enough energy to play with our kids and when they grew, to be around to be grandparents and help them out. There is nothing wrong with being a 30 year-old with a child. In fact it’s very normal. You can’t expect to be in your thirties and not run into a child once in a while.

Sunday we headed to Prospect park to let Zoe run around. We found a nice spot, set up our IKEA igloo tent thing, which rocks, ate bagels and took turns chasing Zoe around the park. There were several other kids her age and Zoe had no problem going up to them and making use of their toys. The parents were pretty cool about it and all the kids played nice but we had to tell Zoe that she cannot just take other kids’ toys. We made a mental note that next time we will need to bring more toys for her to play with. Towards the end of the afternoon, she started to wind down and we hadn’t walked for five minutes when she passed out in the jogger.


Apr 12, 2005 – Stylesheets are my friend.

I’ve been a tables girl since I started web designing several years ago. I like that you tell them what to do and voila, they do it. More or less. I’ve fought stylesheets because a while back I tried them and they let me down. Then I started using them for formatting and whatnot and we became friends again. My co-worker says the new thing he programmed works with stylesheets and that I am going to have to work with them and I got very upset because I prefer tables.

So all day yesterday I worked very hard to combat the stylesheet layout thing without luck because I do not have a book with the most current stylesheet tags in it. Then today I tripped over an article in my Inside Web Design newsletter that explained the very thing I was trying to figure out. Of course, it involved Dreamweaver which I used to be at odds with too. I considered it cheating for losers who couldn’t code, and it, in turn, added superfluous code that confused everyone. But this was then. The new Dreamweaver is super cool and lets me code right in the interface and, as I found out today, add stylesheet sections that work like tables for layout. Plus, I can simplify even further and my page is almost half the size it was when laid out with tables. I am impressed! So now, I will continue with my sample design because I can add it to the portfolio and whatnot.

I think it’s a conspiracy that all these Macromedia products work so well together. Throw in Flash and it blows my mind what one can do given the right incentive…


Apr 11, 2005 – There was a serious lack of buttered popcorn jelly beans in the box I bought this morning.

Jelly Belly’s are my favorite jelly bean and they usually satisfy all sorts of craving without being terribly bad for my diet. I was upset not to have a single buttered popcorn though. Those are nearly my favorite.

Friday night I made the Paprika Chicken which was a big success and there were enough leftovers for dinner the next day. Our Saturday was typical with one added bonus – Frank fixed the bedroom mirror so that Zoe can’t rip it off the wall.

Sunday, Frank went out to Port Jeff to visit his grandmother who is very ill and in the hospital. Initially he didn’t want to trek all the way out there since lately, they haven’t gotten along well. But in the end, it was a very good visit for both of them. Next weekend, we’ll all try to get out there so she can visit with Zoe. While he was out, Zoe and I went to the park and did some grocery shopping for a few last minute items. She took a really long afternoon nap so I made excellent progress on Frank’s blanket while I watched “Run Lola Run”. I am down to my last two balls so it’s off to the yarn store in a few weeks. In order to create a blanket 66″ by 72″, which is roughly big enough to full cover a full/queen size bed, I will need 24 balls of chenille total. It currently measures 5’5″ by 12″ and I’ve used 4 balls up. I emailed the company who makes the yarn because since I need about 2 dozen more, it would be nice to pay wholesale prices. Anyway, the dark green and beige color combo is quite stunning and the chunky chenille is super soft.

I also started to make my sister a bear. Not sure how that is going to work out but I figure three-dimentional is the next step since up to this point, I have only made blankets and doileys. Just in case it comes out like night of the living dead, I am working on a blanket for her as well. It’s made using straight-forward double-crochet squares so that’s my portable project du jour. I’m using Bernat Baby Coordinates which is a sport weight, rippled yarn with a satin thread going through it. That’s going to be light green, yellow and white. The bear is going to be of the light green.

I made meatballs, German potato salad and green beans for dinner which came out very good. I’m starting to become a decent cook – thank you Everyday Food! There was enough left over for three lunches. Wouldn’t you know? I forgot to bring it with me. Crap, I’ll have to have pizza instead and I really would have rather had the leftovers. Frank did remember to take his with him so I am jealous. Maybe I will go all out and get Taco Bell.

I wasn’t writing about it since my cousin might read it but my sister said she just told my cousin and since no one else in the fam reads this, I feel compeled to finally tell everyone that my sister is pregnant. Whew! It’s good to get it off my chest. It’s a less than idea situation since the father, we’re calling him S.D. for sperm donor, lacks the responsibility to be properly involved. He would, like, want to. And that’s it. He wants to be involved. He doesn’t say how or what he’s going to do to become involved. Since he found out, he hasn’t made any attempt to come to NY to see her and apparently freaks out when she mentions the baby. Yup, he’s a loser.

Anyway, she is holding up ok and is actually very excited about the baby. I get to be an aunt and get a little baby fix without having to have another one myself. And Zoe get’s a cousin who lives really close. She’s due in October. Fortunately I still have most of my baby gear so she’ll get to use that.

So, yes, I am making her baby a blanket which is why it’s light green and yellow. She thinks it is going to be a boy so I wanted gender neutral colors just in case she is wrong although Frank and I were right on target about Zoe being a girl.

There was so much drama in the beginning. Many of her friends thought she was nuts for going through with the pregnancy and to be honest if I was her I wouldn’t have. She is incapable of taking care of herself financially and had just started going back to school. Not the right time to have a baby at all. But my sister is absolutely opposed to abortion so there you go. Doesn’t hurt that my mom is in a position to really help her and has the spare apartment. Frank and I were minorly concerned that with my mom helping her out, we would really have to fend for ourselves and we’re not entirely financially steady either. I was a little upset that due to her poor birth control techniques, we would be put in jeopardy when we had been planning and discussing for months before we had Zoe and were assured of whatever help we needed. But God always makes sure things work out and with Frank’s raise, we’re doing ok.


Apr 8, 2005 – The end of a short week.

I had a decent few days off. Zoe is under the weather so I took Wednesday off so she should have nice long naps and some downtime. Daycare is wonderful but with all the excitement of being around the other kids, I don’t think she rests as much as she should. Waiting in the mail was my DMC mentor pack which I am so excited to get. Now I just have to organize the website and get classes going.

Yesterday, we went to IKEA after dropping Frank off at the DMV so he could take his inspector’s license test. He passed! Zoe and I had a wonderful breakfast because although IKEA wasn’t quite open yet, they were serving breakfast. She was such a good girl and very patient while I picked up some items for the apartment. From there we headed back to Queens to Fabric Bonanza. That store has gone down since I worked there. Despite being cluttered and mediocre in variety, I did get some wonderful yarns for both my sister’s baby blanket and a long awaited for chenille blanket for Frank. I created a pattern for the blanket I’m doing for my sister which is downloadable in the To Do section of the website. Our final destination before picking up Frank was Target. All in all I spent too much money but we needed everything.

After we got home, we brought Zoe to the park for a little while. She tripped and got a bloody nose, which didn’t slow her down in the least. I barely cleaned her up when she was off and running again. Frank and I are committed to keeping her on the padded areas but it’s hard because she gets quicker every day. We ended our night with Thai food and The Village, which was a really great movie and not what I expected at all, which is nice in a film.

It’s nice to come back to work on a Friday and know that I have another two days off with the family. We don’t have anything in particular planned other than laundry.

So, it’s 3 o’clock on a Friday afternoon and I’ve finished every possible bit of work and now I am bored to pieces. I would love to continue work on a blanket I am making for my sister but I haven’t the privacy to crochet while I’m supposed to be actually doing work. At least my trusty Movie Soundtrack channel is keeping me happy. Anyway, this afghan pattern is something I based on another blanket I saw but I’m making it a little different being that I had to guess on a few things. Hopefully she likes it and my hands don’t give way before I get to finish. I don’t like working in pastels and white but it’s the thing. So aggrevating because I could have an entire row done in this time that I am forced to pussyfoot until the clock runs down.

Tonight’s kitchen fun will include Paprika Chicken. I felt lukewarm about the southwestern meatloaf burgers and polenta stuffed peppers and since they both took over an hour to cook, it is unlikely I will make that again. I can make BBQ’d burgers with the same result in half the time. And if I make the peppers again, I’ll stuff them with meat first to give it a little variety and to make it one all inclusive meal. Paprika Chicken seems like it’s going to take a little less time. I’m going to team this with orange glazed carrots. One of these days, I am going to take all the recipes I like and put them into a book so everything is organized. For now, at least the little books don’t take up a whole lotta space.


