Continuing with my initial month tracking of Vyvanse 20mg, I have noticed that the meds have eradicated my PMS. My monthly cycle just about snuck up on me with hardly a craving or mood swing of any noticeable measure. I normally have quite a problem with it. I know, a very odd thing to start a post off with but I am really quite happy about it. Ladies will defend me as PMS is really horrible and if it’s going away, that’s definitely worth celebrating.
I learned the hard way not to drink any juice in the morning. It renders the meds useless.
It was a very challenging week at work. I stayed pretty calm. Even in the face of snafu. No sweaty palms. No panicky run to the bathroom to hyperventilate. Only somewhat a little nervous, which was reasonable. In general, when the nerves get slightly tingly, I can calm myself down with a few deep breaths. And, except for the one day I drank juice and the meds didn’t work, I’ve been getting engaged in my work very easily.
I also have noticed a decrease in feelings of paranoia. Definitely more rational. I won’t get into how that has been for me because it’s really ridiculous and although I am a rational person, I have no control over the irrational activities of my brain.
I continue to feel present. And I don’t go off tangents in conversation as much as I used to. And, when it does happen, I can pull myself in fairly easily. In general, I feel more in control of my brain. We are having far fewer arguments.
I think I might be having more patience with the Pumpkin, which is good because one of the motivators of this experience was to be a better mom; less angry and more patient. It’s still very early but I feel like the progress is encouraging. I am definitely yelling less and I am learning to listen more and for longer. I’m trying to get Frank on board. We can help each other and he can sort of use my patience too.
Another challenge before meds was shopping. I could spend hours wandering around a place looking for nothing. The minute I walk into a store, it’s so overwhelming that, even though I may have a list, I still feel compelled to look at every, single, thing before selecting something. I even have to inspect unrelated things. For example, I go into the store to buy the weekly necessities, maybe coffee, milk, whatnot. Do I need a bra? No. But I look through all the underwear. I don’t need a handbag but I look through those. What I do need is the same 10 items I get every week, more or less. What do office supplies have to do with cat food? Nothing. But I have to look at everything before I can get to the cat food. Part of the problem is that Target is absolutely set up for disaster but I have to be able to get through that store in less than three hours.
Today, things went pretty well. Of course, Frank took the shopping list and did super sweep while I waited for a prescription to be filled. I think he did it in 30 minutes. So that was sort of cheating. But, I did get through our local thrift shop with a goal to see what they had lurking in the evening gown section and a very brief overview of the rest of the place and felt very focused. I did not impulse purchase a very cute cow picture that would have been nice in the kitchen. Which reminds me, I need to frame the posters down here.
I finally signed the Pumpkin up for a dance class at the local studio. Finally. And really, that’s how this has been; intentions and no action and follow through. I saw a neat photo of a colored eye liner technique so I went to get some inexpensive eyeliner to try it out. No procrastination. I needed to wash a curtain for one of the living room doorways and I did it. It’s those little things that always seem to fall away. Not that they’re big deals but it’s just that I lose track of less now. And there is less to lose track of, if that makes more sense. Things wash over me. I won’t be recollecting random cat videos for two weeks while forgetting where I put my keys. I can prioritize stimuli and ideas.
So, things appear to be going well. Sleep is good although I will completely own up to staying up late to watch Peaky Blinders. I just can’t help it. It’s so good! I like Downton Abbey as well but Peaky Blinders has row houses and is more attainable because I will never live in an enormous estate and I will never wear elaborate clothing but I do live in a brick row house that I can decorate with worn antiques and I can wear every-day clothes I make from the 1920s. Peaky Blinders wins. If you aren’t familiar with the show, it’s about an English bookie crime family that is sort of like Godfather 1 meets a tweed ride. Fun times.
My next goal will be to get back to running. I’ve pretty much laid off exercise the entire month of January and I hope by now my leg is OK and I am over my cold. If I can get the early morning workout in, I’ll be really pleased. One of my challenges is being able to adopt good habits, even after working at it for months, so going to try that.