I have been very lucky to still have my grandparents on my mother’s side, which is the side I am close to. Won’t discuss Dad’s side… Anyway, because my grandmother’s sister, married my grandfather’s brother, the family has always been rather close knit. Plus, my grandmother and great-aunt are twins and have always lived really close together.
I come from good stock. As of now, Rudi, my uncle, is holding on, relative comfortably, at home. He’s tired but happily surrounded by family and still has all his mental cohesiveness which means he is still making jokes which is one of the reasons I love him. I have gotten a chance to speak with him and he spent the entire time thanking me for photos my mother had sent and obviously put all our names on. Couldn’t get a word in edgewise to say it wasn’t me, or that we were thinking of him and loved him. But that’s my uncle; kind, positive and chatty (it’s in the genes). We all know it has to come but he will be missed horribly and the light will be dimmer in this world because, truly, he is a good spirit.
I seriously don’t feel like I’m aging, most of the time. I just feel like I’m suspended, while the world around me changes and, if I don’t actually focus on them, seem to be very slow. It doesn’t help that Frank doesn’t seem to be aging either. Not to mention my mom who is finally starting to look 20 years younger than she actually is instead of 30 years younger. Zoë is probably getting bigger but it isn’t like when she was a baby, so much slower. It’s surreal. It’s obvious that I can’t expect my family to live forever but still painful so I don’t think about it. I think about positive things and make phone calls a lot, where the sound of their voices haven’t changed.
However, when the time comes and you can’t ignore it, all you can hope for is that there is no suffering. And, in this case, that seems to be minimal, which is something to be thankful for.
My cousin posted old family photos to Facebook. Many I had seen before and many are new. I love the power of photography to transport us to another time and give us an image of people in their prime to remember by.