Apr 4, 2005 – A major accomplishment and the end of an era.

I got our taxes done. I sent out the envelopes with today’s mail. I am not going to get taken away by the IRS which is a relief. Next year I have an accountant do them. I am finished with self tax-form filling out. Things are tricky with a little one now and even though I filled out the paper work without too many problems, I feel like I should be claiming itemized deductions but who knows what and how much that can be. So off to the accountant I go. Let him worry about it. I noticed a new internet purchase tax section in which they asked what I’d bought online last year. Of course I don’t remember this. It’s not like I took notes because I didn’t know I’d be quizzed on which items I didn’t pay tax on. I hope 35$ covers whatever it was. Next year this will all be the accountant’s headache.

Saturday we went to the Auto Show at the Javitz. We had a very nice family outing despite the horrible weather. Frank bounced from car to car which I had baby duty. It was a little stressful trying to keep everyone from whacking Zoe in the face with their bags. Next year I use the Kelty although she will be big enough to just roam. She loved crawling around in the cars and especially like getting behind the wheel of a Honda Element. I had a few cars I wanted to check out. My synopsis… 1) The Toyota Prius is like a coffin. Small on the outside and even smaller on the inside. I swear it was closing in on me as I sat there. Disappointing since I liked that one from the outside and liked that it was hybrid. The Scion xA is extremely cute although a little small for what we now need in a car. I loved the Mini. I want a

Mini. Even people walking by were commenting on how I looked like I just belonged in there. Of course my Mini days were over the minute Zoe happened. There is ample room in the back for a car seat and assorted gear for day trips though. I also like the Ford Focus which is great but also a little small. The winner was the Honda Element. Something about this I really like. I was super impressed with the versatility of the interior components. I could see clearly from the drivers seat. It had plenty of room for us, Zoe and a whole lotta IKEA. It’s the kind of vehicle that would grow with us if we decide to have another child. After poking around, even Frank was impressed. The only issue I had was the non-hybrid status. With rising gas prices and whatnot I just feel a hybrid is the only economical way to go. But with the Civic and Prelude both

being offered in hybrid, perhaps the Element isn’t far behind.

Sunday we just relaxed. Frank fixed the toilet seat and the drawer in the kitchen, which doesn’t work but at least looks better. I changed all the linens to the spring/summer patterns and did some laundry. I am determined to will spring into existance with creative housekeeping. We wanted to take Zoe to the park but the weather was just too crappy which is a shame because we are all so antsy for the outdoors. I got back on the cooking wagon with a lovely apricot glazed pork tenderloin which came out very nice and looked just like the picture in Everyday Food. Along with paprika corn it was very satisfying. No leftovers so tonight it’s something new – quiche or bust!


Apr 1, 2005 –

I hate when you get to the end of your Friday and you don’t have anything to do so you are basically clock watching until 5 when you can leave because you actually got in on time. For some reason I am extra tired of work this week even though nothing happened that was horrible and it was only a four day week for me. Sometimes I just don’t want to be here and with ten minutes to go, this is like purgatory.

Tomorrow, we’re going to get an early start and go to the Auto Show. I was hoping some others would join us but everyone is busy. It should be fun to watch Zoe climb around in the cars. I’m specifically going to check out the Toyota Prius. I saw one yesterday on the street that was very cute. Plus no one can argue with good gas mileage. Of course, not sure if Frank can work on a hybrid and I might throw all my savings out because I’ll have to pay someone to fix it should it break. Frank plans on spending the better part of the day oogling BMWs and the sport types.

Sunday is tax day. Taxes remind me of endlessly boring accounting classes so I don’t like doing them. However, not paying an accountant because I took classes in “tax-speak” and can actually understand what they’re talking about is somewhat rewarding. With a week to go, even if I can’t do them myself this year, I still have time to go to the accountant. Frank has promised to watch Zoe since I’ll need several hours of unbroken concentration. I might even go to Starbucks where I can drown my fiscal sorrows in a Caramel Frappachino.


Mar 31, 2005 – I am addicted as of late.

In order to drown out the person who sits on the otherside of my cubical wall, the very same lady who I have complained quite a bit about because she is more than quite a bit annoying… Ooo I digress. I started to listen to Live365 again but found that my normal music distracts me. Since music is so influential on me, I need good working music that promotes creative web design happiness. Enter the movie soundtrack channel. Who-hoo!! Now I can drown out that auspcious co-worker while part of my brain relives various movies and the other actually gets work done because I am not distracted by talk of lunchtime outtings to SYMS (for the educated consumer) and Strawberry (have you shopped today?) punctuated by phone conversations I’m sure everyone on the floor can hear about who is and is not going to choir practice. Blech.

I also hopped back on the Fresh Direct and Everyday Food wagon. That’s right; back to cooking. The nice thing about shopping via Fresh Direct is that I can get all the shopping for the week done during one lunch hour and I don’t buy any impulse items because I can only get what’s on my list. This alone is saving me money. Crap… just remembered that we needed bread. Everything will arrive at my apartment sometime between 6 and 8 pm. I no longer need to spend my valuable post-work Zoe quality time going to the market. On the menu is something involving a pork tenderloin, quiche, (crap forgot broccoli too) and chicken breasts. And bonus, someone else carries it up the stairs for the low, low fee of $4.75. Going forward, I must remember to make a more efficient list.


Mar 30, 2005 – Random things on a random day.

I forgot to mention it the other day but Frank and I finally got around to watching the season finale of Carnivalé. I didn’t see how there could be another season but they managed to write in a twist that will need at least another several hours to explain. There are few things on television that I like, aside from design shows. Mostly, I find programming to be utterly stupid and I won’t even let Zoe watch most of it. But this show is captivating and artistically beautiful, especially the opening credits which I never get tired of watching. I hope season three comes sooner than season two which was over a year in the making.

The very nice mailroom guy just installed my new keyboard holder which is actually holding my mouse because both do not fit on the surface so I had to pick one over the other and since I mouse more than I type I put my mouse there but why do I have to choose? Who doesn’t use a mouse and a keyboard these days? Why in the world is the tray only big enough for a keyboard? Looks like someone failed their ergonomics class in design school. As it is, the set up is retarded and I am not pleased. But such is life. My nice boss is going to try to find a solution.

Zoe has started to say Fish. It sounds a little like Dish but she clearly says it when she sees a fish or a picture of a fish. Problem is that now everything is fish this and fish that. We’re working out the details.


Mar 29, 2005 – No matter how many times…

This almost isn’t fit for public consumption since I am so cranky. The boss says to me that they’ve reviewed the design and we have to meet to discuss it which, he informs me, will involve some brainstorming on my part. In other words, make it ugly. I know it’s coming. I can sense it and I hate this part of the process because no matter how hard I try, they still find a way to make things as aethetically unpleasing as possible. I must remind myself that the headhunter is only a call away and with any art job, it’s about finding a company with which you fit artistically. My hands are also killing me. Only one more week until I see the doctor and get my much needed referal to the nuerosurgeon.

I od’ed on sugar on Easter so I am cranky as I return to my no dessert regimine. Blech! Is being a size 6 really worth it? I have an especially sexy set of underware that says yes it is and stop your complaining.

No photos but we got some adorable video of Zoe’s first easter egg hunt. Actually it was more like gathering as we didn’t hide the eggs but rather just dropped them all over the place. She didn’t miss a beat as she picked up each egg and dropped it into her special Peep basket. It paid off to practice in the living room this past week.

Yesterday Frank lost his glasses so we had to spend a good part of the day setting him up with new ones. $200 later, he should be all set by this evening. It was nice to have an extra day together but the weather was so awful. We all took a long afternoon nap together which was so nice since I am beyond exhausted lately. And for no reason since Zoe is sleeping wonderfully and I am getting about 7 hours of sleep a night.

Perhaps it is the weather as well as the lack of dessert. I don’t think I mind the rainy, gray days but maybe subconsciencely I do. On Saturday, we met with the GothParenting group and had a wonderful time at the Sony Wonderlab and in Central Park. The photos, which are not up yet, came out so fabulous because on a gray day, any color just stands out.


Mar 24, 2005 – What is it with these people?

Everyone know the key to having a good website is to keep is simple and concise. So I deliver that. What do I get today? A list of topics that is convaluted and wordy. To boot, there are too many for a nice clean navigation and with one having three letters and the longest 32, you can just see how that’s going to look. Sigh… I should start with a new version now just so I can try to work this out. Additionally I don’t get to find out what the actualy topics are going to be for a month which puts my design on hold until then. Then I know it’s going to be rush, rush, rush. So annoying.


Mar 23, 2005 – You know those little Zoloft blobs? They’re cute!

Something about what looks like a marshmellow with personality just gets to me. I would totaly buy a Zoloft blob if I could. They are so round and yet delightfully shapeless and squwishy looking. And they have personalities. Ok, sometimes they get depressed but not every blob is depressed. I decided to create a rendition of our family as Zoloft blobs.

I told the bosses about my new design so we’ll see what they say. It is such a departure from the eternally stuffy things they do here. Stuffy should be the company’s motto. Normally there is a committee of people in charge of product design but here there is just one person and he is, well, honestly, less than inspired. If it doesn’t go over well, than I get to contact the headhunter. If they like it, than I get to add something new to my portfolio. Whoo-hoo.


Mar 22, 2005 – You know it’s spring when the azalea’s show up in your office building’s lobby.

Funny, I didn’t notice when I got here this morning, but as I left for lunch, there was a definite azalea presence in the lobby. Ahhhh spring is here. My mom said the azalea’s were in full bloom the day she brought me home from the hospital. So, like a true spring baby, I always associate them with my birthday and being happy, in general. I like spring. But only when after winter. I like to watch the trees bud and bloom. I try to point this out to Zoe, who walked to daycare this morning, that the trees will turn green soon which will mean we can start going to the park.

I’ve reached a new plateau in my design for work, that they will only hate anyway so I am bored again. Combine this with early mornings (5:30 am) with Zoe and a new low-sugar diet, I am fading fast. I decided to have an outing to Barnes and Noble for lunch since I already ate my food at my desk. I looked through 12 books about interior design and have come to the conclusion that there is no way I can be sure that the colors I choose for the apartment will work out. I just have to take a leap of faith and trust that I am not color blind. I mean, does anyone ever know? It’s really pot luck. At least, I won’t be responsible for messing someone else’s apartment up.

Still, I wish I could find one example of what I want to do. I was looking through a book with interiors from Tuscany and thought they were close to what I want. This was only eclipsed by a book with design schemes from New Orleans and I just about drooled on the book. I like european antique salvage or, as I like to call it, “They Brought It With Them.” And not the strange things my grandparents brought with them in the 50s but rather pre-America “They Brought It With Them” style. I also like asian fabrics and colors. Throw in some gothic revival furniture in small, simplified doses and voila. I end up wondering if I will just have to learn how to do it myself. And in any case, I have to alter this to fit my budget (garage sale) and the pre-existing IKEA wonderland.

As 4 pm draws near I am waiting for my second wind. I scheduled an appointment to see the neurologist about my carpel-tunnel. It’s been a week and still no word about whether or not I am getting a special keyboard arrangement. If I need surgery, because it really is getting quite bad, I won’t regret spending weeks away from work. Serves them right. At the very least, I should get one of those roll-less mice. Someone else had it and there was nothing wrong with their hands. I also made an appointment to have Zoe looked at by a nose, ear, throat person so we can find out why she gets so many ear infections. I hope it isn’t anything too serious.


Mar 21, 2005 – I did it. And it was hard.

Saturday we cleaned and did laundry. The people were nice enough to stay 15 minutes past closing so we could laundry our items. I love going to the same place for six years.

Sunday’s bridal party outing went very well. I think I managed to make it through the entire day without pissing anyone of. It’s so hard with girls because… well I’m more at ease with 30 guys because I’m just that way. Strange since I am not a tomboy or anything. Go figure. After a long drive, but with very good company, we arrived at an interesting type country inn with charming circa 1980’s mauve delux decor. It overlooked a beautiful lake that was covered in mist and ice creating a monocromatic vista which was extremely serene. The brunch was very enjoyable and I made friends with our fellow table mates. One chicka grew up not too far from where I did in Bayside and went to St. Francis, although I would have been a senior when she was a freshman if I had stayed. Small world. We reminiscened about the perverted music teachers. The other was
a newly pregnant woman who was very happy to chat about pregnancy, birth and being a mommy which was nice. I passed on tidbits I wish someone whould have told me and exchanged business cards which is only the second time I’ve given one out. Everyone was actually very nice and the afternoon was a pleasure. Afterwards we crashed the couple’s apartment and I got to meet their adorable ferret Einstein. I hadn’t seen my friend since she left us several months ago. I miss her a lot and it was really good to see her. Sometimes you worry when people get married and sometimes you are amazed how right two people are for each other.

Unfortunately Frank and I won’t get to go to the wedding because, after adding up costs, we just wouldn’t be able to swing a weekend in NOLA. $600 just for lodging and transportation. Ouch!

Zoe enjoyed a special Daddy-daughter day. Frank was going to take her on a Staten Island ferry ride but the weather was too crappy. Instead they spent the afternoon visiting friends. She and Frank were waiting at Buddy’s Burritos when I got back into the ‘hood after the shower. I don’t know why I didn’t eat more than a donut and a few peices of melon at the shower but by the time I got home I was famished. For some reason, it wasn’t as good as it has been but I was so hungry I ate it anyway. We watched the Dragon special on Animal Planet which was very cool. Part of us wants to believe. We both love dragons, which is easy to do when they’re not making off with our livestock. One of these days we will get the dragon tattoos we’ve been thinking about for years.


Mar 16, 2005 – A freaky mother’s joy.

Not that I am going to influence Zoe in any way because I want her to be herself even if it is a conservative republican type. As long as she makes her life choices because of what she feels and believes, that is fine with me. But this morning, she did the cutest thing ever.

Seems she likes my shoes. This is after she has already become very attached to her KinderGoths and her new Doom kitty our friend Thomas got her. I was getting other things ready and didn’t notice she had my shoes on until she started to walk around in them. All things considered, she did very well and didn’t trip even though she cautiously held on to the table. Good girl! Mommy is so proud.

After flip-flopping around about the painting thing, Frank has insisted that we do something about it. After getting my color book, I am now convinced that pumpkin orange is not going to go with our couch color but rather a sort of rusty tomato. I did a mock up in photoshop and lo and behold, it works. We’re fighting about how dark to make the bedroom now. Why is it such a dilema? Of course, the wrong color can ruin your entire mood so there.

I am done enough with my work project that I am ready to have an initial viewing. Wish me luck even though they are going to hate it and make me make something ugly of it because that’s how it always goes. This place is entirely stifling.


Mar 15, 2005 – It’s Tuesday, I’m back at work, and don’t you know it, already annoyed.

I didn’t know this, but the chatterboxes in my office are experts on who is the more atttactive Bruce Willis/Demi Moore child. Of course, doesn’t matter since they have weird names and we all know eccentric people are weirdos and not fit to live on the same planet with the likes of my esteemed officemate. Do I need to remind everyone whose daughter has been arrested? Some people should just keep their mouths shut. I could say something but I’m technically eavesdropping even though I can’t help it since they are so goddam loud.

The weekend was good. Spent Sunday out at Frank’s sister’s place where Zoe has a wonderful time running around with Trent. I wish we lived closer. Family is so important. Trent totally wore her out so I had a nice break during her two hour afternoon nap. Frank got to spend time with his dad who is feeling a whole lot better. I noticed there were no smoking breaks which is a good thing. It’s really a matter of changing your lifestyle. Since no one is smoking, I don’t think they even notice. We’re waiting on a cat-scan to see how he’s really doing. Hopefully it’s ok because Frank is running out of parents.

I had my special health exam spa day yesterday. I spent two hours wearing comfy scrubs and getting checked out. I’m fine except for the carpal tunnel. So off to the neurologist I go. Meanwhile my boss is seeing if they can make my workstation more comfortable. It’s getting worse and worse. Now my hands hurt even if I’m writing something. It’s increasingly annoying. The good news is that my eyes are ok. I don’t need glasses. Since my sister and mom both wear them, I’m happy to be able to avoid it for a few more years even though Frank thinks I need glasses just because he thinks I look cute in them.

Afterwards I had a nice shopping spree at H&M where I enjoyed some selfish me time and bought myself some new clothes! Miracle of miracles, I found a spring coat that is both flattering and perfect for mommy duty. I also got a new black blouse and some sort of nuetral brown shade work pants and fancy matching dainties. Things were on sale so it’s only partially guilty and black shirts never stay black for long. And I didn’t pick up Zoe early either. I took the rest of the afternoon to fold laundry and relax. I’m torn when I have an opportunity to spend extra time with her but this time, which has been almost the first, I opted to just relax on my own taking the entire time off.

I finished my annoying projects for the day so I am going to spend the rest of the afternoon on my new design project for work that they are only going to hate anyway but will look nice in my portfolio so there.


Mar 10, 2005 – A little funny movie.

I’m still working like a maniac. I spent an extra two and a half hours last night at home working on work-related things. I am spending another day listening to the chatterboxes. Today’s topics include how to buy a Metrocard with your Transitchek. There is some puzzlement on how to buy a 76$ card with 80$ of chek. I’m putting on the earphones now… Ahhh. That’s better.

At least the weekend approaches. Unfortuntely it’s colder than hell. We’re going to visit Frank’s sister on Sunday which should be fun. Her oldest is having a little birthday lunch.

This link will open a little mpg of Zoe dancing at her friend’s birthday party. It’s the funniest thing and she’s getting better and better at it. Yesterday morning I caught her making Bard, the baby einstein puppet, dance to “row row row your boat” which was really the funniest thing. Every day I love her more even if she fusses while I try to dress her which is really annoying. I can’t wait for the summer when I will only have to get one layer on. Trying to get a coat on her is downright comic. And what do you do when she only wants to wear her mittens and hat inside the apartment? Patience, thy name is mother.


Mar 8, 2005 – So busy… Ok, I lied. I do need to purge some thoughts.

Very quick. Zoe has learned how to do her puzzle. If you give her one piece at a time, she can put it in the correct spot. Zoe has also learned how to play catch. She has also learned that if she drags things, the cats will come to her. Unfortunately, for them, she has also learned that they can be picked up. We’re now supervising all cat/Zoe interaction. The good news is that they are all, even Baxter, handling the new challenge well.

Otherwise no new news. Work is insane but in a good way. I am flashing big time now. Just means I have too much to do during the day and journaling is taking a slight backseat.

Sometimes you just have to rant or else you find that homicide is the only solution that readily comes to your mind.

Never fails, every day, some moron waits until they are in the turnstile to get their metrocard out of their bag. I have to wonder, did they not realize as they were walking to the station that they would need the very metrocard that they had in their bag to get to work. I’m not talking about hapless tourists here. I have infinite patience for them. As well as those who are ready and swipe only to be met with some sort of malfunction or that horrid “insufficient funds” message generated from the depths of MTA computing hell. No, no. It’s those who know better and take the train every day and therefore should know you need to swipe or you’re not getting anywhere. Here is a novel concept. Have the card in your pocket or hold it or get one of those holder things that go around your neck or even stand to the side before you get in line for the turnstile if you must wait until the last moment but please do not fish through your bag for your card while you are in the jaws of the turnstile with a line of people accruing behind you.

My next annoyance of late is about my workplace. I love my job. It’s challenging and fun. Plus it’s a really relaxed atmosphere where I can leave at 5 everyday and if I come in 30 minutes late, I can stay to make up the time and no one comes down on me. So far I haven’t become web page jockey so all is well there. Anyhoo, everything was fine until I moved to my new cubical. Not only can anyone just come by and sneak up behind me and see what I’m doing but I sit within close proximity to two of the most talkative people I’ve ever met. All day long, they chat back and forth, talking about everything but work. Syms is having a sale. Last nights dinner went without being put away in the fridge and went bad. My daughter has been arrested. My church is having a bake sale and so forth. One of these people is a real sweetheart. The other is… well… to put it plainly, a bitch. She has such an air of superiority that I just want to go over and stab her in the thigh. She is course and opinionated. She says the most rude and callous things to the other woman which I can’t believe she just takes but the aforementioned person is very sweet so there you go. This is a woman who is not smart, beautiful or talented enough to get even close to justifying her attitude. All I can think of is that no one has ever put her in her place so she has just become spoiled and thinks she can get away with this. I am lucky to get a half hour of silence a day. I keep forgetting to wear earphones but I think it’s becoming neccessary for my sanity. The idea of a ball gag has come to mind, along with duct tape. Things could get nasty if I let my mind wander. On the up side, I do not work with this person and my contact with her is limited to sharing a cubical wall.


Mar 3, 2005 – Another long day which is not even over yet.

This week has been something hairy here at the office. It’s so entirely busy that I am not getting any quality time with my flash project. This is making me exceedingly cranky. So, after I do one more thing, I am going to go to the bathroom and spend the rest of the afternoon, what’s left of it, on flash. I remembered my notes so now I can make rain for the music section flash.

Otherwise everything else is ok. No news about anything else. I love quiet weeks like this.


Mar 1, 2005 – It is pretty in the city.

Or at least in the hood. Our neighborhood is the quintescential postcard of wintry goodness. There is just a wonderful frosting of snow on all the trees and architectural tidbits on all the brownstones. And it wasn’t all that cold and not at all windy so our morning walk was beyond pleasant. I am very sorry sometimes to not carry the camera with me at all times because I would have liked to get a picture. Perhaps there will still be some tomorrow.

I am thinking about leaving early today since everyone else is out and I want to get to day care a little early so I can show them Zoe’s new dance routine. If I didn’t have tons of dishes to wash, we could take the mpg tonight but alas, wash I must.

I am starting on the new flash version on my music section of zansite today using some of the new snazzy skills I learned in my flash class. If I’m quiet, that’s why.


Feb 28, 2005 – It’s snowing!

I don’t mind the snow too much. Hopefully after work tomorrow, we can take Zoe out sledding again. Snow is infinitely more fun with a toddler. Meanwhile my boss gave us the go-ahead to leave early which, since Frank is home sick with what is probably food poisoning, I’ll take advantage of.

My flash class was just plain awesome. I am so excited to try out new things. Stay tuned for the new and improved zansite with optimized flash goodness. My future as an action scripting godess is secured.

Getting back to work is slightly odd since I got very used to the academic training environment last week. I even missed my stop on the train this morning which is almost as embarrasing as having refering to Flatbush Ave as a Blvd earlier this past weeekend. Oh the shame of it all!

Frank and I did a kick ass job on cleaning the entire apartment. Every couple of months one just has to scrub from ceiling to floor really, really well. I still think we have too much stuff. I am itching for a yard sale. April is the month. Any longer and I am going to go nuts. We’re both tired of tripping over crap. Zoe’s many millions of toys are, of course, not included in the general crap catagory but they do take up room and therefore we must remove ever so much more of our own crap to make room for her things. After buying her a MegaBlocks pirate ship we’ve decided that she is getting no more until her birthday. It’s just so easy to get her things.


Feb 24, 2005 – My flash class rocks!

Greeting from the technolically advancing front. My flash class is completely awesome. I’m learning all sorts of mad cool action scripting. I’m going to try out some ideas here at home for practice and to avoid cleaning the dishes. Frank will have time, inbetween Grand Turismo races to do dishes.

During my lunch break I stopped in at Pearl River and bought Zoe the cutest shoes ever. I’ll have to post a picture next week when I get back to the office.

Ok. Off to do flash madness.


Feb 22, 2005 – It’s going to be a light week.

Aside from what I write at home, I probably won’t make too many entries this week since I have training for the rest of the week. Our weekend was good. We spent Sunday driving out to Long Island to visit with Frank’s dad. He seems to not be smoking and the apartment didn’t smell like smoke so we’re hoping perhaps he’s given it up. He looks ok but has a horrible cough. The doctors are pretty sure that he has lung cancer. He’s fighting them on it but cancer is the sort of thing you can’t fight. The sooner he accepts it and gets treatment, the better. If he thinks he can pretend it’s not there it will only hurt him in the end. Frank has almost quit himself. If I ever see Zoe smoke, I’ll kill her. I don’t get it. Why would someone voluntarily give themselves cancer or emphazema? Why would anyone make themselves sick on purpose?

Yesterday, Zoe and I spent a day with my Mom. I wish we lived closer becaue the drive from Brooklyn to Queens, which I made since Frank opted to stay home, is so annoying. My mom’s windshield whipers make everything blurry so that was fun. I used to like driving and be a decent driver. Now I feel so at odds with myself behind the wheel. I think what I need is practice. Zoe decided she didn’t want to nap all that much so it was a very tiring day. Then, when I got home, Frank was supposed to have cleaned the entire apartment since he was home alone all day but he left out some tasks so I had a little work left to do when I got home. I am so tired right now I could pass out right at my desk. Even typing this short blog is so difficult. I think some sort of candy is in order. Sugar, sugar, sugar…

I bought the new Home and Garden magazine this month which is all about color. Also my Mom had another such magazine, also about color. I’ve decided exactly what colors to use. Convienently, one of the featured designs used all three colors I want to use so all I have to do is bring the magazine to the store and viola! Mission accomplished. I will be so happy after we paint. No more cracks in the walls. No more peeling paint on the window sill. No more scratches because of cheap arse paint. A lot of what we have lurking about is going to be packed away nicely and used when we get a bigger place. I just think, for a place so small, we still have too much out and about. It hurts my head and I can’t keep up with the cleaning anyway.


Feb 17, 2005 – I can’t believe I got my professional site done in a week.

I can’t send prospective employers to my personal site. This is a bad idea. Way too much personal information floating around for people to know about things I’d rather not have them know about. Yet, I need a presence on the web showcasing my work. So, now there is a new and improved zansite/professional version 1.2 which I hope will work out ok. Needless to say, I’ve been busy.

I also had to wrap up that project I was working on that I hated. I expressed my concerns/complaints whatever, to the head boss and he assured me that I am not destined to become a glorified page jockey. He also wanted to see some of my ideas for the project had I been involved early on. It’s not like I want to be totally in charge. I don’t. But I want to be involved even if my ideas get shot down. If nothing else, ideas they reject here, are still great for my portfolio.

Otherwise all is well. This week has been all about work.


Feb 14, 2005 – Today is the first day of the rest of my career.

I am contacting the headhunter pronto. I am not the type of person who complains about things. I am going to solve my dilemma with my job by simply getting a new one. One, where I will be challenged and have an opportunity to grow in my career. One, where I will be given room to actually express myself and have my designs given some sort of serious consideration. I feel better already. I will miss the people here. I get to call some of the nicest people workmates but it isn’t enough to merit ruining my career.


Feb 14, 2005 – Yup, back to normal and exceedingly annoying.

I am so annoyed at this entire work project. For three years it’s been about pulling everything together. Making one streamlined and cohesive presence. Now we’re making these random brochure-ware pages that in all honesty suck. I have had absolutely no creative say what-so-ever and I am burning mad about it. I told everyone last year that I didn’t want to become someone else’s pawn and I was willing to take classes and work with other people and whatever needed to further my credibility and thus be in a situation where I could be a contributing part of project development to keep that from happening. But what has happened? Just that. This could be a singular project so I won’t say anything yet, which is going to be hard because I am fairly upset. But if this happens again, and I am dictated then I am going to have words. Even though this is a comfy place to work, it may be neccessary for my career to start looking elsewhere for a position in which I am given more creative license and responsibility.

Then again, I have my own website to express myself on. I have my music. I could wile away time here until I can just quit working all together. Perhaps the cross-stitch thing will take off and I can do that full time? I can just show up, do my work and not care too much. I can become status quo and here is a nice place in which to do so. After all my bills are getting paid so what do I care? If it wasn’t for my pride…


Feb 14, 2005 – Hopefully it’s back to normal.

It has been an insane week and a half but I think we’re finally through it and will happily get into some sort of routine. Early last week, actually Tuesday morning, on the 4 train going into work at the Union Square stop, I started to feel horrible. I couldn’t figure it out since I didn’t feel sick, really, but I had a severe headache and nausea. By the time I got to work I was spending half the time in the bathroom hoping to throw up and just get it over with but I didn’t. I was in vomiting limbo. At 2pm, Frank came to my work so he could escort me home. I barely made it out of the elevator when I had to sit on the floor in my office building’s lobby. With his help, and a nice walk in the fresh air to Grand Central, I made it home. We didn’t get Zoe so that I could have a nice nap. So weird to be at home without her. So quiet.

When we picked her up, they told us that she had been really cranky and wasn’t feeling well. This is after last week when I had to take days off because she was barfing. Wednesday, I made her an appointment at the doctor’s. Problem was, that I still felt horrible myself. I decided not to take my birth control pill since I thought it would compound my feeling crappy. My sister came to the rescue and took us to the doctor’s office. Turns out, she has yet another ear infection. I’m getting annoyed because it’s becoming epidemic for her and I hate seeing her sick. The doctor, not our usual one, asks if we feed her in bed laying down, which we do. She told us that drinking laying down is contributing to the frequency of the infections. We got some
antibiotics and armed with this new knowledge, we felt a little better. By the time I got home, I was feeling better myself and craving fried chicken. By the evening, I felt like myself again. I decided to take a pill at night a see if it didn’t help the situation. I really do want to be able to take the pill because it’s easy and married people shouldn’t have to fight with condoms. I mean, it’s a benefit of marriage not to have to worry about STDs and whatnot and have seemingly free-sex. We also do not want another baby so soon. Sure enough, taking the pill at night works out well. I spoke with my doctor on Thursday and she confirmed that taking the pill at night, with a full meal would improve the situation. Today I feel great. Just like my old self again. We’re both happy the pill is working out. Thursday, I dropped Zoe off at day care. The antibiotics and a decongestant make her one happy little girl. She is in a great mood, not barfing and sleeping the entire night. Her appetite also has improved. I really sucks to watch your child in discomfort. We’re happy she is better.

On top of this, the on-going drama with my family reached an all time pinnacle. I got a little involved and it really stressed me out. It’s true that drama and pessimism is very catching and for an optimist, can be just as bad a getting the flu. By Friday, I had pretty much finished dealing with things related to this issue and felt better about that as well. Unfortunately, it isn’t the only thing going on. Frank’s dad was limited to the hospital. He has emphysema but still smokes. He is missing part of his lung, but still smokes. He just isn’t taking care of himself in general and it’s finally catching up with him. No matter how much we nag and plead, he won’t quit. Finally he gave up and into the hospital he went. The good news, is that he feels better now that they are taking care of him and he isn’t smoking. The bad news is we aren’t sure what sort of situation the tests are going to reveal. We are all very nervous. Frank is
handling things very bravely, but he is extremely worried about his father. Should he need care, we might change our moving plans and choose somewhere closer. Family is very important to us and we gladly go where we’re needed.

Saturday, Frank went out to Long Island with Kelvin and cleaned his father’s apartment up. He hadn’t changed anything since Frank’s mom passed away and things were in a horrible state. Certainly it had become a place for neither him nor his dogs to be living. Now, several hours of hard labor later, it looks much better and quite manly. I have to mention a special thank you to Kelvin who, once again, proves what an invaluable friend he is. I hope we can someday help him as much as he has helped us over the years. I spent Saturday with Zoe. We had a wonderful luncheon with Nina. I love Nina. It’s easy to love someone who is so happy with life. Just being around her lifts my spirits and makes me feel like I am not the only crazy happy person out there. Zoe moved right into her apartment, banged on her piano and turned her stereo on and started dancing. She had a regular party with herself. Nina was very patient as I rearranged her apartment to created a Zoe-safe space and with all the crumbs that Zoe created in her wake. After a ten minute fuss, she took a nice nap
and I got some nice adult quality time with both Nina and her friend Janice. What did we talk about? Babies of course! There is no escape. But, as Zoe is the center of my universe, it’s easy to talk about her and our life together. Afterwards I met up with my sister for a little discount shopping at Filene’s.

Sunday, we had a full day of laundry planned. We decided to do every last piece of dirty laundry. We were pussyfooting because no one wants to do laundry on such a beautiful day, like it was. We decided to rearrange the furniture and perhaps pass some items to my sister. We ended up making a new arrangement that doesn’t look too bad and with which we could keep all of our furniture. All of my sewing stuff fit on and in the old night-tables and Zoe’s changing table is now a nice shelf. It looks a little uncoordinated but it’s only temporary until we get to IKEA for some new pieces. I have isolated the problem areas and now just have to find the right solutions. Frank and I have happily come up with some great ideas which we hope to put into working. Then we managed to get all the laundry done. We let Zoe run around the laundromat. Her favorite thing to do is to stand in front of the dryer and sway back and forth. She hoped from dryer to dryer doing her little dance. It was so cute. While we were waiting for the wash, we went to the park where she chased pigeons around.
At the end of the evening, we had a nice dinner. Zoe had a nice bath and we watch a little TV to unwind. I got up early enough this morning to get the rest of the clothing put away. I have such a happy feeling of accomplishment and the apartment smells like clean laundry – ahhhh. Hopefully this week at work will be pretty good. I am currently fighting a battle with this one project which seems like another case of where I am going to have to made something ugly on purpose.


Feb 7, 2005 – I am finally back at work.

It’s hard to be here at work. I miss Zoe. She is feeling better. A big thank you to those who sent get well messages. She still has a wicked cough but I hope this is the end of it. She has more shots to get but I’m concerned that every time she gets shots, she gets sick and she deserves a break. Then again, if it doesn’t get better, I have to bring her in anyway. I’ll give it a few more days.

After being cooped up in the house for five days, we finally went out yesterday. Our friend Sharon took us to the Museum of Natural History for a wonderful outing. Zoe had a wonderful time running around the museum and we had a nice relaxed afternoon. That museum is just the best for taking kids to since you can use your stroller and there is plenty of room and you can just let the little ones run around because everyone does. The acoustics are such that kids yelling never seems very loud. It is definitely more fun to take her places now that she can explore than before when we had to hold her the entire time.

Otherwise, I am just catching up here. I have finished the basic design for my cross-stitch pattern website and I’m looking forward to purchasing the software and getting the site active. I’ll probably wait until Frank gets finished with school because now our schedule is just too hectic.

We’re dealing with a little personal drama in the family circle. We’re ok, which is nice for a change. It’s times like this when I wished we lived a little closer to everyone. Hopefully everything will work out ok. I have to have faith because someone has to be optimistic.


Jan 31, 2005 – Another month bites the dust.

I had a wonderful weekend catching up on cleaning, laundry, needlepoint and quality time with the pumpkin. Danielle came over for a nice visit and stitching and did me the enormous favor of picking up the missing floss from my collection. I managed to make a decent dent in my new chart although I still have whole lot to go.

Speaking of cross-stitch, I have decided to embark upon an e-commerce adventure. I nosily check out this ex-friend’s blog periodically because it’s entertaining and via her blog, she is actually quite nice although completely hates me in real life for rather unclear reasons. Anyway, she had this artist’s work showcased on her site so I checked out the artists blog and I just fell in love with her work. Then I discovered a program that takes electric art and turns it into cross-stitch charts. So, I got an idea. For very little start-up money, I can sell charts of her art and of mine online. I plan on selling both charts and entire kits, focusing on interesting art that doesn’t look like something your grandmother would stitch up. I especially want to provide something for the freaky creative types to do to help preserve this art and keep it from turning into something simply for the old, cranky ninnies, such as the types I had to deal with at Fabric Bonanza, out there. I also will offer classes in the local area. Point is, I am tired of dealing with snobs, like
those at Stitches East, a supply shop near my work. They are so rude to anyone remotely young which turns people off. It’s so annoying and I hate shopping there until there is no other place to go. At my mom’s area Rag Shop it’s the same thing. The young people working there haven’t a clue and the old buddies are beyond cranky. I am on a mission.

I wore my very cute pirate shoes to work today with my favorite embroidered gray wool skirt and my fitted and embroidered grey shirt. Plus I did up my hair and have red lipstick on so I feel so pretty and aesthetically happy which hasn’t been in a while. I think I might have found my new look.


Jan 27, 2005 – Zoe’s adventure and subsequent barf-fest.

Tuesday we planned a busy day of visiting and whatnot. Christine stayed over the night before. We woke up together. Had a nice leisurely getting ready. It was beyond nice to have an extra pair of hands to help with Zoe in the morning. We got to my work nice and early. I did the small artsy thing I have to do to accompany these intensely important press releases and spent the rest of my time there bringing Zoe around to various departments for visits to my co-workers. She was very well behaved and played a lot of cubical hide-and-seek. We had a very super cute moment in the reception area where Zoe discovered the courtesy phone and started to press the buttons and then put the receiver to her ear, babbling the entire time. I wish I would have had a camera. When am I going to learn the importance of having a camera at every possible moment? From there, we went to Zoe’s doctor. She fell asleep along the way and slept during the entire wait in the waiting room, which is awesome because otherwise she is a handful. The waiting room was filled with newborns which is always fun. Poor Zoe
got three shots and two vials of blood taken. She was not a happy camper but recovered soon after everything was said and done. We then headed to Jenny’s, our favorite bubble tea place for lunch. Zoe made a huge mess with her lunch. She enjoyed a little fried rice before having a nice nap which enabled Christine and I to have a nice relaxed lunch.

We made a pit-stop at Trash and Vaudeville where we bought wonderfully cute pirate platforms. See picture of similar pepto-pink version. They were a very good deal and leather so it’s a worthy splurge. Then we progressed to Mom’s work where she was waiting to show Zoe off to all her co-workers. We had more fun with cubical hide-and-seek. Christine met up with us and we ventured home. Everything was fine until Zoe started to wake up when she’s been so good about sleeping. At 11:30 she barfed all over me. Not the first time, note New Year’s Day, and it won’t be the last. I took off yesterday to see if it was going to flair up into some sort of sickness but it didn’t. I thought I was in the clear until 11:30 last night when she threw up again. Simply lovely! She seemed fine this morning, happy and energetic and ate breakfast no problem so I went into work and she went to daycare. No phone calls from them so I assume she’s ok. I got into work late so I’m still here past my usual time.

Today has been lots of fun. I met with a coworker and got some great ideas for the history time line. I made a mock-up and am really excited to work on the project. The day went really fast, so much that I didn’t take a break to work on my Vermeer stitching. Tomorrow is wear your wig to work day, which should be lots of fun. In many ways this is truly a great place to work. If only I made ever so slightly more money.


Jan 24, 2005 – Snow!!!

We were prepared for the storm and ready to spend a day indoors and only got a little bored during the snowstorm. If my new cross-stitch had come before Friday, I would have been happy indeed, but it didn’t. So, instead of putting the clothing away I played roller coaster tycoon, which was very naughty of me. But, after having gotten more than half way through on the old hard drive, I cannot start over again and I need to work on music anyway so no more of that.

We decided not to go out to meet the other goth parents on Saturday. I was really upset because I have been looking forward to it since I heard about the group about two months ago. But, at about 1 pm the snow started to really come down. We were both happy that we decided to skip it because we would have been coming home in the thick of the storm.

Sunday, we got up early. By 10:30 the snow had stopped and we decided that we needed a couple of things from the store. It was so beautiful outside and no one else was stirring because it’s Sunday and everyone sleeps in, it seems. After this initial test on snowy landscape, we concluded that our baby jogger kicks butt. It navigates huge piles of snow with relative ease and when all else fails, you can use it as a wheelbarrow with even more success. We carried it over the largest piles since it’s not all that heavy on top of being so super awesome in every other aspect.

We thought a sled would be fun for Zoe but all our immediately local shops were sold out. So we ventured over to Fulton Street mall to the ToysRuS. This is normally a half hour walk, but it took us a good deal longer to navigate the snow drifts and avoid mad plowers. We walked mostly in the street which is so surreal to do in New York where the streets are never empty. Unfortunately, ToysRuS was out of sleds, but we had a nice time letting Zoe walk around because the store was entirely void of customers. We did buy her a popper; the type we all had as children, where you walk and the little balls pop inside a plastic dome. It’s noisy which means she absolutely loves it.

On the way home, Zoe fell asleep in the stroller so we took our time walking down Smith Street. More people were out and about by this time since even a blizzard cannot keep the Sunday walkers home. Upon passing this small gift shop, of the asian variety, where they sell everything from luggage to toys to slippers, we saw the cutest sled EVER! in the window and bought it immediately. We decided to go home for lunch before trying out it as well as to get the camera and let Zoe nap.

After lunch and napping, we went back out to try out the sled and to pick up some apples. I find that we do a lot of random shopping since everything is so close. I didn’t think of the apples during the prior outing.

Trying to get to work this morning was horrific since the F and G weren’t running. Everyone had to take the 4/5 which meant my commute was more squished than a fat lady in a pair of too small pantyhose. I got in to work by 9:30 which isn’t bad especially since I arrived more or less in one piece and JOY! my cross-stitch chart was waiting for me in my mailbox! It’s huge so I have my work cut out for me. I’ve never done anything so detailed before but I’m looking forward to it.


Jan 21, 2005 – Some cuteness for my kitchen.

I got my tea kettle – http://www.cb2.com/ – today!!! I am so happy. I am momentarily diverted from my obsession with the regular mail waiting for my cross-stitch chart to come. It’s been fun ordering things online and since everything worked out so well, next year everything will be online for Christmas. Now I have to behave myself and not shop anymore.

I finished The Secret Life of Bees which turned out to be a wonderful book. I was worried a little about my own style but it figures that when writing in first person, you really do use “I” an awful lot. It cannot be avoided and doesn’t necessarily mean it’s bad. Speaking of my own, I thought of a new aspect for my book so I might be rewriting soon. But not while I have music to work on.

I don’t feel like doing any more work but I have stuff to do.


Jan 20, 2005 – Patience is not one of my virtues.

I am getting very antsy waiting for the chart of Girl With A Pearl Earring to come from Cross-Stitch Collectables. It’s the first time I’m ordering a chart from them and I can’t wait to get started. This particular chart has more colors and details than anything I have ever worked on before so I’m excited about the challenge. Plus, I figure making the art will be better than just getting a print of it somewhere. I have the maid pouring a milk pitcher print at home already, which I took down to make room for some photographs which got booted from their spot so that Yoshi could have a kitty-free spot. But I miss it. Perhaps I will hang it back up and bid adieu to the Monet for a little while. Anyway, it seems to be taking forever. The company makes a point of delivering a quality product in a nice case and all, but I would have been just as happy with a pdf download and immediate gratification.

In related news, I finished working up the Japanese print of the lotus flowers. It came out pretty good considering it was my first attempt at creating a piece of work based on a grid overlay of a greeting card I liked. There is a computer program which turns scanned art into charts. I downloaded a free version to try out and if I like it, I might create some charts out of art I like and perhaps even sell the charts in little kits with the aida and floss. In another life, I will own a needlework shop where I can spend all day crocheting and stitching.

Today was not as cold so I wore my hair up again. After having it like this for a little while, to go back to flat hair seems odd-looking. Sooner or later my hair has to grow out. I see the roots coming in so I know it’s growing but it doesn’t seem to be getting any longer.


Jan 18, 2005 – We had a very satisfying long weekend.

We got everything done on the list and still managed to have a good time this weekend. I visited Mom’s and did a lot of laundry. We went to Target and stocked up on toddler food. Frank hung the shelf we bough six months ago and we decorated Zoe’s area. (see photos) Prompted by the “Smell of Death”, Frank and I both cleaned and scrubbed the refrigerator. Frank’s cousin came over for a visit and we purged old clothing and delivered to Goodwill. Although we both got rid of things, Frank was able to empty the two small chests which are now waiting for me to move my sewing things over.

We were going to go as far as removing the changing table and putting the blanket chest back into the bedroom but this is dependent on a trip to IKEA. I have to buy more IVAR so that all the new books we got over the holidays have a place to live. Because the blanket chest is in there now, it won’t really look different than what we have now. Leaving things alone for now, reduced some of the chores we had to do this weekend. Frank also installed this light in the bedroom that’s been waiting to be done for months. It felt incredibly good to get things in order and Frank was really cooperative.

It’s cold. Really cold. I don’t want to complain because it is colder in Massachusetts and I feel like I had better get used to it. I also prefer to be cold that hot so this is ok. Really, it’s all about having the right coat. Mom just ordered a new quilted down coat from LLBean and if it’s a nice coat, maybe I’ll get one too. I like the quilted down coats but they often make the wearer look like the Michelin man or a marshmallow with legs. Since I want to look like neither, I’ve been having a hard time deciding on what sort of coat to get. I’d like something somewhat fitted. Quilted is good. Mandarin collar is good. Mid-calf length is good. I would prefer black. Obviously this is a tall request because I have yet to find such a coat. I want something with classic lines and not too modern looking but I want something warm. Oh well, the hunt continues.


Jan 13, 2005 – Cleaning house and what not.

I bid a’dieu to my blogger brand blog. I can’t be copying and pasting all over the place any longer. I think their format and display is nicer than LJ and the interface is really snazzy but I can’t make friends like I do here. LJ is more functionally friendly and that is what wins out for me. Of course I still copy everything onto Zansite but this I have so I can be friendly with others which is so nice.

Anyway, I should be able to get another few chapters of my sad attempt at a novel posted today. I am thinking that all this chapter by chapter posting is rather Dickins-ish. But it feels good to get it out. I don’t even know if I’m ever going to finish it, or continue with the thread but doesn’t matter. I’ve never written fiction for mass public consumption anyway. Having a real job, with benefits, means I never have to worry about my art paying my bills which means I can do whatever I want which is so liberating.

Speaking of art, I couldn’t sleep yet again last night so I decided to work on music, which is good since I want to have a show in the end of February. First, I couldn’t find the ear phone jack, which pisses me off because I had a beautiful pair of studio earphones with a nice long cord that Frank borrowed and broke, and all the other earphones have short cords because they are for portable device use and I am pissed because those were MINE!! dammit. Grrrr. He has since promised never to use my music stuff again. Anyway, after much searching, I found the adapter for the earphones so I can plug it into my keyboard. I really have to reorganize that area and buy nice sealed bins so the dust doesn’t get into my gear. Then I worked on music for an hour and a half and I was happy. I fell asleep in five minutes and slept well. I am so happy, happy, happy and feel like I will be all set for my next show which will feature half songs from before and at least four new ones. I cannot believe I waited this long to get back into it but with Frank going to sleep early these days, I have at least a hour daily in which to work without distractions.

We discussed the impending apartment redecoration issue and he agreed a bigger bed might be nice. He also agreed to try the curtain room divider idea, which will create a movable room divider. I think with a huge curtain, we won’t have to paint in there. Mostly I don’t want paint fumes where Zoe sleeps. We’re going to stain our blanket chest and get some new IVAR and extend our current IVAR by one more and then stain that so it all matches. These are all minor things which can be done for less than $100, the fabric and curtain rings being the most expensive items. I’m excited and hope to have the project done by the end of February. I will take before and after pictures and post.


Jan 12, 2005 – I am a busy little beaver working away here at work and personal things.

Yup. I have fingers of lightning. I’ve updated the photo galleries with several flash galleries. And I’ve moved some other things around. Busy, busy, busy.

I figured out what it is at home that is driving me crazy and am ready to take the initiative in getting the nest in order. We were going to get a larger bed but Frank says no since it would mean he has to lose two small chests which house some clothing. Honestly, he wears a uniform and doesn’t need more clothing than I have, which he has. There will be a battle which will have to involve some compromise. The smaller bed might be good for now since we are likely going to have a hellish time getting a queen bed up there so perhaps not quite so much compromise.

Next, I am getting the curtain wire from IKEA and hanging a curtain between the bed and Zoe’s area thus creating a pseudo second bedroom. I am taking down most of the art and only hanging specific favorite things up so that it looks less like a comic strip. The trick is to start from scratch. Take everything out of the room and redecorate in a systematic manner. All I need is a long weekend and an empty apt. Also I need to coordinate with my mom because all the surplus is going to her house for a pending yard sale. I can’t wait to get rid of things. Just last night, I sorted out the bottles and put the extra ones in a tin on top of the cabinets and now everything doesn’t fall on me when I open the door and I feel so much better. That’s it really. We have too much stuff. I think I should make a goal of getting rid of 30% of my personal items, which really isn’t a lot to ask since on Clean Sweep (tlc show) they get rid of at least 50%.

I have been getting a lot of compliments on my new hair-style, which is my old hair style worn up. I’ve been wearing my snazzy red lipstick so it’s a rather vintage look. I feel all happy now. Feeling like I am getting into a nice nitch. Yesterday I didn’t fix it up right and in a picture I look like I did in high school which is frightening. I’ll have to take special effort to get it right.


Jan 11, 2005 – It’s been a busy day to say the least.

I caught a bit of Girl With a Pearl Earring last night which has prompted two things. One, I am rereading the book. Two, I’ve added a section on Northern European renaissance and baroque artists to the favorites section. I also added some new flash photo albums which are accessible via links in on the photographs page in the personal section. I’m not sure if I ftp’ed so if they’re not up today, they’ll be up tomorrow.

A workmate is leaving us here to go back to school. She is very cool and I am going to miss working with her and passing her in the corridors. Someone snapped a cool artsy shot of my shoes that makes me almost want to redesign the website based on it but not quite. Also I was in a picture and I was amazed to notice that with my new hairstyle, I look the exact same as I did in high school. I’ll see if I can get that picture of on the site tomorrow because it is way too late to do it now.

Tomorrow is the day when I post the first chapter from my little book. It’s unfinished but it’s mine to publish when I feel like it so there. Anyone curious can get to it from my website via the writings section.


Jan 10, 2005 – A great big feeling of relief.

I am so relieved to have found a copy of my book here at work as well as some other things I was writing recently. Once edited, they will appear on the website in the writings section. I was so upset on Friday when I realized that they might have been lost in the hard drive replacement fiasco of last year. I would have been extremely upset to have lost several months worth of work.

I had a productive Monday, getting all caught up from last weeks absences. I’m just waiting now for some flashing to transfer to zansite. It’s taking forever. I had hoped the flash would cut down on page load time but I’m not sure it’s going to. Oh well. It’s not my fault picture files are so large.

Yesterday, I got lots of yummy smelling oils from my favorite Arabic smelly-goods store. I was going to try to create a homemade version of my favorite perfume but it’s a lot harder than I thought to get the right mix, even if you know the key scents involved. Oh well. Perhaps for my birthday I will splurge on a new bottle. On a positive note, I got a pair of black pants from Target that actually fit me like woman’s pants. Wonders never cease.


Jan 8, 2005 – I am a victim of mid-winter restlessness.

I can’t sleep. I want to but I can’t. Lately, I am frustrated with everything. I am on the cusp of something, a pivotal moment of change. Something beyond all the hair dying and whatnot. Perhaps turning 30 had more of a subconscious impact on me than I thought. I need to purge my closet and really get rid of those last few pesky things that I am, in all honesty, never going to wear again. I no longer need a multitude of club clothing because I only go out, maybe a dozen times a year. And that isn’t even it really. I feel like my punky days might just well be behind me. Cute no longer feels fun but rather like I’m competing with Zoe which just shouldn’t be, even if it’s not, I feel it and in more cases than not, it is a feeling which let’s you get away with things aesthetically. Do I really want to rebel visually? Do I want my clothes to do all the talking for me? After 15, and probably more, years of fighting the good fight, I wonder if now is the time for another approach.

I’ve always prided myself, internally, on being somewhat immune to outside influences: one who goes to the rhythm of her own keyboard. But I feel the cogs have been set into motion by certain recent exposures. One started as fear of being put on TLC’s What Not To Wear and having to throw away all my clothing. But then I got to thinking. If someone was going to give me $5,000 with which to buy all new clothes, would this be a necessarily bad thing? I’m a little afraid to part with what is left of my now dwindled collection of homemade fashions. If I have energy to spend I would rather write music and sewing isn’t something you forget how to do. Music, on the other hand, most certainly suffers from dormancy. Then I thought about what I would get and I thought, wow, Ann Taylor really has some nice things, in black, which I get to see on my way to work daily since the store is across the street from my building. And I bought these pin-striped trousers that I really feel happy wearing. So I am thinking maybe I am ready for an evolvement. But how to do it?

To compound matters, I hate introspection. I hate putting so much thought into appearance when it shouldn’t matter at all. But I want to feel pretty and as a Taurus that means external and nesting. Oh God! The nesting issue is an entire other thorn. I want fluidity in my nest. I want warmth and organization. What I have now is toys-R-us collage deluxe. The toys are necessary. But even if you took them away, the place has a general feel not very much different from when I was living at home seven years ago. I am ready to break into something more, dare I say it, but adult. I am eternally impressed by the happy saucy-dwellers group and have a feeling that this, this will be my year of realizing my new nesting evolution. Of course this is difficult with Frank on board because his feelings matter and he has a habit of collecting random little things, which collect dust.

Doesn’t matter anyway though. I just don’t have time to do a thing and that creates tinsomniamia I’m suffering from now. I understand why minimalists are the way they are. There has to be a balance between nothing and somethings. I need to find a balance between young and old, empty and fillerebelliousous and compliant. Not knowing causes me a sort of disruption which affects my ability to work on music which is a problem I am realizing at January comes to its midpoint.

And yet I can’t complain. Things are really good for us which is probably why I have energy to dwell on this issue of evolution. It’s late but I am going to clean out my closet, very quietly, and my beauty box. Hopefully I will fesome sortort of accomplishment and sleep will come.


Jan 7, 2005 – All about my brush with a psycho donut cart ranter this morning.

I woke up late which is not hard to do since I don’t use an alarm clock. Frank uses the alarm clock and I rely on Zoe, who is rather reliable. But she is sick and slept in as well. At 7:05 I leapt out of the bed and into super Mommy-mode. At 8:30 we were out the door, which isn’t too bad. I’ll get to work by 9:30, which is not all that late and I can stay until 5:15 and work through lunch. Doesn’t matter – I get the work done.

Anyhoo, I was enjoying my commute – F to the A to the 4 to the 6 – and decided to celebrate a week of relatively good diet behaviour with a donut. I stand in line behind this guy. He is a shorter, scruffy but not vagrantly so, middle aged man and he is ranting about not being able to get change or something along those lines. Then, to my horror, he starts mumbling flirty phrases towards me. I pretend I don’t see or hear him, which is hard because he is really loud. Then I decide to call Frank as a diversion figuring only a real whacko would continue to talk to someone on the phone. Of course, he being just that special sort of whacko continues to rant flirty things at me. I normally would just have ignored it but I hadn’t had my donut yet and was punchy and I still have another person in between me and the aforementioned donut so I looked him dead in the eye and said, “You know, it is incredibly rude interruptupt and speak to someone while they are on the phone. Do you mind?!?!?,” which is very confrontational for me. But it felt good to stand up to the psycho instead of just taking his barrage of verbal insanity. I will not miss yahoos like that in Salem.

It seems that ever since I dyed my hair blonde, I have been subject to more perverty comments, cat-calls, and general disregard for my intelligence and/or feelings. Having gone from blonde to black to red and back again so many times, I can tell you that there is a definite relation of hair color to the way people treat you. When I have black hair, I’m downright frightening and notice people are reluctant to make eye contact. Red is fairly neutral. But blonde invites the very behaviour that I would most like to avoid. I am ever so glad to suffer from the long-time cultivation of the stereotypical blonde person, which I am not.

Yesterday, I took a few minutes to assemble the synopsis’ of the entire run of Sex and the City. I am really glad I didn’t spend all those hours watching TV when I could just read it on the train going home. A few things strike me as odd, even though it is overall an amusing show. One, there is no mention of 9/11. I don’t know any New Yorker who wasn’t affected, in one way or another, and there is no notice of it in the summaries. I can’t imagine it not affecting the way a person would deal with those around him. Then there are small things. Like that Carrie never cooked in her kitchen. Exactly how much money does she make? Which brings me to the $40,000 shoe bill? I understand a shoe thing but that’s a lot of shoes. At $800 a pop, that would be 50 shoes. Where in a New York apartment, which a decent columnist-type writer, who eats out all the time, could afford, would she be able to fit 50 pairs of shoes? I have 15 pairs of shoes and if I get a new pair, I have to get rid of an old pair to make room and I have a six foot wide closet, which is pretty huge for New York. Oh well, the joys of TV.


Jan 6, 2005 – Ahhhh. A fresh slate.

Just a quick note since I have more work that I know what to do with here. I love starting a new year with a clean slate. I love that journals are the physical embodiment of starting anew. How simply lovely that this page will load so much more quickly. I am thinking about only having a month of entries up at a time and committing past months to a pdf file. Hmmm…


Jan 5, 2005 – The recovery has taken this long.

We pulled an all nighter on New Years, which was a good thing until we had to stay up all the next day to work within Zoe’s schedule. Then it became too much of a good thing which we won’t do again. We took a little field trip to NJ to visit with our friend Sharon and her boyfriend Pete who are the totally coolest people out there and offered above and beyond hospitality including letting us crash there. We finally made it home Sunday but we were really tired and the place looked as if a tornado had struck. Zoe spent the weekend feeling very poorly and suffering from a little stomach bug. I got add three more to the number of times she has barfed on me.

Monday both Zoe and I stayed home. She thankfully held down what little food she ate. While she was napping, I caught up on episodes from Sex in the City. I started watching out of curiousity and like a car-wreck, I can’t turn away. It’s actually not half bad and since I am not longer single, it’s rather entertaining.

Worried about Zoe, I took her to the doctor’s yesterday and she has yet another ear infection. Thankfully she likes the antibiotic and in a week she should be her happy self. I have a funny feeling it’s the congestion that causes these problems. Her doctor says it’s normal for little kids to get sick often the first couple of years but it doesn’t make me feel any better to see her uncomfortable. On the up side, I enjoy spending this extra time with her. We play with toys and dance to the cable/radio. She’s feeling better today so I can write a little bit while she entertains herself.

Last night I finally got my energy back and I cleaned most of the lurking dishes from last week and cleaned Yoshi and Clutch’s tanks out. Today I’ll fold laundry, change sheets and finish the dishes. By tomorrow I should be ready to get back in the routine.

I’ve been catching up on some movies. Last night I watched 50 First Dates which turned out to be surprisingly touching. Go figure. Ok – back to the baby. Free time is so fleeting.


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